True narcissists are easy to deal with because they have a blind spot in their thinking and only a handful of tools they use. When you are their target, it doesn’t seem easy, but that is only because you have fallen into an unfortunate pattern of behavior.
There are a set of rules and tactics you can implement that will gradually rob them of their ability to harm you. You can neutralize their ability to spread poison and you can even turn them to your own agenda without them knowing about it.
#Rule No. 1: The first rule in dealing with a true narcissist is implementing no contact as soon as possible.
They are capable of causing harm and you should protect yourself from that harm. You have a right to seek safety and protection. Also, have a “go bag” stashed somewhere with a set of keys, cash enough for a hotel room, a few changes of clothes and a smart phone or tablet that has a texting app that works through WiFi. Being able to walk away from a face to face confrontation is power.
The rest of this is for people who, for whatever reason, are unable to go no contact. Those of us who are trapped there know what that is like. These rules and tactics also apply to people who engage in standard narcissistic behavior, but a normal person’s ability to be reasonable and make compromises and amends means you shouldn’t really have to be hardcore about it.
#Rule No. 2: Never, ever, ever mention the word narcissist.
You will polarize this person in a way that will be difficult to return from. If you have done this, already, just let it fade into memory. Also, don’t use "gaslight", “triangulate”, “love bomb” or anything else that might lead back to literature that discusses narcissists.
#Rule No. 3: Never, ever, ever try to convince the narcissist they are a narcissist.
In fact, the best diagnosis for them is Borderline Personality Disorder, so that they can be convinced to go through cognitive behavioral therapy. You will usually not convince a true narcissist that they are a narcissist. If they become convinced, it will be because you have utilized these rules and tactics against them so well.
#Rule No. 4: Be polite.
Politeness is its own reward and it is your best weapon. The longer you are steadfastly polite, the more a person’s negative overtones become obvious to themselves and the people around them. Never give the appearance of being the hostile party.
#Rule No. 4: Ban sarcasm.
This is more difficult than I thought it would be, but it comes naturally, now. Sarcasm is just going to be used against you and make you look like the jerk. Especially in writing. If something can be read either way, specify that it is an honest question.
#Rule No 5: Ban secret conversations.
If you are texting, always make sure someone else is in the thread with you. No one on one texting. No coordinating against people in secret and don’t even allow yourself to be in a position where you give the impression you are coordinating with anyone. From now on, you don’t say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t tell them in person. Once you have lived with that, for a bit, then you can start telling people that you don’t participate in secret conversations to coordinate against anyone or put yourself in the position where that might be the case. You can use “court safe”, religion, “my therapy” as a reason, or even not bother to offer an explanation. “As a general rule of thumb, I have banned having secret conversation froms my life.” Once your problem person is aware of this rule, it will put them on the run, because they are going to go immediately have a secret conversation about it.
#Rule No. 6: Keep everything “court safe.”
This means that you should expect a judge to look over every email and text message and have secretly recorded conversations. An imaginary judge. This judge is looking for the hostile party. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to have your feelings and act upon those feelings. Just don’t show those feelings to anyone who isn’t safe or anyone who doesn’t understand how and why you have to protect yourself.
As far as real recordings, I recommend hunting cameras that are triggered by motion activation and always having a device around, like a smart phone, that is capable of taking pictures, recording sound and recording video. Know your local laws about recording people.
Now that you know the ground rules, here are your three tactics that you should employ in every exchange:
#Tactic No. 1: Telegraph the behavior.
You can often predict the problem person’s behavior. Simply by telling them you are concerned they are about to commit that behavior creates a trap for them. You’ll get better at predicting when you practice, but with no alternative you can also just explain past behavior in general terms, so that it doesn’t repeat. Generally, don’t use any jargon. Keep it simple.
“I’m afraid you are using your inheritance as a carrot to make me do things that I don’t want to do.”
“I’m concerned you are having secret conversations that are being used to undermine me.”
“Is there a chance you are going to play the victim card if I spell out some of your hurtful behavior?”
