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Jokes

Community for : 4.2 years

All the jokes fit to print.

Owner: Centaurus

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2
What's the difference between a nigger and cancer?     (Jokes)
submitted by PoundOfFlesh to Jokes 2 hours ago (+2/-0)
6 comments last comment...
Cancer can get Jobs.

(old joke referencing Steve Jobs dying from pancreatic cancer)

Alternate punchline: I'd rather beat one than the other.
35
A duck walks into a bar.     (Jokes)
submitted by JohnnyKarateChop to Jokes 19 hours ago (+35/-0)
12 comments last comment...
A duck walks into his local bar after work. He sits at the bar, takes his hat off, orders a drink, and starts reading his newspaper. The bartender's never seen anything like this before, so naturally he strikes up a conversation.

"Say, fella. I've never met a talking duck before."
"I get that a lot", he replies without looking up from his newspaper.
"If you don't mind me asking, where do you get the money to buy your drinks?"
"Work."

The bartender took the hint that the duck didn't want to talk, but he couldn't help himself.
"What do you do?"
"I'm a drywaller", said the duck as he lowered his glass from his bill, his eyes still never leaving his paper.
"That's a strange profession for a duck," replied the bartender. "You get a lot of work?"
The duck said, "I do alright. I'm always looking for the next job though." as he turned the page.

The bartender decided that was enough, and that he had work to do. The duck became something of a regular at that bar, always sitting in the same spot, almost never looking up from his newspaper.

One day, a new patron walked in. He was wearing a bright yellow suit with blue stripes. His mustache was styled into an old-fashioned handlebar style, with the tips tapered to a perfect point. Once again, the bartender is curious.

"Hey, fella. And what do you do?", he asked.
"Oh, I work with the circus! We just rolled into town and we'll be setting up shortly."
"Well, I know someone who's always looking for work! And I think he'd be a great fit. He's a talking duck."

The bartender and the new patron exchanged numbers, and he promised him that when he next saw the duck, he would refer him to the circus. The next day, the duck comes back to his usual spot. After he orders his drink the bartender starts conversation.

"You said you're looking for work right? Well good news, the circus is in town."
"The circus?", replied the duck, still reading his newspaper. "You mean that big canvas tent in the middle of town?"
"That's the one!" said the bartender.
"The one where they keep the animals in those steel cages?", he asked, with the turn of a page.
"Yep!"
"And they travel from town to town in horse-drawn carriages, sleeping under the stars?"
"Yeah," replied the bartender. "You know. The circus."
The duck paused briefly, and looked straight up from his newspaper, staring blankly at the wall in front of him.
"What the fuck do they need a drywaller for?"
19
Why can't spics be firefighters?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 21 hours ago (+19/-0)
2 comments last comment...
They can't tell Jose from hose B.
14
What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 2 days ago (+14/-0)
4 comments last comment...
A dart.
5
What Did the Terminator Say to Marty McFly?      (Jokes)
submitted by Scyber to Jokes 2 days ago (+6/-1)
9 comments last comment...
"I'll be Back To The Future!
...Because that's where I'm from!"
20
Close enough.      (Jokes)
submitted by Peleg to Jokes 3 days ago (+21/-1)
7 comments last comment...
Was driving down the road when I saw a dude walking carrying a gas can. He was White so I gave him a ride. Turns out he was a preacher.
So, of course, down the road a ways I see a nigger walking. Now what to do? I want to hit the jig but this preacher is Right Here. So I form a plan. I pretend to doze off and swerve over closer to the coon. I hear a huge BANG! I asked, "OH dear, did I hit that feller!?"
To which the preacher said, "No, you missed it, but you got close enough for me to get it with my gas can!!!"
26
An africoon goes to the doctor and says, "I feel terrible."     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 3 days ago (+27/-1)
4 comments last comment...
Doctor says, "go home, get a bucket, piss and shit in it for a week. Throw in dead rats and rotting fish. Put a towel over your head and sniff the fumes for three days."

Week later the nigger goes back and says, "Doc, I feel wonderful, what was the problem?"

