Need some relationship advice...Serious post. (AskUpgoat)
submitted by dcosta77 to AskUpgoat 3 years ago
61 comments
Hi Voat!
As the title suggests, I need some relationship advice. A little back story first, so you can get a better idea of what I am going through:
Been married since 2005. My wife and I have three daughters, ages 13, 8, and 5. They are my world. We both work full time. We share the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, and all the other responsibilities that keep a house running. However, it seems that over the past three years or so, the wife and I have been growing apart. We are both the same age and started off with the same interests. We shared the same views on politics, religion, race etc…but over the last few years, she has expressed more and more leftist views on gender, race, and other hot button social issues. The divide has become so great that we rarely talk to one another anymore unless it is about our daughters, bills, or house stuff. The bedroom has been dead since October of 2020.
I have been working nights for the past six years, so it makes quality time together sparce, and when we are together, I can almost cut the tension in the room with a knife. I do not suspect she is cheating, nor am I cheating. My job puts in in contact with the public on a regular basis and requires that I stay in good physical health. As a result, I have turned down many advances from women. I always felt she was a little jealous of that. To add to it, she has gained approximately 30-40 lbs over the past three years and is very self-conscious about her appearance. That does not matter to me. I have told her that MANY times. She is my wife, and a marriage is not just something you walk away from when things get tough.
Before Covid, she got back in contact with an old female friend who was a travel agent. Due to the friend’s job, she got comps on cruises, and resort stays. I have always encouraged her to have a social life, as I believe friends are important. So much so, that I did not even think about it when she started taking small weekend vacations with this friend to several resorts and even on a few 5-7 day cruises. I was never asked if I wanted to join, as someone had to stay home and watch the girls. This was NEVER a problem for me. I just wanted her to be happy.
Fast-forward to now. I feel we are nothing more than roommates. We never talk, we never go on dates…the excuses are always being too tired, too much work to do, must find a babysitter…on and on. There isn’t even any more physical affection, i.e. holding hands, kissing, hand on the small of the back…things like that. I have mentioned several times that I felt we were drifting apart, and she initially responded with concern. I suggested making time for just us, and even couples counseling. Every time the idea is met with enthusiasm on her part, but when it comes time to schedule a date, or make an appointment, she always comes up with a reason to postpone it.
Which leads me here to you. I really do not know how to proceed. I am a product of divorce and it has scarred me to this day. I know how important it is for daughters to have a Father in the home, and how much it affects their emotional stability later in life. I just do not know what to do. Do I just keep up the status quo? Do I continue to try and confront my wife? Do I just give up, file for divorce, and become my Father’s son?
I will try to answer any questions you have. This is a serious post and I could really use some advice. I must work nights Mon and Tue (the 3rd and 4th), so I may not be able to respond until after.
Sorry if I am rambling on here, I’m just typing what comes to mind. Plus, I’m on my second glass of Lagavulin.
Thank you fellow Goats,
Dcosta77