#Tactic No. 2: Reverse Triangulate
This merely means you bring as many sets of eyes in against your problem person as possible. This simply means telling your problem person’s “flying monkeys” or “harem” about the behavior without using jargon before the behavior happens so that the credibility of the rumors against you begin to slowly deteriorate.
By including people in the conversations and always being consistently polite, non sarcastic and “above” secret conversations, the extra set of eyes force a person to censor themselves. You can even use imaginary eyes like your “journal” or a psychiatrist that doesn’t exist.
(I have a fake psychiatrist, btw, that I use. This psychiatrist believes in, first, controlling your own reactions to bad behavior and then using truth, honesty and positivity to counteract dishonesty and negativity.)
If you are caught in conversation, often use “Person A says...” and “Person B thinks...” where the problem person is now forced to go through the extra cognitive effort to work around these other people’s points of view. It also allows you not to attach yourself to good ideas so that they will be discredited. Bonus points if you can attach a person you don’t like to an idea you do like while hinting you don’t like the idea.
#Tactic No. 3: Seek justification.
Just make this a habit. “I’m confused, can you explain that?” “I understand you are upset, but I don’t understand why?”
When ancient history gets drudged up, use, “I know, that was a long time ago, but what is going on with you RIGHT NOW that is making you feel that way?”
You’re never going to get justification. Or, you might, but that isn’t the purpose. The true narcissist can control their behavior. That’s what is most cruel about them. They know what they are doing. By investing minimal creativity into asking justification in different ways, the cognitive effort your problem person expends is exponentially greater. Don’t get caught up demanding explanations. Don’t even consider the explanation you do get to be truthful. Just ask for it.
#Combine Tactics FTW
Don’t go through a lot of effort. Use these tactics to free up your efforts to your own endeavors.
The shorter, the better. Try throwing all three tactics into one text message. “Hey, the ladies from church are concerned you’re going to try to lord over the next event. What do you think a good game plan is?”
Deploy and forget is a good guiding principle.
#THE TRAP IS SET. Wait for the work around.
If you have stuck to the rules and used the three tactics, it is a no win scenario for your problem person. They are either going to hit the pause button on their behavior or they are going to freak out. A lot of times, it only takes one public freak out to get immediate reprieve. While they are nursing their wounds and trying to find a work around, you can rest easy knowing that the three tactics are easy to come up with in the moment and you won’t have to stress about what comes next because you already know how to deal with it.
In the meantime, don't engage. The next work around will make itself known and you can chuckle to yourself at how much less energy you are spending on this stuff and how much extra energy they are spending.
They will spring the trap again and again because the true narcissist is unable to avoid it. The reason they can’t avoid it isn’t obvious to you because you are a normal person who doesn’t understand their mindset. It is good and normal if you don’t understand why these rules and tactics work so well. But, when you start to use them, you will see that they work instantly, even though the long term application is what is going to give you the relief you need.
At least you are dealing with an overt typical narricist. A covert will try to drive you crazy with there gas lighting and insanity they project on the world!
Go to quora there is a ton of info about narcs there and it is a dark dark rabbit hole they are soulless demons most of the time and that's the nicest thing I can say.
Be 100% direct and state you see their manipulation tactics and refuse to participate. You then have a few options:
Point out their tactics to others, and make sure they witness it and are present, to negate their ability to end-run you and get a mob after you. Demand reparations for any harm already done for you. Walk away and state you are done with them. Stay and "fight" by enforcing whatever boundaries you have and making them back off.
Whatever you do, make sure you discuss it with others in your life and explain your situation. If you don't, the narcissist will try to manipulate others against you.
What a load of jewish psychobabble. Turning people into screwballs who diagnose everyone instead of acting like an adult.
Use your manners and be polite and then go away. That's how you deal with a selfish person. It's how you deal with a vain person. It's how you deal with everyone you're not in a close personal relationship with. If your mommy wommy is a selfish loudmouth, she's still your mommy wommy. Be polite and then go home after the visit.
