A Sign above a bar says "Complete 3 tasks, win $1 Million"
A man walks up to the bartender and says "Million dollars? I'm in, what do I have to do?"
The bartender days "Task 1, there's a big guy at the end of the bar, he's loud and obnoxious and ruins everyone's enjoyment. I need you to go knock him out. Task 2, there is an alligator out back with an abscesses tooth. I need you to remove the tooth from that alligator. And finally, there's an 80-year-old woman upstairs that hasn't seen any...ehm...male companionship in many years. I need you to address that too. "
The man says "Pour me 3 shots of tequila and I'll get it done". The bartender obliged.
The man walks up to the big guy at the end of the bar, and without warning punches him square in the jaw. He falls backwards out of this stool, flayed out on the floor.
After that, the man walks out the back door to go deal with the alligator, and the door closes behind him. All the bar hears is smashing, grunting, screaming, crashing, all kinds of racket. But eventually, the noise dies down. The man walks back into the bar, bleeding, limping, and with clothes torm to pieces.
He goes to the bartender and says... "Alright, where's the lady with the bad tooth?"
A redneck driving a Chevy happily hitting black people on the road. One day he picked up Jesus who was hitchhiking. "Oh I can't hit any more black people with my car," the redneck thought "I don't want to look bad for Jesus." Then he saw another black man on the road, "I better pretend to fall asleep and serve my car at the black man so Jesus would think it was an accident." So he swerved his car and closed his eyes and heard a "BAM!" He opened his eyes and said "What happened? Did I hit that black man?" and Jesus replied "No, but I sure hit that Nigger with the car door!"
INDUSTRIAL: I am looking for a good job for my son. Can you help me? MINISTER: Yes, the position of director-general at my ministry is still available. INDUSTRIAL: Oh dear, with such a salary my son will be in trouble. I know him, with such a salary he will go to gaming halls and the women. MINISTER: And what do you think of secretary-general at my ministry? INDUSTRIAL: No, that still earns too much. MINISTER: Would director of a regional department of Finance be something for him? INDUSTRIAL: No, I don't like that either. It will be the same old thing. He can still be in trouble. MINISTER: Well, but for a position that is even lower, I can't help you. Your son will have to take an exam for that.
