Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."
"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
Because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are already in the U.S.
... this joke was much more funny 30 years ago. Now it doesn't even work because to cross the border these days you don't need to run, jump, or swim. Just have a pulse and you'll get in... plus free room and board.
As I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and offered to help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"
The clerk angrily replied, "Fuck off! Get out and stay out!"
I said, "Yes! That's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"
I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization. When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.
#2.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender walks over and says “We’ve got a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink named Eugene?
#3.
The repairs on Big Ben are expected to take 3 years. Which is quite a long time considering they're working around the clock.
