I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question. But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.
She responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."
The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"
"That's obvious!" the assistant states. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's…"
So they enter heaven, and there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this man!”
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and is very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman exclaims, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
