submitted by Cunt to Jokes9 monthsAug 10, 2023 09:03:55 ago (+34/-0) (Jokes)
I am currently working with a bunch of young zoomers.
Today one boy told a girl she was the biggest racist and she smiled bashfully and said "yeah".
Earlier in the week I was working with a another girl who was spouting anti-semetic jokes one after the other. I don't remember any because they were all lame honestly and not very funny but I laughed heartily at each one to encourage her. She said "I've got more and they just get worse and worse" (as in more antisemitic) and I corrected "no, better & better".
I couldn't think of ANY on the spot so I could give back was "something something throw pennies on the ground" which she laughed at.
So goats, please give me your best to share for next time I see her!
2 jews were walking down the street. Moshe turns to Schlomo and goes "hey I like your watch." Schlomo says "Thanks, my dad sold it to me before he died."
Bill Clinton, a priest and a rabbi are sitting a park watching kids play on the playground equipment. Bill whispers quietly to the other two, "Hey, you guys wanna fuck one of these kids?"
A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved... submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 5 months ago (+48/-0) (Jokes)
"What should I pay you?" the monk asks.
"No charge, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut: "What shall I pay you, my son?"
"No charge for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.
That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his sideburns trimmed: "What do you want I should pay you?"
"Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know? The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
Why do jews and niggers have such big noses? Air is free. ...and then there's the one about "pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven" Or.... two in the front seat, two in the back seat, and 16 in the ash tray
Or A guy had a fire in his house and was making an insurance claim for remodeling his house. He calls 3 contactors for quotes. He calls a nigger, an Italian and a jew. The nigger quotes him 6000 dollars. He says he can cut cost using his family members for labor and he can get some discounts for the materials. The Italian quotes 10,000 dollars, the guy asks why. He's doing everything by the book, getting all the permits, using union labor, and he'll only use high quality materials. He asks the jew for a quote and it comes back 26000 dollars! The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the jew why. The jew says, "that's 10000 for me, 10000 for you and we'll get the nigger to do it for 6000."
There is a long one that goes something like a Jew sends his son to Israel and he comes back Christian. This upsets him so he tells his Rabbi. Rabbi says I did the same thing and my son came back Christian. The rabbi and the Jew go to temple and tell God they sent there son's to Israel and they came back Christian. God says, "hey me too" Reword it as you see fit. The more you stretch it out and add detail, the funnier it is
2 rabbi's were driving down the street when a police officer pulled them over.
The officer comes up and tells them "a little boy and girl were kidnapped and we are looking for child molesters."
Both rabbi's turn to each other, then the one driving told the officer "well we don't known anything about the kidnapping but we charge by the hour for the other."
[ + ] GrayDragon
[ - ] GrayDragon 24 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 10:03:45 ago (+24/-0)
How was copper wire invented? Two jews found a penny at the same time.
How many jews can you fit into an ashtray? All of them.
And for one of my favorites:
What is the worst thing about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven.
[ + ] GayPatriot1969
[ - ] GayPatriot1969 -5 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 21:03:52 ago (+1/-6)
[ + ] DelaporesCat
[ - ] DelaporesCat 23 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 10:14:40 ago (+23/-0)
[ + ] SilentByAssociation
[ - ] SilentByAssociation 19 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:08:09 ago (+19/-0)
Why do jews get circumcised? Because jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off.
What is a jew's biggest dilemma? Free pork.
[ + ] Not_a_redfugee
[ - ] Not_a_redfugee 13 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:06:12 ago (+13/-0)
Moshe turns to Schlomo and goes "hey I like your watch."
Schlomo says "Thanks, my dad sold it to me before he died."
[ + ] Vrbllpollushin
[ - ] Vrbllpollushin 9 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 16:19:12 ago (+9/-0)
The rabbi whispers back, "Out of what?"
[ + ]deleted
[ - ] deleted 11 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 09:31:46 ago (+12/-1)
[ + ] SilentByAssociation
[ - ] SilentByAssociation 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:00:51 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] deleted
[ - ] deleted 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:43:16 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Artificial_Intelligentile
[ - ] Artificial_Intelligentile 8 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 14:23:38 ago (+8/-0)
submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 5 months ago (+48/-0) (Jokes)
"What should I pay you?" the monk asks.
"No charge, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut: "What shall I pay you, my son?"
"No charge for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.
That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his sideburns trimmed: "What do you want I should pay you?"
"Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know? The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
[ + ] Reawakened
[ - ] Reawakened 8 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 13:57:17 ago (+8/-0)
...and then there's the one about "pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven"
Or.... two in the front seat, two in the back seat, and 16 in the ash tray
Or
A guy had a fire in his house and was making an insurance claim for remodeling his house. He calls 3 contactors for quotes. He calls a nigger, an Italian and a jew. The nigger quotes him 6000 dollars. He says he can cut cost using his family members for labor and he can get some discounts for the materials. The Italian quotes 10,000 dollars, the guy asks why. He's doing everything by the book, getting all the permits, using union labor, and he'll only use high quality materials. He asks the jew for a quote and it comes back 26000 dollars! The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the jew why. The jew says, "that's 10000 for me, 10000 for you and we'll get the nigger to do it for 6000."
