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For dangerous situations you must train the key word, “DANGER!”

I.e. when the kid tries to stick a fork in the light socket you run over, swoop them up, yell “DANGER!!” whisk them away from the area, hug them tight and say “are you ok?”
Same for hot stoves, high places, running with scissors, etc… do this a half dozen times and the word “Danger” will be a trigger word to get them to stop. DO NOT ABUSE the word or it will lose meaning and then when the kid sprints across the road it won’t work.

For the most part if they are misbehaving it’s because you haven’t taught them to behave correctly. It’s your fault they are misbehaving so it’s your responsibility to teach first. Positive reinforcement is the single best method. Repetition is necessary. Use a reward system of tokens. They earn tokens for demonstrating good behavior. That’s it. The reward can be a toy, tv time, a favorite snack, etc… they buy the reward with the tokens they’ve earned. Ignore bad behavior as it’s mostly attention seeking behavior. If they are doing attention seeking behavior, I.e kicking your chair, screaming, poking, knocking things over, then go over the ways they can get your attention in a positive manner, I.e. put your hand on my arm and wait until I look at you. You have to give them positive attention for positive attention seeking behavior. If they ask politely to play, you play.

Do not ever repeat yourself. Have a punishment lined up, I.e. they will lose a token. Say your request once, but do it right. Go up to them, touch them, get them to look at you, then make your request. If they refuse they lose a token. Shouting across the room is not effective. You only shout if it’s DANGER. I.e. walk up to them, touch their arm, look them in the eye and say “it’s time to clean your toys, let’s sing the clean up song (make it a game)” if they say no, then you say, “I’m so sorry but you lose a token.” That’s it. Punishment enacted, clean them up yourself and move on with your day. It will take LOTS of repetition so don’t get discouraged. It will eventually work.

A single swat, not a spanking, a single firm swat is ok to use very judiciously if it is not a DANGER scenario but it is an important scenario. I.e. a meltdown in the grocery store where they are dumping everything off the shelf. You grab, you say a firm NO and you give a single firm swat. Follow up with a hug.

Most bad behavior comes from over tired or hungry. Always have loads of snacks. Kids get hungry all the time and they have meltdowns just because they have low blood sugar. Try getting them to eat something before you fully judge their behavior.


Teach first. Predetermined punishment second. Positive reinforcement of good behavior. Ignore attention seeking behavior, or at least understand it’s probably due to them being hungry.

When they’re older switch from tokens to money. Around 7 or 8 give them 25 cents to clean their room, 25 cents to vacuum the living room, etc. it teaches them the value of money, the reward of earning money and good behavior as well.

Source, it’s worked pretty well with my kids.

Spare the rod spoil the child is code word for “I was the result of narcissistic abuse as a kid and instead of breaking the cycle of abuse I embraced it.”

When he gets older, make sure to teach him the "Why?" of the rules along with the discipline. My father was an effective disciplinarian but a poor mentor, and that cost me dearly in terms of squandered time and bad decisions. Teach him what to cherish, what to avoid, and don't underestimate his ability to imbibe wisdom.

I try to explain the first-level consequence (if you don't clean your room, it will be messy and you may step on toys and hurt yourself) and second-level consequences (if I step on toys in your room, I'm putting them in a bin in the garage and you can one back for each day your room is clean). My current (ever-evolving) method is focused on teaching that all actions have consequences, and inspiring the little ones to begin thinking about longer-term consequences. I think this will be the seed for a child to master self-discipline and delayed gratification. I wish someone would have taught me the same.

The consequence for not doing something I've told them to do is a time-out, not getting to go to grandma's house when the other kid goes, and sometimes a swat on the butt. Time-outs are the most effective so far.

Much the same, in terms of philosophy and approach.

In the instance of the stove, for example, natural consequences can be the best teachers. This is more of an opportunistic approach than a hard and fast rule - If one of them grabs a knife off of the cutting board, I'm not going to let them hang on to it long enough for natural consequences to occur.

