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Centaurus
Member for: 2.7 years

scp: 30261 (+31179/-918)
ccp: 8260 (+8478/-218)
votes given: 23863 (+23549/-314)
score: 38521





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Owner of:
Jokes, aww, Cats, dogs, Bodybuilding, RiddleMeThis,
Mod of:
NutziHiveKickers,
43
Boeing, Boeing, Gone!     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

25 comments

The message is clear.
3
I want to live my next life backwards     (Mildlyinteresting)

submitted by Centaurus to Mildlyinteresting 2 months ago

11 comments

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling old, but begin feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and generally have fun. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions – central heating, room service on tap, and then you're done.
11
Fast as fast can be     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to Cats 2 months ago

2 comments

45
Based golfer     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to Mildlyinteresting 2 months ago

5 comments

11
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her parents that she has missed her period for two months     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

9 comments

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
4
Truly Frozen     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

1 comments

38
A boy and his father go together for a boys’ day out at the zoo. “Daddy, I don't like how that gorilla's looking at me from behind the glass. It's really scary!” said the boy.     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

9 comments

In a hushed voice the father replied, “Shhh, Jason! This is only the ticket booth.”


22
“If he wins the election, you won’t be on the show anymore. He’ll come looking for me. There’ll be things that happen that none of us can imagine,” De Niro said.     (Quotes)

submitted by Centaurus to Quotes 2 months ago

24 comments

Robert De Niro voiced his paranoid fantasy during a Friday appearance on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher.
13
Guardians of the Goats     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to dogs 2 months ago

2 comments

8
I can be cracked, made, told, and played. What am I?      (RiddleMeThis)

submitted by Centaurus to RiddleMeThis 2 months ago

3 comments

A joke.
18
Just a bunch of dam goats getting high     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

13 comments

59
Never Forget     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to ClownWorld 2 months ago

6 comments

34
I have a date with a woman from a sewing machine factory     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

9 comments

She seams nice.
16
Made from scratch     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to funny 2 months ago

4 comments

27
One minute you're an incompetent asshole, and the next... you're a superhero!     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

21 comments

Any guesses on what his super powers will be?
36
The janitor lady at work asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her this afternoon. I turned her down, though     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

16 comments

I don't like high maintenance women.
20
Cat goes from lead guitarist to lead vocalist in less than 30 seconds     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to Cats 2 months ago

15 comments

25
2 motorcycles, 1 car     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to Mildlyinteresting 2 months ago

10 comments

17
This video officially disproves Flat Earth Theory     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

40 comments

At the very least it makes just as much sense.
18
Advanced training for guard dogs     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to dogs 2 months ago

2 comments

24
Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with auto parts?     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

16 comments

He got off with a suspension.
15
Therapists only want one thing     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

3 comments

And it's fucking discussing!
2
Last week HeyJames' 'smoker' AND 'oven' went on the fritz at the same time. He was forced to survive for 5 days on one can of corn. That's how it started, and this is how it went     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to NutziHiveKickers 2 months ago

6 comments

I don't even want to know what you had to drink during this harrowing experience. I hope everything is okay, @HeyJames, and may the Brisket be with you.
25
Mike Tyson on the death of his 4 year old daughter     (files.catbox.moe)

submitted by Centaurus to videos 2 months ago

47 comments

17
What’s the difference between an ass-kisser and a brown-noser?     (Jokes)

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2 months ago

3 comments

Depth perception.