Boudreaux is watching TV supping the fourth can from his six pack. "Don't go", he suddenly yells at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Turn around and walk away. Damn, you stupid man." His wife calls from the kitchen, "what on earth are you watching?" "Our wedding video," he bravely answers.
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?" Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee." Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: "What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
A jewish kid and a Czech kid go to the zoo. The Czech kid falls in the tiger pit where there's a male and female tiger. Czech kid gets eaten by one of the tigers. Zoo folks show up and ask the jewish kid which tiger ate the kid, and he points to the male tiger. They kill the tiger, open it up and see nothing in there. Turns out, the female tiger ate the Czech kid.
Moral of the story: Don’t trust a jew when they say a Czech is in the male.
A smoking hot wamen walks into a bar and orders a drink.
While she's sitting there she notices a frog on a stool behind the bar. "What's up with that frog?" she asks the bartender. "Oh he eats pussy" the bartender replied.
"Really? I've never heard of a frog that eats pussy" she said.
Intrigued and after several drinks she finally says "Ok, I've got to know how good this frog is, can I take him home?" "Sure" the bartender says "And call me if there's any problems."
So a little while later he gets an irate call from the wamen saying " I'm laying here pants off and spread eagle and this frog is just sitting there not doing anything!" "Oh no, I'll be right over" says the bartender.
He gets to her house and sure enough she's pants off and spread eagle and the frog is just sitting there.
He picks up the frog and puts it to his ear and listens. "What!?" says the bartender. "Really!?" "FINE! But this is the last time I show you!"
If he sees an electrician - he will masturbate. If he sees a plumber - he will masturbate. If he sees a carpenter - he will masturbate. If he sees a welder - he will masturbate.
A duck walks into his local bar after work. He sits at the bar, takes his hat off, orders a drink, and starts reading his newspaper. The bartender's never seen anything like this before, so naturally he strikes up a conversation.
"Say, fella. I've never met a talking duck before." "I get that a lot", he replies without looking up from his newspaper. "If you don't mind me asking, where do you get the money to buy your drinks?" "Work."
The bartender took the hint that the duck didn't want to talk, but he couldn't help himself. "What do you do?" "I'm a drywaller", said the duck as he lowered his glass from his bill, his eyes still never leaving his paper. "That's a strange profession for a duck," replied the bartender. "You get a lot of work?" The duck said, "I do alright. I'm always looking for the next job though." as he turned the page.
The bartender decided that was enough, and that he had work to do. The duck became something of a regular at that bar, always sitting in the same spot, almost never looking up from his newspaper.
One day, a new patron walked in. He was wearing a bright yellow suit with blue stripes. His mustache was styled into an old-fashioned handlebar style, with the tips tapered to a perfect point. Once again, the bartender is curious.
"Hey, fella. And what do you do?", he asked. "Oh, I work with the circus! We just rolled into town and we'll be setting up shortly." "Well, I know someone who's always looking for work! And I think he'd be a great fit. He's a talking duck."
The bartender and the new patron exchanged numbers, and he promised him that when he next saw the duck, he would refer him to the circus. The next day, the duck comes back to his usual spot. After he orders his drink the bartender starts conversation.
"You said you're looking for work right? Well good news, the circus is in town." "The circus?", replied the duck, still reading his newspaper. "You mean that big canvas tent in the middle of town?" "That's the one!" said the bartender. "The one where they keep the animals in those steel cages?", he asked, with the turn of a page. "Yep!" "And they travel from town to town in horse-drawn carriages, sleeping under the stars?" "Yeah," replied the bartender. "You know. The circus." The duck paused briefly, and looked straight up from his newspaper, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. "What the fuck do they need a drywaller for?"
Doctor says, "go home, get a bucket, piss and shit in it for a week. Throw in dead rats and rotting fish. Put a towel over your head and sniff the fumes for three days."
Week later the nigger goes back and says, "Doc, I feel wonderful, what was the problem?"
Was driving down the road when I saw a dude walking carrying a gas can. He was White so I gave him a ride. Turns out he was a preacher. So, of course, down the road a ways I see a nigger walking. Now what to do? I want to hit the jig but this preacher is Right Here. So I form a plan. I pretend to doze off and swerve over closer to the coon. I hear a huge BANG! I asked, "OH dear, did I hit that feller!?" To which the preacher said, "No, you missed it, but you got close enough for me to get it with my gas can!!!"
