When i was younger i heard some life lessons and pretty much live by them - Never go past a toilet if you need to use one Don't stand if you could sit And nap when ever you can
To those three i also added the punch line on some joke - At the moment i finally pass away, the last thing i ever wish i did with my life was that i had spent more time at work ....
In high school I would hire out to local farmers for rock picking. (If you don't know why farmers pick rocks off their fields then there is no hope for you.) This typically took place in the spring before seeding the fields. Nobody had rock picking equipment back then, so somebody would walk around the field (me) looking for rocks while the farmer would drive a tractor with a "farmhand" loader on the front.
When I located a rock that needed removal I would signal the farmer. He would drive over, put the bucket down on the ground with the front towards the rock. I would then manually lift the rock into the bucket. If the rock was too heavy to lift I would slide it in the bucket. Never once did a farmer get off the tractor to help load the rock. Sometimes I couldn't budge the rock so the farmer would sort of dig it out with the bucket. I would then have to climb into the bucket and scrape the dirt out with my hands. (Shovels were for pussies.)
The only break you got was when the bucket got full and the farmer would drive over to a rock pile to dump. Of course, you were expected to be waiting by another rock by the time he got back. The best was when I would work for one of my uncles who was fond of drinking warm beer. He would be drinking beer and driving the tractor while I was walking around the field looking for rocks. He was full of encouraging words like "stupid" and "idiot" to help the day go by faster.
Oh, and I did this for $2.50/hour on one job. Most paid $3.00 - $3.50/hr. One guy paid $5.00 per hour and had no problem finding guys willing to work. The job was much better if you had at least one other person helping you who wasn't a retarded faggot weakling.
Oh, and fuck you crybaby waiters and your "Waah, you don't know how hard a job it is." as you go home each day with a wad of tax-free tip money — earning more in one hour than I would in a day of hard labor.
If I could remember every joke I have ever posted/read, I would be a walking, talking joke book. With that in mind, no. I do seem to remember a joke about Satan explaining to a new arrival the days of the week in Hell, though. That's all I got.
So, there must be a thousand iterations of this joke. This is a close as I could quickly find.
It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down.
He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie.
Do you like Mexican food? The new guy says, "Yeah I like Mexican food." Well, you're going to love Taco Tuesday in the cafeteria.
Do you like baseball? The new guy says, "I love baseball." Every Wednesday we have a pick up game and everyone plays even the guards, it is really fun.
The old guy says, "One more question, are you by any chance a homosexual?" The new guy says, "no I'm not." Ah, you're not going to like Thursdays.
[ + ]deleted
[ - ] deleted 12 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:36:21 ago (+12/-0)*
[ + ] dassar
[ - ] dassar 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 02:45:03 ago (+3/-0)
Never go past a toilet if you need to use one
Don't stand if you could sit
And nap when ever you can
To those three i also added the punch line on some joke -
At the moment i finally pass away, the last thing i ever wish i did with my life was that i had spent more time at work ....
[ + ] con77
[ - ] con77 4 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 18:54:38 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:02:59 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] FalseRealityCheck
[ - ] FalseRealityCheck 5 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:19:26 ago (+5/-0)
When I located a rock that needed removal I would signal the farmer. He would drive over, put the bucket down on the ground with the front towards the rock. I would then manually lift the rock into the bucket. If the rock was too heavy to lift I would slide it in the bucket. Never once did a farmer get off the tractor to help load the rock. Sometimes I couldn't budge the rock so the farmer would sort of dig it out with the bucket. I would then have to climb into the bucket and scrape the dirt out with my hands. (Shovels were for pussies.)
The only break you got was when the bucket got full and the farmer would drive over to a rock pile to dump. Of course, you were expected to be waiting by another rock by the time he got back. The best was when I would work for one of my uncles who was fond of drinking warm beer. He would be drinking beer and driving the tractor while I was walking around the field looking for rocks. He was full of encouraging words like "stupid" and "idiot" to help the day go by faster.
Oh, and I did this for $2.50/hour on one job. Most paid $3.00 - $3.50/hr. One guy paid $5.00 per hour and had no problem finding guys willing to work. The job was much better if you had at least one other person helping you who wasn't a retarded faggot weakling.
Oh, and fuck you crybaby waiters and your "Waah, you don't know how hard a job it is." as you go home each day with a wad of tax-free tip money — earning more in one hour than I would in a day of hard labor.
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 4 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 21:22:08 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] Clubberlang
[ - ] Clubberlang 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:20:55 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] con77
[ - ] con77 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 19, 2022 18:29:43 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 19, 2022 18:48:35 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] bobdole9
[ - ] bobdole9 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:21:06 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] jigganiggaboo
[ - ] jigganiggaboo 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 00:14:14 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 00:18:00 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] CoronaHoax
[ - ] CoronaHoax 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 23:16:10 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ]deleted
[ - ] deleted 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 21:27:42 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 05:56:43 ago (+1/-0)*
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 09:42:57 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 13:47:59 ago (+1/-0)*
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 16:42:15 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 16:45:06 ago (+0/-0)*
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 17:31:18 ago (+0/-0)
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[ - ] deleted 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 18:14:33 ago (+0/-0)*
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 19, 2022 01:16:34 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] 2017Fallout
[ - ] 2017Fallout 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 19, 2022 04:48:07 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 22:06:02 ago (+0/-0)
Something said or done to provoke laughter especially a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist.
The humorous or ridiculous element in something.
Something not to be taken seriously a trifling matter. Examples: Consider his skiing a joke. || It is no joke to be lost in the desert.
Something said or done to cause laughter or amusement. Example: They hid his shoes as a joke.
A very short story with a funny ending that is a surprise. Example: The boys sat around telling jokes .
p.s. congrats on your successful entrepreneurship.
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 22:58:50 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 23:29:37 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] ForgottenMemes
[ - ] ForgottenMemes 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:30:06 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] dassar
[ - ] dassar 3 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 02:47:19 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] ForgottenMemes
[ - ] ForgottenMemes 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 10:11:02 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] carnold03
[ - ] carnold03 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:29:42 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:45:55 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Cantaloupe
[ - ] Cantaloupe 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 23:18:51 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 18, 2022 00:18:58 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] diggernicks
[ - ] diggernicks 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:20:47 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:39:18 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] diggernicks
[ - ] diggernicks 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:39:59 ago (+1/-0)
It MUST be true
[ + ] SparklingWiggle
[ - ] SparklingWiggle 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 18:29:24 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 18:47:43 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] ruck_feddit
[ - ] ruck_feddit 2 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:03:33 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] SparklingWiggle
[ - ] SparklingWiggle 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:19:47 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:35:08 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] SparklingWiggle
[ - ] SparklingWiggle 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:41:12 ago (+1/-0)
It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down.
He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie.
Do you like Mexican food? The new guy says, "Yeah I like Mexican food." Well, you're going to love Taco Tuesday in the cafeteria.
Do you like baseball? The new guy says, "I love baseball." Every Wednesday we have a pick up game and everyone plays even the guards, it is really fun.
The old guy says, "One more question, are you by any chance a homosexual?" The new guy says, "no I'm not." Ah, you're not going to like Thursdays.
[ + ] Clubberlang
[ - ] Clubberlang 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 19:21:23 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.2 yearsMar 17, 2022 20:40:55 ago (+1/-0)