Man Arrested After Sending 100’s Of Used Dildos To The Whitehouse On Valentine’s Day So, “Joe Biden Can Go Fuck Himself!” - Upgoat

Man Arrested After Sending 100’s Of Used Dildos To The Whitehouse On Valentine’s Day So, “Joe Biden Can Go Fuck Himself!”
submitted by Scyber to WeirdNews 1 monthMar 7, 2024 12:56:46 ago (+49/-3) (kvta4.com)
https://kvta4.com/breaking-news/man-arrested-after-sending-100s-of-used-dildos-to-the-whitehouse-on-valentines-day-so-joe-biden-can-go-fck-himself/

Washington, DC- Kurt Fellows (67), is being held by the Secret Service at an undisclosed location after a shipment containing close to 1000 previously used sex toys (dildos) arrived at the Whitehouse on Valentine’s Day addressed to President Biden. The letter attached to the shipment said, “Happy Valentine’s Day Sleepy Joe. Since you like to fuck all of us, why don’t you go fuck yourself?”.

While sending an unsolicited shipment of dildos to the President is grounds for arrest, not to mention a possible health concern, the addition of the letter (which for reasons of national security cannot be fully disclosed to the public at this time), put Kurt Fellows at the top of the todo list for the Secret Service. Federal agents went to Kurt Fellows’ Montana ranch and arrested him without incident.

47 comments block

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[ - ] AugustineOfHippo2 14 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:38:03 ago (+14/-0)

While sending an unsolicited shipment of dildos to the President is grounds for arrest

WTF? You can't send mail to the pres?

[ + ] bonghits4jeebus

[ - ] bonghits4jeebus 6 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:40:45 ago (+6/-0)

I don't get it. I searched for it, and I don't see any laws about not sending things. Only threats are forbidden.

[ + ] SilentByAssociation

[ - ] SilentByAssociation 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:10:55 ago (+2/-0)

Bodily fluids can't be sent via USPS. Sure, it's dried by then (hopefully), but that's probably why sending them is not legal. I highly doubt they were cleaned. Perhaps the package smelled like a fish market.

[ + ] bonghits4jeebus

[ - ] bonghits4jeebus 4 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:12:12 ago (+4/-0)

I would think if it were the mailing, the USPS investigator would be handling this. The secret service deals with other things. Basically a jurisdiction thing. The only jurisdiction the SS has is around the president and currency etc.

[ + ] Sleazy

[ - ] Sleazy 3 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:02:49 ago (+3/-0)

they sure failed the currency part

[ - ] MichelleObamasPenis 6 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 16:23:08 ago (+6/-0)

satire, fake:

KVTA4 is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website. KVTA4 uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

[ + ] dosvydanya_freedomz

[ - ] dosvydanya_freedomz 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 20:55:43 ago (+0/-0)

good satire i would say, stupid but good. it fooled me lol

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 6 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:26:36 ago (+6/-0)

How do they know they were used?

How does one aquire a shit load of used dildos?

I am confuse

[ + ] ruck_feddit

[ - ] ruck_feddit 3 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:00:21 ago (+3/-0)

Asking for a friend?

[ + ] InYourFaceNancyGrace

[ - ] InYourFaceNancyGrace 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:02:41 ago (+2/-0)

I mean once the wife's done having kids what else is she good for?

[ + ] Sector2

[ - ] Sector2 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:43:59 ago (+1/-0)

Trade ins.

[ + ] Had

[ - ] Had 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 16:58:44 ago (+1/-0)

READ

[ + ] PeckerwoodPerry

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 18:15:37 ago (+1/-0)

[ - ] observation1 4 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:10:41 ago (+4/-0)

Charged for protesting too well?

[ + ] CoronaHoax

[ - ] CoronaHoax 3 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:42:04 ago (+3/-0)

Been happening for at least 4 years plus now.

[ - ] bobdole9 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:59:35 ago (+2/-0)

Anybody hear from doc lately?

[ - ] Anus_Expander 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:47:39 ago (+2/-0)

Source is a SATIRE/PARODY site

[ - ] Sleazy 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:01:57 ago (+2/-0)

what exactly is the crime?

[ + ] Belfuro

[ - ] Belfuro 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 17:41:53 ago (+1/-0)

Humiliation of an elite.

Rules for thee, not for me

[ + ] Sleazy

[ - ] Sleazy 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 17:56:55 ago (+1/-0)

so... humiliation is criminal now??