Empathy is definitely my preferred angle of approach when they start getting rowdy. e.g. "When you hit the dog, it hurts his body and makes him sad". This is usually expressed as a follow-up after time in the corner.

I believe that children are mirror for their parents. If they are acting up its because you've trained them to, whether you know it or not.

I spank, but only for defiance or disrespect, never for accidents, and I give lots of warnings that its coming. Also, If I say it, I have to follow through.

Kids are line seeking missiles. IE they find the line whatever that is then put their toes just a centimeter over it. They are shittesting you, don't fall for it. That is a spanking in my book, but normally a gentle one. All I am looking for is contrition. The second the kid knows he's wrong we are done. When it comes to a test of will, you must NEVER lose to the kid or they will rule you forever.

Once the kids are old enough to understand it, I start to give them a choice in the punishment. For example the kiddo was being a jerk to his sister and not listening to me, I warned twice and was ignored openly. Ok mom, pull the car over. Kid knows he's crossed the line now, and is instantly obeisant. Sorry kiddo it's too late and you know it. But he has a choice, one swat on the butt if he doesn't fight me, or three if I have to hold him down. Lots of sobbing and attempts at negotiation, but ultimately he turned around and took it like a man. I was proud of him and barely swatted him at all. He still cried of course, but more from the fact that he didn't get away with it then the actual pain. Trust me I know, we rough house and box way way harder than that with no tears at all.

The girl is a different story, but with the boy I make lots of appeals to his manhood. "You are a man aren't you, and a man has to do what is right." Or "You messed up, and now you have to take your punishment like a man." This kind of thing normally gets the kiddo to admit he was wrong and take the meager punishment I'll met out without too much drama. This works because the boy sees the men around him and want desperately to be like us, and I want him to be like us too. So we do manmode stuff all the time, anything I can think of. Kid is all boy because of it. The punishments escalate if the kid digs his heels in and stays defiant. Remember, the punishment is feathered to the point it just barely compeles compliance. Swift, certain, sufficient.

The girl gets spanked a lot less, cus she is easier to break, IE the boy is wayyy more willful. I put the girl on top of the refrigerator and all bad behavior disappears. So ya, she gets a swat on the backside way less.

Now getting the others to go along with my discipline style or not step in cus "I'm being too harsh" is the real problem. Nothing infuriates me more than a women undermining me in front of the kids about discipline. Complete betrayal. Kids must never know that adults can be played against one another. But women in my experience are weak willed and too soft hearted to correctly tow the line, so it's inevitable the kids will walk on them, and oh boy have they. Oh how I've tried to correct it, but women today are a mess and don't/won't listen, and it's a crime to hit them, so I am left impotent to enforce my will. In before 10 people call me a pussy for not hitting her anyway and dealing with the fall out. Hell maybe you are even right. I war with myself about this often.

So ya, my is my single biggest complaint with child discipline isn't even with disciplining the children...

I've got a hyper active 3 year old that will continue to do things well past being verbally instructed not to. I swat his ass only when repeatedly being disobeyed.

The nice part is, now that he is older. I have stated using time outs and they are actually more painful then the swats.

I got to a point where he was like "go ahead hit me, get it over with, so I can get back to being bad".

But when you put them in time out. It's like a much deeper psychological warfare. I also set timers for the time out time and if he starts moaning or complaining... It starts over.

All and all at this point I save physical violence for more dangerous and a flippant negative behavior. It's much easier not to swat as they get older.

And I don't want my kid growing up with zero trauma it's not good for them.

You just really need to be very warm 10 or 15 minutes after stuff like that so they don't feel deeply affected and traumatized.

Be firm but gentle. When it comes to dangerous situations, your face is going to say enough that the toddlers can understand not to do that again. You can smack the hand or the wrist lightly occasionally but smacking kids is counterproductive and builds lifelong resentment. Disciplining by rewards and/or time out works fine.
The most important thing is to explain why something is wrong or should not be done.

