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Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal!

“Usually from an overdose,” I told her.

- do you know the difference between heaven and hell?
- In heaven the Italians are the lovers, the French prepare the food, the Swiss run the hotels, the Germans are mechanics and the English are policemen.

In hell, the Swiss are the lovers, the English prepare the food, the French run the hotels, the Italians are mechanics and the Germans are policemen!

Piece of cake

He says to the bartender "Hey, if I show you something amazing can I drink for free?" The bartender agrees, and the man proceeds to pull out a tiny, one foot tall man with a miniature piano, places him on the bar, and he begins playing. "Wow! Okay your drinks are on the house, but where did you get him from?" says the bartender. "Oh there's a genie just in the alley behind here, granting a free wish to anyone." replies the man.

The bartender quickly rushes out to the alley, and sure enough there's a genie who asks what he would like. "I wish I had a million bucks!" All of a sudden thousands of books begin to appear, flooding the alley, causing the bartender to rush back into the bar for cover. He screams to the man "Jiminey Christmas, I wished for a million bucks and he's given me a million books instead, must be a bit deaf that genie." The man laughs "Well of course he is, you didn't think I wished for a 12 inch pianist did you??"

To punish humanity for letting the holocaust happen.

One's penis

I guess now I'm supposed say something like:
"Jamal, could you paint that wall for me?"

"What blood type are you?" they ask the rabbit.
The rabbit says: "I am probably a typo."

"When Biden passes by, we all swear, spit, and throw rotten fruit on him."

The Russian replied, "When Putin passes by, we all piss on him!"

The American said, "I exaggerated a little – we swear whispering, spit aside, and while throwing, we don't hit."

The Russian responded, "And I exaggerated too – when we piss, we don't open our pants."

I mean, who gives a crap about women’s sports anyway??

I am currently working with a bunch of young zoomers.

Today one boy told a girl she was the biggest racist and she smiled bashfully and said "yeah".

Earlier in the week I was working with a another girl who was spouting anti-semetic jokes one after the other. I don't remember any because they were all lame honestly and not very funny but I laughed heartily at each one to encourage her. She said "I've got more and they just get worse and worse" (as in more antisemitic) and I corrected "no, better & better".

I couldn't think of ANY on the spot so I could give back was "something something throw pennies on the ground" which she laughed at.

So goats, please give me your best to share for next time I see her!