Doctor, "you were homesick!"
28
Conspirologist     (files.catbox.moe)
submitted by Kozel to Jokes 3 days ago (+29/-1)
2 comments last comment...
-8
Shortest joke ever for high IQ people     (Jokes)
submitted by Conspirologist to Jokes 4 days ago (+0/-8)
15 comments last comment...
Aposematic = Aposemitic.
44
What would you do if you had enough money to send half the niggers back to africa?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 5 days ago (+44/-0)
37 comments last comment...
Send them all back half way.
9
So a horse walks into a bar…..     (Jokes)
submitted by DARTH_VARIANT to Jokes 6 days ago (+9/-0)
3 comments last comment...
Bartender says “hay”.


The horse said “you read my mind”…..

🥁🥁 crash cymbal……
9
the mayor     (Jokes)
submitted by boekanier to Jokes 6 days ago (+9/-0)
1 comments last comment...
The mayor visits a farm and of course the press is there too. Afterwards the mayor says to the journalist:
- I hope the title of your article won't be: 'The mayor with the pigs' or something like that.
The next day there is a photo in the newspaper with the text underneath: 'The mayor, third from the left'.
19
Did you hear about the 9 year old African nigglet?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 1 week ago (+19/-0)
3 comments last comment...
It was going through a mid-life crisis.
5
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 1 week ago (+5/-0)
0 comments...
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
16
What did the leper say to the prostitute?     (Jokes)
submitted by PoundOfFlesh to Jokes 1 week ago (+16/-0)
6 comments last comment...
"Keep the tip"

----

Why did the leper go back into the shower after drying off?

He forgot his head and shoulders.
-13
A man's teenage daughter is acting up, so he takes her into the back room and pumps a load in her. As she leaves the room, wobbling, he then tells her to take out the trash.     (Jokes)
submitted by YourSJWNightmare to Jokes 1 week ago (+1/-14)
4 comments last comment...
She sighs and says "I guess I'm just a cum dumpster now."
13
What’s The Useless Flesh That Surrounds The Vagina Called?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 2 weeks ago (+16/-3)
16 comments last comment...
The woman.
4
What do you get when spics and niggers breed with each other?     (Jokes)
submitted by PoundOfFlesh to Jokes 2 weeks ago (+4/-0)
3 comments last comment...
Kids who are too lazy to steal.
1
Why Is It Called Hungary?     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 3 weeks ago (+3/-2)
2 comments last comment...
Because they’re hung Aryans.
-8
What did the father say after he pumped a load into his daughter and dumped her in a shallow grave?     (Jokes)
submitted by YourSJWNightmare to Jokes 1 month ago (+1/-9)
3 comments last comment...
"Now that's what I call a pump and dump!"
34
A half nigger half kike boy goes to his father and axe him     (Jokes)
submitted by MCDLXXXVIII to Jokes 1 month ago (+34/-0)
5 comments last comment...
Am I more black or jewish. The father asks him why he wants to know.

Well there’s a boy at school selling his bike for $50, and I want to know if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it.
4
What do mopeds and fat girls have in common?     (Jokes)
submitted by PoundOfFlesh to Jokes 1 month ago (+6/-2)
12 comments last comment...
They're both fun to ride as long as your friends don't know.
18
I Want to be Friends With Her…     (youtube.com)
submitted by dingbat to Jokes 1 month ago (+20/-2)
13 comments last comment...
0
at the ministry     (Jokes)
submitted by boekanier to Jokes 1 month ago (+1/-1)
0 comments...
INDUSTRIAL: I am looking for a good job for my son. Can you help me?
MINISTER: Yes, the position of director-general at my ministry is still available.
INDUSTRIAL: Oh dear, with such a salary my son will be in trouble. I know him, with such a salary he will go to gaming halls and the women.
MINISTER: And what do you think of secretary-general at my ministry?
INDUSTRIAL: No, that still earns too much.
MINISTER: Would director of a regional department of Finance be something for him?
INDUSTRIAL: No, I don't like that either. It will be the same old thing. He can still be in trouble.
MINISTER: Well, but for a position that is even lower, I can't help you. Your son will have to take an exam for that.