Discipline is both. When a child misbehaves and you have to take corrective action through either corporal punishment or some other form of negative reinforcement that is instilling discipline in the child. The discipline that the parent needs to show example of is not punishing from a place of anger. Always be dispassionate in corporal punishment and then comforting afterwards.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

All the best behaved kids in our family group receive corporal punishment for misbehavior. Not torturous whippings or anything, usually a stern hand upside the head if they test boundaries. There is a remarkable difference in both behavior and intelligence between the well-guided kids and the hippie "positive reinforcement only" fuckwits.

Touch that shit again and I'll put you through that fuckin wall always seemed to work in the 1980s

Or

Turn the TV off go outside or start cleaning was always effective.

Stop the shit before it becomes a problem was always my go to.

I personally feel that discipline should be more about training and conditioning and less about punishment. You should do it in a detached manner like when training an animal. The goal should be to get a better response next time rather than to make them feel sorry.

I got whacked alot. The intention was to “break my will”, humiliate me even . It was a war of wills. I have never fully gotten over my resentment from that experience. It certainly didnt help me then and it didnt help me be a better adult. I hope you do better than my parents did in this area.

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Discipline incorporates punishment in drastic measures, yes, but its mostly about obedience. Positive reinforcement works better than punishment in general, but there are situations for both. You cannot positively reinforce your way out of him refusing to not climb a stair or making a mess somewhere.

Dont be afraid to overuse the word "no", but always remember to say "yes" to things which are important to them, such as spending time playing, reading a book together or simply sitting together to watch a funny cartoon.

Go read John Locke's essay on the topic

There’s a huge difference between punishment and discipline. We discipline to teach so they can be safe and grow into functioning adults.

My biggest advice is consistency. If it’s no this time it is no EVERY time. Especially when they’re very young, if you give in even once it will be a fight every time. If you stay consistent they understand that no is the final word and that stops most arguments before they start. They won’t whine for snacks right before dinner if they know that it will never happen because you’ve set the standard by never allowing it. So they stop asking. The same goes with picking up toys before bed, etc.

I was a strict mom but made an effort to “catch” them being good or patient, or generous. There was no prize beyond praise but they always puffed up with pride when told how awesome they were for their actions or attitude.

Above all, forgive yourself when you aren’t perfect.

Please don’t ask me about grandparenting because all bets are off!

Well for something like the stove it gets better when they are older. If possible expose the child's hand to the heat so they can feel what you are saying. That may be sufficient and they should remember it if it hurts.

If you want to go another step, if you have electric... make sure it's on low and test it yourself first but you would actually let the child touch the surface for a brief moment.

A lot of things in life it helps to ask the child why and not just give them the answers. Make them think critically about it and then drop a hint or two and then give the answer if necessary. Then ask them if they understand why. This is a big one as they grow up.

As far as discipline, one of the best outlets I've found is doing things physical. Not abuse or anything but like wrestling in an open area or arm wrestling. Both help channel stress and you can be semi-rough to teach the kid a lesson. This is what I mean by it gets better when they get older. Just be careful not to hurt the kid but I've used this in the past to let the child know I mean business. This works for boys and girls. It also teaches them physical boundaries and when it's too far. Using this approach it has limited spankings to a rarity.

Another good method is to remove the child from something they enjoy doing for 20mins, 1hour, 2 hours, etc. The child will be more likely to remember next time. If they don't then increase duration next time. We bought a plastic dice timer so they know they can get back on the computer, tv, game, etc.

I'd be worried with small children around a rooster. Those fuckers can be mean on random days and slash deep.

It's tough with a 2 year old. You have to child proof certain things because they may not remember or will do some shit like pull something down on themselves. Or run + trip and fall on something sharp or a hard floor.

Use your intuition to spot things proactively in your house and yard before they can become an issue. ie: put plastic plugs in electric outlets or something like removing sharp rocks/wood in the backyard.

'Do not ever repeat yourself.'

A child knows when you're bluffing. Even kids respect strength of conviction.

I smack their ass when they need it or they will grow up and be soy faggots