Sign into an existing account

Note 1: the narrator's name is Goat. Coincidence?

Note 2: If you change "rich" to "Jew", it's hilarious.

Capitalist Satire from the Russian Children's Book "Dunno on the Moon"

Greed and Wealth Accumulation

“On the Moon, money is everything. Without it, you’re nothing but a speck of dust, but with it, you’re a king, even if you’re a fool,” Goat said.

“‘Why do the rich need so much money?’ Dunno asked in surprise. ‘Can a rich person really eat several million?’ Goat snorted. ‘Eat! If they only ate! A rich man fills his belly and then starts feeding his vanity…’”

“They build bigger houses just to store their money, but they’re still afraid someone will take it,” Goat said.

“The richer they get, the more they complain about not having enough,” Goat said.

“A rich man doesn’t sleep—he counts his money all night,” Goat muttered.

“The rich buy up everything, even the stars, if they could reach them,” Goat said.

Inequality and Class Divide

“‘Why are there so many poor people here?’ Dunno asked. ‘Because the rich take everything,’ Goat replied. ‘The more they take, the less there is for everyone else.’”

“On the Moon, the poor live in shacks and eat air, while the rich have palaces and feast on dreams,” Goat said.

“The rich ride in cars, the poor walk in dust. That’s the Moon’s way,” Goat said.

“They say everyone’s equal on the Moon, but the rich are more equal than the rest,” Goat said.

“The poor beg for scraps, while the rich throw feasts for their dogs,” Goat grumbled.

“The rich live on the hill, the poor in the ditch—that’s the Moon’s map,” Goat said.

Capitalist Police and Institutional Bias

“‘Why did they arrest you?’ Dunno asked. ‘For being poor,’ Goat said. ‘On the Moon, that’s crime enough.’”

“The police only show up when the poor start asking questions. Then they’ve got clubs and handcuffs ready,” Goat said.

“The police don’t protect the poor—they protect the rich from the poor,” Goat said.

“‘The police work for whoever pays them,’ Goat whispered. ‘And the poor don’t have any money.’”

“When a rich man steals, they call it business. When a poor man steals, the police call it a crime,” Goat said.

“The police guard the rich man’s gold, but they’ll beat you for a crust of bread,” Goat said.

“The police watch the poor like hawks, but bow to the rich like servants,” Goat said.

Exploitation and Labor

“‘Work hard, and you’ll get rich!’ they say. But Goat worked hard, and all he got was a sore back and empty pockets.”

“The factory owner gets fat while the workers get thin. That’s how the Moon’s economy works,” Goat said.

“They pay you just enough to keep you alive, but not enough to let you live,” Goat said.

“The bosses don’t care if you’re tired or hungry—they only care if you stop working,” Goat said.

“You work all day, and the rich man takes your pay,” Goat sighed.

“They call it a job, but it’s just slavery with a paycheck,” Goat said.

“The worker builds the factory, but the owner keeps the profits,” Goat said.

Commodification and Consumerism

“‘On the Moon, everything’s for sale—even the air you breathe, if they could bottle it!’ Dunno laughed, thinking it was a joke. Goat didn’t laugh.”

“The Moon’s shops are full of things you don’t need, but they make you want them anyway,” Goat said.

“They sell you dreams of wealth, but all you buy is debt,” Goat said.

“They charge you to stand, they charge you to sit, and soon they’ll charge you to blink,” Goat said.

“They’ll sell you a smile if you’ve got the money,” Goat said.

“They sell you hope in shiny packages, but it’s empty inside,” Goat said.

Advertising

“Newspapers advertise happiness, but only for those who can pay for it,” Goat said.

“The Moon’s signs shout ‘Buy this!’ but they never tell you the cost,” Goat said.

“They promise riches in every ad, but it’s just a trap for your wallet,” Goat said.

Stock Market

“The stock market’s a game where the rich always win, and the poor always lose,” Goat said.

“They crash the market to buy cheap, then sell high to get richer,” Goat said.

“Stocks go up for the rich and down for the rest—that’s the Moon’s market,” Goat said.

Banks

“The Moon’s banks lend you money, then take your house when you can’t pay,” Goat said.

“Banks give loans to the poor to keep them chained, not free,” Goat said.

“The rich own the banks, so the banks serve the rich,” Goat said.

Monopolies and Media Control

“Spruts owns everything—factories, shops, even the news you read,” Goat said.

“One rich man controls the Moon’s food, and you pay his price or starve,” Goat said.

“The newspapers print what the rich want you to believe,” Goat said.

Absurdity of Capitalist Logic

“‘Why do they cut down all the trees?’ Dunno asked. ‘To make money,’ Goat said. ‘And then they sell you the shade you used to get for free.’”

“On the Moon, they say competition makes everything better. But all it makes is bigger liars,” Goat said.

“They build machines to make life easier, but only for those who can pay for it,” Goat said.

“The Moon’s newspapers say everyone’s happy, but the poor don’t read newspapers—they’re too busy starving,” Goat said.

“They call it progress, but it’s just more ways to make the rich richer,” Goat said.

“They say it’s a free market, but only the rich are free,” Goat said.

“The Moon’s laws are written by the rich, for the rich,” Goat said.