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Jokes

Community for : 3.2 years

All the jokes fit to print.

Owner: Centaurus

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18
GAW Qtard Goes to the Doctor...     (Jokes)
submitted by Scyber to Jokes 1 week ago (+21/-3)
7 comments last comment...
Doctor: "I got your test results back and they're not good. How many covid vaccines did you get?"

Guy: I got 4 that were required for me to continue working, go on a cruise, go to a football game, and the 4th was a booster shot in order to attend a Trump rally. How bad is it, Doc?"

Doctor: "We found several tumors, the most malignant one is on your brain, and..."

Guy: "How much time do I have left to live!?"

Doctor: "Tumor weeks."
7
Finish the joke     (files.catbox.moe)
submitted by PotatoWhisperer2 to Jokes 1 week ago (+8/-1)
6 comments last comment...
98
Brass     (files.catbox.moe)
submitted by lord_nougat to Jokes 2 weeks ago (+99/-1)
19 comments last comment...
35
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage...      (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+35/-0)
3 comments last comment...
...and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky, and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

Paddy replied, "Oh, that would be me."
41
Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+41/-0)
16 comments last comment...
Because the exit doors were coin operated.
46
What do niggers and bicycles have in common?     (Jokes)
submitted by 2Drunk to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+48/-2)
9 comments last comment...
They do not work without chains.
38
What do you call a nigger mermaid?     (Jokes)
submitted by 2Drunk to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+40/-2)
17 comments last comment...
A water felon.
13
Why do you never buy your woman a watch?     (Jokes)
submitted by Sleazy to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+13/-0)
12 comments last comment...
There's a clock on the stove
18
The Biden Admin Should've Declared National Tranny Day Tomorrow Because....     (Jokes)
submitted by Scyber to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+18/-0)
8 comments last comment...
Then it can be called "April Tool's Day."
5
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?     (Jokes)
submitted by WolvenWargod to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+6/-1)
4 comments last comment...
Because he doesn't want anyone to know he fucks chickens.
9
The Real Reason Why Lizzo Quit the Music Industry is Because She's Got a Bigger Job...     (Jokes)
submitted by Scyber to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+9/-0)
3 comments last comment...
She's blocking out the sun next week.
13
What's the difference between niggers and snow tires?     (Jokes)
submitted by 2Drunk to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+15/-2)
6 comments last comment...
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
4
What do you call a body bag for dead niggers?     (Jokes)
submitted by DeusExMachina to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+6/-2)
9 comments last comment...
Rapping paper.
30
Four engineers get into a car, but the car won’t start...     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 4 weeks ago (+30/-0)
10 comments last comment...
The Mechanical engineer says, "It's a broken starter."

The Electrical engineer says, "It's a dead battery."

The Chemical engineer says, "There must be impurities in the gasoline."

The IT engineer says, "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in?"
17
What's Another Phrase for a Black Tranny?     (Jokes)
submitted by Scyber to Jokes 4 weeks ago (+17/-0)
15 comments last comment...
Troon coon.
33
Why do cows have hooves and not feet?     (Jokes)
submitted by Sheitstrom to Jokes 1 month ago (+33/-0)
7 comments last comment...
They lactose.
15
Another St Patrick’s Day Joke     (Jokes)
submitted by TheOriginal1Icemonkey to Jokes 1 month ago (+15/-0)
5 comments last comment...
What is the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On St. Patrick’s Day everyone wants to be Irish!
21
I accidentally drank from a jar of invisible ink     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+21/-0)
6 comments last comment...
I’m currently at the hospital waiting to be seen.
8
Excellent comedian against the bullshit     (x.com)
submitted by Crackinjokes to Jokes 1 month ago (+10/-2)
2 comments last comment...
22
A guy walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist...     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+22/-0)
1 comments last comment...
"I've gotta know, does Viagra really work?"

The pharmacist replied, "It sure does. In fact, I use it myself."

"Good to know. Can you get it over the counter?"

"Well, yes, if I take two of them."
3
St. Patrick’s Day Joke     (Jokes)
submitted by TheOriginal1Icemonkey to Jokes 1 month ago (+4/-1)
4 comments last comment...
Have you heard of the gay Irish couple?

Gerald Fitzpatrick & Patrick Fitzgerald
38
A boy and his father go together for a boys’ day out at the zoo. “Daddy, I don't like how that gorilla's looking at me from behind the glass. It's really scary!” said the boy.     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+38/-0)
9 comments last comment...
In a hushed voice the father replied, “Shhh, Jason! This is only the ticket booth.”


11
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her parents that she has missed her period for two months     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+13/-2)
9 comments last comment...
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
34
I have a date with a woman from a sewing machine factory     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+34/-0)
9 comments last comment...
She seams nice.
36
The janitor lady at work asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her this afternoon. I turned her down, though     (Jokes)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1 month ago (+37/-1)
16 comments last comment...
I don't like high maintenance women.