Narcissism has been around longer than psychobabble.
Narcissism, itself, is an overdeveloped sense of self importance relative to others where the person has not earned that place, resulting in deep self esteem issues that they, themselves, are only aware of in one dimension.
This is why constructive criticism is perceived as all out war to a narcissist. It is the heart of their dysfunction.
When directed properly, a narcissist is a useful soldier. But, when they experience and process fear associated with rejection, isolation, and loss of contact with reality, and loss of admiration, equilibrium, and important objects, they become total nightmares.
On the spectrum of narcissists, this fear and reactive behavior to fear is the dividing line.
In human nature, in human civilization, it is that dividing line on how people react to others telling them, "No. Youre being an asshole."
Normal people or narcissists within a tolerable threshold, will take no for answer at least long enough to evaluate whether or not they are the problem.
Our entire justice system is dedicated to people on the other side of the dividing line.
Now, in caucasian cultures throughout history, they simply killed this type of person. They even had rituals to do it, like the bog people sacrifices. This process, over thousands of years, was self domestication.
It reinforced a population capable of moments of introspection that breaks, what amounts to, a toddler's mindset on interpersonal relationships.
Narcissist was a nymph who fell so in love with his own reflection in a pool that he fell in and drowned. N obody needs more than that. It is the entire instruction in dealing with shitty vain people. All else is jewish word bullshit and why their sick cult gets kicked out of country after country
[ + ] MasterSuppressionTechnique
[ - ] MasterSuppressionTechnique 9 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 06:09:44 ago (+9/-0)
True narcissists are easy to deal with because they have a blind spot in their thinking and only a handful of tools they use. When you are their target, it doesn’t seem easy, but that is only because you have fallen into an unfortunate pattern of behavior.
There are a set of rules and tactics you can implement that will gradually rob them of their ability to harm you. You can neutralize their ability to spread poison and you can even turn them to your own agenda without them knowing about it.
#Rule No. 1: The first rule in dealing with a true narcissist is implementing no contact as soon as possible.
They are capable of causing harm and you should protect yourself from that harm. You have a right to seek safety and protection. Also, have a “go bag” stashed somewhere with a set of keys, cash enough for a hotel room, a few changes of clothes and a smart phone or tablet that has a texting app that works through WiFi. Being able to walk away from a face to face confrontation is power.
The rest of this is for people who, for whatever reason, are unable to go no contact. Those of us who are trapped there know what that is like. These rules and tactics also apply to people who engage in standard narcissistic behavior, but a normal person’s ability to be reasonable and make compromises and amends means you shouldn’t really have to be hardcore about it.
#Rule No. 2: Never, ever, ever mention the word narcissist.
You will polarize this person in a way that will be difficult to return from. If you have done this, already, just let it fade into memory. Also, don’t use "gaslight", “triangulate”, “love bomb” or anything else that might lead back to literature that discusses narcissists.
#Rule No. 3: Never, ever, ever try to convince the narcissist they are a narcissist.
In fact, the best diagnosis for them is Borderline Personality Disorder, so that they can be convinced to go through cognitive behavioral therapy. You will usually not convince a true narcissist that they are a narcissist. If they become convinced, it will be because you have utilized these rules and tactics against them so well.
#Rule No. 4: Be polite.
Politeness is its own reward and it is your best weapon. The longer you are steadfastly polite, the more a person’s negative overtones become obvious to themselves and the people around them. Never give the appearance of being the hostile party.
#Rule No. 4: Ban sarcasm.
This is more difficult than I thought it would be, but it comes naturally, now. Sarcasm is just going to be used against you and make you look like the jerk. Especially in writing. If something can be read either way, specify that it is an honest question.
#Rule No 5: Ban secret conversations.