[ + ] Belfuro

[ - ] Belfuro 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 18:09:17 ago (+1/-0)

Elites rule by image.

Biden's image was attacked, which is an attack on the very structure of authoritarian USA.

They had to crack down on him for the crime of humiliating an elite

[ + ] Sleazy

[ - ] Sleazy 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 19:11:21 ago (+1/-0)

they rule by fear.

[ - ] BoozyB 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:36:40 ago (+2/-0)*

I propose a national holiday in honor of this guy.
Edit: better yet, we need him as VP.

[ - ] oyveyo 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:28:52 ago (+2/-0)

Dangus?

[ + ] TheYiddler

[ - ] TheYiddler 2 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:22:59 ago (+2/-0)

Anus expander or that old goat Highly paid orgy pro.

[ + ] Anus_Expander

[ - ] Anus_Expander 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:48:44 ago (+1/-0)

I would love to take credit, but it's a fake story

[ - ] Fascinus 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 21:15:25 ago (+1/-0)

Archive link: https://archive.vn/YQoHr

[ - ] UncleDoug 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 18:18:45 ago (+1/-0)

@GrayDragon now works for the associated press.

[ - ] Clubberlang 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 17:38:14 ago (+1/-0)

::wipes a tear from my eye::

You cant get anymore American that.

[ - ] Clubberlang 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 17:36:23 ago (+1/-0)

I'm pretty sure the 47% of white house employees were disappointed to learn they couldn't immediately retire to the senate and start a live onlyfans stream.

[ - ] Jimmycrackerson 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:25:23 ago (+1/-0)

The look on this man's face in the mugshot. I know that look. That's someone who has had more than enough. This is killdozer level fed-up. Perhaps even beyond that.

[ - ] Neral 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:38:21 ago (+1/-0)

Now if the letter said "Happy pride month" I'm sure they would bring him into the Whitehouse to celebrate the generous gifts he sent...

[ + ] Sleazy

[ - ] Sleazy 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:04:12 ago (+1/-0)

seriously. This makes no sense. Those lunatic leftists parade around with 50 dildos taped or glued all over their fucking body.

[ - ] dosvydanya_freedomz 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 20:54:27 ago (+0/-0)

🤣🤣🤣🤣this is too funny lol

[ - ] uvulectomy 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 19:19:09 ago (+0/-0)

Jeezus, you faggots are almost as gullible as leftists...

https://kvta4.com/about-us/

[ - ] Bidenguy666 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 18:49:48 ago (+0/-0)

Dangus needs to ship this many to Graydragon

[ - ] ilikeskittles 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 18:28:02 ago (+0/-0)

That’s against the law? 😳

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 17:47:12 ago (+0/-0)

I can't even laugh at this because the intent behind it is serious and legitimate, precisisely the type of insulting message that government merits today, particularly 1st world (((government)))...
everyone who did their virtuous part in the last half century to keep and strengthen the "idea" of God, Family and Country is now a relegated threat all but buried out of site and out of mind...and there's a reason for this, but, just a mere whisper of this reason will rain down the wrath of (((BOLSHEVISM))) on whomever is inevitably unable to maintain their silence...

[ - ] RMGoetbbels 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 16:41:40 ago (+0/-0)

While sending an unsolicited shipment of dildos to the President is grounds for arrest, not to mention a possible health concern, the addition of the letter (which for reasons of national security cannot be fully disclosed to the public at this time), put Kurt Fellows at the top of the todo list for the Secret Service.

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

[ - ] edmundo 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 15:08:29 ago (+0/-0)

And what is the crime?

[ - ] Indoctrinated_USA 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:51:31 ago (+0/-0)

I still don't understand the grounds for arrest.

[ + ] Sector2

[ - ] Sector2 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:55:39 ago (+0/-0)

It was a slight against biden.

[ - ] CoronaHoax 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:41:05 ago (+0/-0)

indisclosed location. Freedom at work.

[ - ] Sector2 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:46:37 ago (+0/-0)

Puppet front man working as intended.

[ + ] TheSimulacra

[ - ] TheSimulacra 1 point 1 monthMar 7, 2024 14:41:24 ago (+1/-0)

"The job of the president is not to wield power, but draw attention AWAY from it."
Douglas Adams

[ - ] TomMacdonald 0 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:24:45 ago (+0/-0)

He fucked up with sending used ones. Biohazard.

[ - ] HowDoYouDoFellowNiggers -3 points 1 monthMar 7, 2024 13:59:42 ago (+0/-3)

stop posting vulgar stupid shit

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