Before the bartender even returns with the check, the man has slammed back half of them and shows no signs of slowing down.
As the guy finishes his final shot, the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" The guy wipes his mouth and replies, "You'd be drinking fast, too, if you had what I have."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?" As he runs out the door, the guy says, "75 cents."
On the first federal holiday for MLK day in 1986, Washington radio host Doug Tracht "The Greaseman" thought through aloud the reasoning behind a holiday for an assassinated black leader.
"Maybe we should shoot four more and take the rest of the week off?" he pondered on air.
Although he retracted the remark quickly, the Washington Post reported just two complaints on Trachts comments.
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
A group of reconstructive surgeons got together and opened a business where customers can choose from hundreds of different facial augmentation components...upon entering I asked one of the attendants if I could "pick my nose"?...her reply was, "snot recommended but it's your call".
So Little Johnny’s teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says “Teacher, I’ll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is.” She replies, “Okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it.” But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students leave the classroom, Johnny makes his guess. “Blue.” “Nope. You got it wrong,” she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any underwear. “Well come with me out to my dads car, he’s waiting for me, and I’ll get you the money.” She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: “That motherfucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your pussy before the end of the day!”