If you are texting, always make sure someone else is in the thread with you. No one on one texting. No coordinating against people in secret and don’t even allow yourself to be in a position where you give the impression you are coordinating with anyone. From now on, you don’t say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t tell them in person. Once you have lived with that, for a bit, then you can start telling people that you don’t participate in secret conversations to coordinate against anyone or put yourself in the position where that might be the case. You can use “court safe”, religion, “my therapy” as a reason, or even not bother to offer an explanation. “As a general rule of thumb, I have banned having secret conversation froms my life.” Once your problem person is aware of this rule, it will put them on the run, because they are going to go immediately have a secret conversation about it.
#Rule No. 6: Keep everything “court safe.”
This means that you should expect a judge to look over every email and text message and have secretly recorded conversations. An imaginary judge. This judge is looking for the hostile party. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to have your feelings and act upon those feelings. Just don’t show those feelings to anyone who isn’t safe or anyone who doesn’t understand how and why you have to protect yourself.
As far as real recordings, I recommend hunting cameras that are triggered by motion activation and always having a device around, like a smart phone, that is capable of taking pictures, recording sound and recording video. Know your local laws about recording people.
Now that you know the ground rules, here are your three tactics that you should employ in every exchange:
#Tactic No. 1: Telegraph the behavior.
You can often predict the problem person’s behavior. Simply by telling them you are concerned they are about to commit that behavior creates a trap for them. You’ll get better at predicting when you practice, but with no alternative you can also just explain past behavior in general terms, so that it doesn’t repeat. Generally, don’t use any jargon. Keep it simple.
“I’m afraid you are using your inheritance as a carrot to make me do things that I don’t want to do.”
“I’m concerned you are having secret conversations that are being used to undermine me.”
“Is there a chance you are going to play the victim card if I spell out some of your hurtful behavior?”
#Tactic No. 2: Reverse Triangulate
This merely means you bring as many sets of eyes in against your problem person as possible. This simply means telling your problem person’s “flying monkeys” or “harem” about the behavior without using jargon before the behavior happens so that the credibility of the rumors against you begin to slowly deteriorate.
By including people in the conversations and always being consistently polite, non sarcastic and “above” secret conversations, the extra set of eyes force a person to censor themselves. You can even use imaginary eyes like your “journal” or a psychiatrist that doesn’t exist.
(I have a fake psychiatrist, btw, that I use. This psychiatrist believes in, first, controlling your own reactions to bad behavior and then using truth, honesty and positivity to counteract dishonesty and negativity.)
If you are caught in conversation, often use “Person A says...” and “Person B thinks...” where the problem person is now forced to go through the extra cognitive effort to work around these other people’s points of view. It also allows you not to attach yourself to good ideas so that they will be discredited. Bonus points if you can attach a person you don’t like to an idea you do like while hinting you don’t like the idea.
#Tactic No. 3: Seek justification.
Just make this a habit. “I’m confused, can you explain that?” “I understand you are upset, but I don’t understand why?”
When ancient history gets drudged up, use, “I know, that was a long time ago, but what is going on with you RIGHT NOW that is making you feel that way?”
You’re never going to get justification. Or, you might, but that isn’t the purpose. The true narcissist can control their behavior. That’s what is most cruel about them. They know what they are doing. By investing minimal creativity into asking justification in different ways, the cognitive effort your problem person expends is exponentially greater. Don’t get caught up demanding explanations. Don’t even consider the explanation you do get to be truthful. Just ask for it.
#Combine Tactics FTW
Don’t go through a lot of effort. Use these tactics to free up your efforts to your own endeavors.
The shorter, the better. Try throwing all three tactics into one text message. “Hey, the ladies from church are concerned you’re going to try to lord over the next event. What do you think a good game plan is?”
Deploy and forget is a good guiding principle.
#THE TRAP IS SET. Wait for the work around.
If you have stuck to the rules and used the three tactics, it is a no win scenario for your problem person. They are either going to hit the pause button on their behavior or they are going to freak out. A lot of times, it only takes one public freak out to get immediate reprieve. While they are nursing their wounds and trying to find a work around, you can rest easy knowing that the three tactics are easy to come up with in the moment and you won’t have to stress about what comes next because you already know how to deal with it.
