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19

FEMINISTAS KILLED ROLLER DERBY

submitted by Zyklonbeekeeper to HDLunited 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 20:22:58 ago (+20/-1)     (HDLunited)

Back in the early mid-late 20th century it was a yearly tradition for girls who've reached the age of 16 to impress upon men the endearing and submissive qualities expected of them as well as the physical capabilities comparative to household duties and, most importantly, nightly carnal obligations.

Before a girl of proper age could date and court pre-adult men of brutish strength, deft in demeanor and of superior intellectual quality with a healthy pessimistic personality, they had to compete with each other with the intent of proving that they were of worthy status.

I'll never forget the night of the big clash when buddy and I had a dozen dames competing for our flimsy affection. After being deluged with phone numbers, chicken kiev recipes and week old g-strings, the one minute prep ring was given and the girls lined up for the take-off. I'll never forget that night, buddy who was in charge of the starter pistol accidentally had his mother's 38 S&W Snubby and when he discharged it the "plus p" rnd went right into the forehead of the town clerk who was there to hand out marriage certificates to the successful recipients...any broad who finished the derby without requiring medical assistance from either the local alcoholic doctor or the veterinarian was marriage material.

Then one day Joan Biez and Hellen Reddy showed up and that was the end of tradition as we knew it.

I'm sure all you guys can relate.


19 comments block


[ - ] WhatColorIsYourTigerCage 2 points 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 21:58:33 ago (+2/-0)

Whatever happened to Sadie Hawkins day?

[ - ] TheEinSmith 3 points 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 22:38:58 ago (+3/-0)

I made an account to say I like this post.

[ - ] jfroybees 1 point 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 22:56:02 ago (+1/-0)

It was very entertaining.

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 0 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 14:49:28 ago (+0/-0)

TheEinSmith ...noted

[ - ] DoughGoy 3 points 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 23:00:51 ago (+3/-0)

That's not how I remember it. The way I remember it, when he shot, it accidentally struck the clerk in the heart.

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 01:14:29 ago (+1/-0)

DoughGoy you could be correct...I just remember the marriage certificates flying from his hand as he palmed his forehead

[ - ] GrayDragon 3 points 6 monthsNov 11, 2024 23:41:47 ago (+3/-0)

Did one of your bears slip you a DukeofRaul tab of acid?

[ - ] Anotherone 3 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 00:13:03 ago (+3/-0)

I'll never forget the night of the big clash when buddy and I had a dozen dames competing for our flimsy affection

Dames? Who the fuck talks like that save pre ww2 bugs bunny?

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 0 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 05:19:44 ago (+0/-0)

Overture, hit the lights, tonight's the night, hold on tight oh what a night it'll "bee"...on with the show this is it. "WHAT'S UP DOC"?

[ - ] BulletStopper 2 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 11:52:26 ago (+2/-0)*

Dated a roller-derby chick for awhile. God bless her, she could take a hit.

She considered being picked up and thrown across the room to be foreplay.

Good endurance too. All that cardio. Fucked with all the frenzy of a runaway steam press.

I still miss her sometimes.

[ - ] AngryWhiteKeyboardWarrior 2 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 14:25:58 ago (+2/-0)

Damn man, you were so close to turning her straight too.

[ - ] BulletStopper 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 14:42:16 ago (+1/-0)

Liver cancer

[ - ] con77 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 17:38:24 ago (+1/-0)

You ever break furniture fucking a chick? It's hilarious!

[ - ] BulletStopper 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 18:26:30 ago (+1/-0)

The REAL question is: "Have you ever broken furniture while fucking and then just kept going?"

The answer to both is yes. But I just regarded it as stress testing the furniture.

Now you know what points needed reinforcement anyway. Because you don't just repair the one failure point, do you?

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 0 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 14:47:46 ago (+0/-0)

@BulletStopper ...nothing more invigorating than a good looking dame who take a solid hit and be more loving after being thrown across the room....by the way, what was the biggest room ?

[ - ] BulletStopper 2 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 15:24:34 ago (+2/-0)

Living room. 13'x13'. I'd toss her so she'd land on something soft, like the sectional sofa (I'm not an animal, ffs).

She'd just get all wound up sometimes, and the only way to calm her back down again was to just bang her brains out.

Best tranquilizer I know of. She'd always calm right down.

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 2 points 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 17:17:21 ago (+2/-0)

HA

[ - ] con77 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 17:35:10 ago (+1/-0)

Brought a tear to my eye

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper [op] 1 point 6 monthsNov 12, 2024 18:38:54 ago (+1/-0)

@con77...the bird I ended up with that night brought more than a tear to my eye...my eyes watered for a month after I got her roller skates off