Door slams open on a bar. Footsteps are heard but nothing is seen until a tiny man jumps up on the bar.
A man walks into the bar, looks at the tiny man, looks back at the barman and asks slyly... 'watchadoooooin?'
The barman grins and winks at the man, reaches behind the bar, brings out and slaps down on the counter, a tiny man sized piano for the tiny man sitting there.
The new patron is just bursting by now trying to hold his tongue pissing the tiny man right off to the point that he turns to the man looks him dead in the eye and yells in a booming loud voice,
"WHAT THE FUCK YAS WANT CUNT?"
...
"watchadoooooin?" Says the man sheepishly.
"TRYING TO WRITE A CONCERTO AND HAVE A QUITE DRINK! ITS A PUB YOU STUPID BASTARD, NOW FUCK OFF"
The man loses his grin, takes the hint, and sits down.
My neighbor. She's single. She's shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.
I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.
I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?"
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one's hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
"An American goes to Moscow and asks a citizen why cant you criticize Putin? In America we can go to the steps of the white house and freely say Fuck Joe Biden and not get arrested. The Russian replies. "So what! We also can freely walk up to our Kremlin or the red square and say Fuck joe biden too!"
A man and woman are lying in bed at night, and the wife asks the husband, "If I were to die, would you remarry?" To which the husband replies "I guess so". Irritated, the wife asks "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" The husband thinks for a minute and says "Probably" The wife then asks, with gritted teeth, "Would you let her use my golf clubs" Without a second of hesitation the husband replied "No." Relieved, but confused, the wife asks "Why not?" To which the husband responds "She is not left handed"
