×
Login Register an account
Top Submissions Explore Upgoat Search Random Subverse Random Post Colorize! Site Rules Donate
43

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter explained, “You died in your sleep, Bob.”

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 17:57:54 ago (+45/-2)     (Jokes)

Bob was stunned, “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past, "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"

"Not bad." replied Bob the hen. "But I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating." explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?!" "Never!" said Bob. "Well, just relax and let it happen." says the rooster. "It's no big deal." Bob did and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg — his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head and heard his wife yell, "BOB!! Wake up!! You've shit the bed!"


18 comments block


[ - ] RMGoetbbels 10 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 19:46:13 ago (+10/-0)

Women, crushing every man's dream since eternity.

[ - ] dulcima 3 points 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 02:57:36 ago (+3/-0)

Bob's dream was to have sex with a rooster?

[ - ] RMGoetbbels 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 07:31:08 ago (+1/-0)

Bob is obviously a homo.

[ - ] deleted 3 points 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 00:41:08 ago (+3/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 3 points 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 00:46:12 ago (+3/-0)

I apologize for the joke not meeting your minimum requirements for realism. As soon as I can find a suitable Moderator, we will give you a full refund.

Sincerely,
The Management

[ - ] TardWhisperer 2 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 20:04:16 ago (+2/-0)

Why did you delete your other joke that was marked Adult about the father and son?

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 2 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 20:30:43 ago (+2/-0)

After this joke rose up the front page and the other one only had one upvoat, I figured that maybe it wasn't as funny as I had initially thought. I didn't think anyone would notice, lol. BTW, thanks for noticing. 💰

[ - ] lastlist 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 21:25:22 ago (+1/-0)

Repost that joke.

[ - ] SilentByAssociation 2 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 21:29:04 ago (+2/-0)

I second this.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 2 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 21:52:24 ago (+2/-0)

And done.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 21:51:40 ago (+0/-0)

Done.

[ - ] uvulectomy 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 23:00:21 ago (+1/-0)

Fecal humor is for kikes.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 23:11:06 ago (+1/-0)

whispers "Is that you, rabbi?"

[ - ] ThisGuy 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 07:01:34 ago (+1/-0)

I bet you're fun at parties.

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 0 points 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 11:41:19 ago (+0/-0)

He's a party pooper.

[ - ] ThisGuy 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 12:10:12 ago (+1/-0)

[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 2.7 yearsAug 26, 2022 21:10:48 ago (+2/-2)

Wow, that was actyually funny as shit, faguette

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.7 yearsAug 27, 2022 00:10:28 ago (+1/-0)

I'm glad you enjoyed it, faggitron.