She takes a seat at one end of the bar, and lifts her arm in the air to wave over the bartender, revealing extremely hairy armpits. Many of the people near her are put off with the bushes of hair under her arms and promptly move.
At the other end of the bar, the local drunk sits, swaying over his drink. After watching the bikini clad woman order drinks for a while, he calls over the bartender, motions to the woman; and in a slurred voice says "Gimme another whiskey and water, and I'd like to buy a drink for the ballerina at the other end of the bar".
The bartender mixes the whiskey and serves the woman her drink. He then returns to the local drunk and asks curiously, "How do you know she is a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "If she can lift her leg that high, she MUST be a ballerina!"
A man stumbles out of a nightclub to find his car was stolen, so he calls up the sheriff and he comes out. The sheriff says "now where was your car when you parked it?", the man says "it was right here on the end of this key". So the sheriff looks him up and down and says "and why's your dick out" to which he replied, "Dang they stole my girl too!".
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
