Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a Beaner, jumps like a nigger , and hoards coins like a jew
So he goes up to the bartender and asks what he has to do to win the car. The bartender tells him he first has to drink a fifth of tequila in under an hour.
So the man starts in on a bottle, and with a few minutes to spare he finishes of the last couple drops. So he asks the bartender what he has to do next.
So the bartender tells him he can do them either order but his mean old dog out back has a tooth that needs to come out and that his ma is upstairs on her death bed but she wants to get laid one last time.
So the man heads out back to deal with the dog. Now everyone knows the dogs reputation and are confused when it starts hollerin and whelping for a few minutes. It goes quiet again and the man, heavily intoxicated at this point, stumbles back inside and says
The doctor tells the man- “ I’m going to need a blood sample, a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample”. The old man turns to his wife and asks, “ What did he say “? The wife responds, “ he said he wants your underwear”.
He walked in the office and said hello. I took a look at him and asked, “Is that a rectal thermometer behind your ear” He looked at me funny for a couple seconds and said “Oh shit!” And Grabbed the thermometer quickly, and as he started to wipe his ear with an alcohol wipe he said, “Some asshole took my pen”….
A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, 'You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money.'
"The lawyer says, 'How DARE you call me materialistic.'
The cop replies, 'Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing.'
