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I just found two lumps on my car battery...

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 19:40:24 ago (+36/-2)     (Jokes)

I got it tested, and one came back positive. The mechanic, in what sounded like an Eastern European accent, told me, "It's terminal."

Depression is starting to sink in. I mean, without my battery, I feel like I can't get anything started.


15 comments block

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[ - ] Steelerfish 9 points 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:45:06 ago (+9/-0)*

I currently feel the negativity on your post.

you don’t seem grounded


I don’t mean to be short…

[ - ] pickingrinninspittin 5 points 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:56:33 ago (+5/-0)

And then a nigger stole the battery. The end.

[ - ] bossman131 4 points 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:33:07 ago (+4/-0)

I'm shocked@!

[ - ] carnold03 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 11:16:00 ago (+2/-0)

You're like a dad joke dispenser.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 16:06:27 ago (+2/-0)

I am like a dad joke pharmacist.

[ - ] dalai_llama 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 11:19:34 ago (+1/-0)

Pretty sure this guy was a pun that developed sentience and now exists as an AI ghost in the machine.

[ - ] BoozyB 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 08:07:31 ago (+2/-0)

Stay positive, Man. Don't lose hope and start dropping acid. We're here for ya.

[ - ] Anus_Expander 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 17:26:46 ago (+1/-0)

kys

[ - ] bonghits4jeebus 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 16:53:17 ago (+1/-0)

Actually that reminds me of a question.

My BMW is whining about excessive battery drain. But the battery seems ok. I even had it in the shop for something else, and they said the battery is fine. It always starts, but it whines on startup and shutdown.

However, it annoys me how the car acts when it thinks the battery is low. So about once a month I'm charging the car's battery (externally with a Li-Ion battery tender).

What gives?

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 16:55:33 ago (+0/-0)

That is a question for the "guy at the shop" to answer.

[ - ] bonghits4jeebus 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 24, 2023 17:30:32 ago (+1/-0)*

I guess, but they don't really know. Unless they've seen it before. The procedure for the warning is just check the battery, and I can't reproduce the problem on command without risking discharging the battery completely.

I will try a different board though. That was just a random post. People on here are knowledgeable at various things.

[ - ] kammmmak 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 21:03:07 ago (+1/-0)

I actually laughed twice.

[ - ] SecretHitler 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:38:36 ago (+1/-0)

I know you're depressed, but this is a White neighborhood. Standing around looking like that is a good way to get jumped.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 5 points 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:47:07 ago (+5/-0)

One time a native american injun pulled over and jumped me. I had my reservations, at first, but then I went and took a few hits off the pipes in the back of the car. After that I was 2 leather moccasins to the wind, if you know what I mean.

[ - ] SecretHitler 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 23, 2023 20:50:03 ago (+2/-0)

Literally dead 🤣☠