In the meantime, don't engage. The next work around will make itself known and you can chuckle to yourself at how much less energy you are spending on this stuff and how much extra energy they are spending.
They will spring the trap again and again because the true narcissist is unable to avoid it. The reason they can’t avoid it isn’t obvious to you because you are a normal person who doesn’t understand their mindset. It is good and normal if you don’t understand why these rules and tactics work so well. But, when you start to use them, you will see that they work instantly, even though the long term application is what is going to give you the relief you need.
Good luck.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3507631 2 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 06:30:09 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 1144757 [op] 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 09:31:14 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Deleted
[ - ] deleted 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 09:46:25 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 5087604 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 11:56:23 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3880981 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 11:57:03 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3780930 2 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 12:32:59 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3880981 2 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 11:53:17 ago (+2/-0)
Go to quora there is a ton of info about narcs there and it is a dark dark rabbit hole they are soulless demons most of the time and that's the nicest thing I can say.
Don't engage and ignore is your best bet
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 1144757 [op] 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 13:09:59 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3880981 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 18:18:04 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] PhantomXLII
[ - ] PhantomXLII 2 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 10:29:27 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 1144757 [op] 0 points 8 monthsOct 15, 2023 18:51:37 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] Ragnar
[ - ] Ragnar 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 19:35:52 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 1783417 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 13:19:32 ago (+1/-0)
A) Kill them
B) Leave
Option A is actually best for everybody, but risky for a lot of reasons.
Option B, you'll likely end up back here again with the same 2 options.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 4094443 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 12:29:34 ago (+1/-0)
Point out their tactics to others, and make sure they witness it and are present, to negate their ability to end-run you and get a mob after you. Demand reparations for any harm already done for you. Walk away and state you are done with them. Stay and "fight" by enforcing whatever boundaries you have and making them back off.
Whatever you do, make sure you discuss it with others in your life and explain your situation. If you don't, the narcissist will try to manipulate others against you.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 4149771 1 point 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 07:19:49 ago (+1/-0)
Use your manners and be polite and then go away. That's how you deal with a selfish person. It's how you deal with a vain person. It's how you deal with everyone you're not in a close personal relationship with. If your mommy wommy is a selfish loudmouth, she's still your mommy wommy. Be polite and then go home after the visit.
[ + ] MasterSuppressionTechnique
[ - ] MasterSuppressionTechnique 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 13:50:08 ago (+0/-0)
Narcissism, itself, is an overdeveloped sense of self importance relative to others where the person has not earned that place, resulting in deep self esteem issues that they, themselves, are only aware of in one dimension.
This is why constructive criticism is perceived as all out war to a narcissist. It is the heart of their dysfunction.
When directed properly, a narcissist is a useful soldier. But, when they experience and process fear associated with rejection, isolation, and loss of contact with reality, and loss of admiration, equilibrium, and important objects, they become total nightmares.
On the spectrum of narcissists, this fear and reactive behavior to fear is the dividing line.
In human nature, in human civilization, it is that dividing line on how people react to others telling them, "No. Youre being an asshole."
Normal people or narcissists within a tolerable threshold, will take no for answer at least long enough to evaluate whether or not they are the problem.
Our entire justice system is dedicated to people on the other side of the dividing line.
Now, in caucasian cultures throughout history, they simply killed this type of person. They even had rituals to do it, like the bog people sacrifices. This process, over thousands of years, was self domestication.
It reinforced a population capable of moments of introspection that breaks, what amounts to, a toddler's mindset on interpersonal relationships.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 1144757 [op] 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 15:32:10 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 1717788 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 17:57:11 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 4149771 0 points 8 monthsOct 6, 2023 03:47:09 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] Her0n
[ - ] Her0n 0 points 8 monthsOct 5, 2023 00:06:02 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2846496 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 12:32:54 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] Anus_Expander
[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 8 monthsOct 4, 2023 09:17:40 ago (+0/-0)