☰
×
Login Register an account
Top Submissions Explore Upgoat Search Random Subverse Random Post Colorize! Site Rules Donate
61

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says...

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 19:17:35 ago (+61/-0)     (Jokes)

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?'...and she's always sound asleep."



13 comments block

sort by: hot new top old low

[ - ] Doglegwarrior 9 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 20:15:55 ago (+10/-1)

Ok that actually made me legit laugh out loud.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 7 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 20:27:59 ago (+7/-0)

That was pretty much my reaction also.

[ - ] PrincessRobotBubblegum 6 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 19:29:29 ago (+6/-0)

Insightful.

[ - ] SecretHitler 4 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 20:57:43 ago (+4/-0)

Funny AND smart!

[ - ] xmasskull 4 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 20:56:09 ago (+4/-0)

Best One Yet,award!!

Keep'em coming!!

[ - ] con77 3 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 20:52:51 ago (+3/-0)

I had a friend tell me this years ago. "The problem with breaking up with a girl is that you have to stop belching and farting". He was serious.

[ - ] carnold03 2 points 2.0 yearsMay 19, 2023 07:15:39 ago (+2/-0)*

Awesome. I could actually see that as working to deflect an angry wife pissed her husband stayed out all night drinking.

[ - ] Anus_Expander 2 points 2.0 yearsMay 19, 2023 07:13:37 ago (+2/-0)

You finally got me to chuckle, softly

[ - ] Trickthegoyim 2 points 2.0 yearsMay 19, 2023 01:13:59 ago (+2/-0)

Both cucks. Take control loser

[ - ] TheNoticing 1 point 2.0 yearsMay 19, 2023 11:47:46 ago (+1/-0)

Easy: walk away from the plantation of relationships and marriage.

[ - ] dosvydanya_freedomz -1 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 22:18:33 ago (+1/-2)

i just dont get this joke at all. he asks for a blowjob but wife sounds asleep and....?

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 5 points 2.0 yearsMay 19, 2023 04:49:51 ago (+5/-0)

She's pretending.

[ - ] lastlist 4 points 2.0 yearsMay 18, 2023 22:45:02 ago (+4/-0)

She doesn't want to indulge his proposition, that's why she's always sound asleep.