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A Guy In Florida Owned a Farm With A Large Pond In The Back.

submitted by BulletStopper to Jokes 1.4 yearsDec 28, 2023 20:10:43 ago (+31/-1)     (Jokes)

It was nice for swimming, so he put up an awning for shade, a picnic table, and planted some orange trees.

One evening he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to go down to the pond, and bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing.

As he got closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He called out to make the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

"Oh, I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or even to make you get out of the pond."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."


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[ - ] SocksOnCats 8 points 1.4 yearsDec 28, 2023 20:58:08 ago (+8/-0)

And all the women screamed and leapt out of the pond and ran away as the guy laughed a bit and went on with his life.

20 years passed, and the guy now had a sizeable and profitable farm. One day he received a visit from the local police who immediately arrested him and tossed him in a cell. When he asked what he’d done he was told “Shut up! The likes of you have no rights!”

Days passed and finally the guy was dragged before a court. And there stood all of the pond women, now ragged and ugly and bitter with having hit the wall.

And the female purple haired judge leaned down to the guy and asked him how he’d like to plead to several charges of forcible rape.

But before the guy could answer he was found guilty and thrown in prison for several consecutive life sentences.

And the bitter spiteful old ugly women all sued him in civil court, using his guilty charge as evidence, and took his farm and all of his money and lived spiteful and shitty ever after…

…until the old ugly spiteful and bitter pond women remembered another guy they’d encountered many years ago.

And so it goes.

[ - ] BulletStopper [op] 8 points 1.4 yearsDec 28, 2023 21:32:33 ago (+8/-0)

One day he received a visit from the local police...

...whereupon the old man threw back the blanket that had been covering his lap, revealing the M60E6 machinegun he then used to mow them all down in a withering hail of M993 AP rounds until none remained.

And then he DID feed the alligator.

When the police HQ tried to contact their arrest team, all they heard over the radio in reply was a dry chuckle, and a deep male voice that said,
"Next time tell them to bring beer."

And they never tried to fuck with the old man ever again.

(See? I can make shit up too. But mine have happier endings.)

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:24:03 ago (+0/-0)

Yeah, except his is not only more realistic, it’s almost guaranteed to happen in this clown timeline

[ - ] BulletStopper [op] 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:27:28 ago (+3/-0)*

Obviously we do not move in the same circles.

Out here, the county sheriff knows his constituency and the limits of his authority and acts accordingly.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:31:59 ago (+1/-0)

I love a happy ending

[ - ] Prairie 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:41:12 ago (+1/-0)

I was guessing he'd have his land taken for collecting the state's rainwater in his pond.

[ - ] Sal_180 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 06:38:12 ago (+0/-0)

The make believe women in your fantasy situation are the bitter ones, definitely not you.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:30:20 ago (+3/-0)

Alligator is carnivorous …,

oranges for omnivorous

Faggots bum fuck in Congress

Crocodiles always vote for whores

[ - ] Outlaw_Aryan 4 points 1.4 yearsDec 29, 2023 00:51:29 ago (+4/-0)

That was deep. I'm very moved.