[ + ] x0x7
[ - ] x0x7 5 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 16:49:40 ago (+5/-0)
What's the difference between a black man and a pizza, one can feed a family of three.
[ + ] Bonanza
[ - ] Bonanza 0 points 9 monthsAug 12, 2023 11:13:04 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] Boyakasha
[ - ] Boyakasha 7 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 13:09:59 ago (+7/-0)
[ + ] Centaurus
[ - ] Centaurus 3 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 14:07:44 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] Monica
[ - ] Monica 7 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 13:05:04 ago (+7/-0)
[ + ] ItsOk2bArian
[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 7 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 12:18:08 ago (+7/-0)
God says, "hey me too"
Reword it as you see fit. The more you stretch it out and add detail, the funnier it is
[ + ] ToNigIsToNog
[ - ] ToNigIsToNog 7 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 12:16:02 ago (+7/-0)
how many jews can you fit in a vw? 64. 2 in front, 2 in back, 60 in the ashtray
why do jews women only do doggy style? they can't stand to see anyone else have a good time
[ + ] Sector7
[ - ] Sector7 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 13:54:13 ago (+2/-0)
Old carbon dating joke.
[ + ] allAheadFull
[ - ] allAheadFull 1 point 9 monthsAug 11, 2023 02:22:13 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Trope
[ - ] Trope 6 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 16:03:40 ago (+6/-0)
A Jewish mother gives her son two ties for his birthday: A red one and a blue one.
A few weeks later, they meet for a family dinner and the son is wearing the red tie. The mother exclaims: “You didn't like the blue tie?”
[ + ] Fascinus
[ - ] Fascinus 7 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 10:47:47 ago (+7/-0)
[ + ] Feelslikeclownworld
[ - ] Feelslikeclownworld 6 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 12:30:25 ago (+6/-0)
The officer comes up and tells them "a little boy and girl were kidnapped and we are looking for child molesters."
Both rabbi's turn to each other, then the one driving told the officer "well we don't known anything about the kidnapping but we charge by the hour for the other."
[ + ] SecretHitler
[ - ] SecretHitler 6 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:19:27 ago (+6/-0)
How many jews can you fit into an old Volkswagen beetle? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 50 in the ashtray.
[ + ] UncleDoug
[ - ] UncleDoug 5 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 14:37:13 ago (+6/-1)
Zoomers make these jokes ironically, very few are actually based in my experience.
Also,
What did the jewish paedophile say to the kids?
Want to buy some candy?
[ + ] Scyber
[ - ] Scyber 4 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 19:40:21 ago (+4/-0)
-A decent start.
[ + ] Metanoid
[ - ] Metanoid 4 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 13:49:43 ago (+4/-0)
He fell off a guard tower.
[ + ] allAheadFull
[ - ] allAheadFull 2 points 9 monthsAug 11, 2023 02:24:48 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Metanoid
[ - ] Metanoid 0 points 9 monthsAug 11, 2023 14:49:17 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] MayhemInChief
[ - ] MayhemInChief 4 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:32:09 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] Ex_hack
[ - ] Ex_hack 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 12:27:46 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey
[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey 4 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 10:54:16 ago (+4/-0)
A pizza doesn’t scream when you put in the oven!
[ + ] PoundOfFlesh
[ - ] PoundOfFlesh 3 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 18:07:21 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] PoundOfFlesh
[ - ] PoundOfFlesh 3 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 18:23:13 ago (+3/-0)
- Karate is a form of self-defense, judo is what bagels are made from.
What’s the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?
- In a crucifixion they throw out the whole jew.
Why do jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
- They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
What's a jew's least favorite hot dog condiment?
- Sauerkraut.
Did you hear about the jewish troll?
- His name is Rumpled Foreskin.
How do jews celebrate Christmas?
- The install a parking meter on the roof.
Why aren't there any jews in the Boy Scouts?
- Their parents refuse to send them to a camp.
What's the difference between four Christians and four Jews?
- Foreskins.
[ + ] Nonanonanon
[ - ] Nonanonanon 2 points 9 monthsAug 11, 2023 01:22:09 ago (+2/-0)
—hey kid, wanna buy some candy?
[ + ] goatfugee12
[ - ] goatfugee12 3 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 11:40:25 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] Her0n
[ - ] Her0n 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 17:38:13 ago (+2/-0)
Why don't jews shower? Because vampires can't touch running water.
[ + ] CowboyHenk
[ - ] CowboyHenk 2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 15:07:46 ago (+2/-0)
Kike favourite olympic disciplines? Giant shalom and judo.
[ + ] texasblood
[ - ] texasblood -2 points 9 monthsAug 10, 2023 17:16:58 ago (+1/-3)