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38

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 3.3 yearsMar 9, 2022 21:00:18 ago (+38/-0)     (Jokes)

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor!”



14 comments block

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[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 10 points 3.3 yearsMar 9, 2022 21:04:02 ago (+10/-0)

To our wives and our girlfriends, and may they never meet!

[ - ] WhiteCollarCriminal 1 point 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 00:17:37 ago (+1/-0)

And never give your girlfriend a card from the same account your wife is on. Live and learn!

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 3 points 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 03:34:01 ago (+3/-0)

Took me wifey to the doc cos shes a bit scared.

Checks her over, looks at her sternly, and says "you have acute angina"

I said "yeah and shes got a great ass too"

[ - ] xmasskull 2 points 3.3 yearsMar 9, 2022 23:24:11 ago (+2/-0)

Loaded questions spouses ask:

Does this ____ make me look fat?

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 3 points 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 03:34:50 ago (+3/-0)

The correct response is "yeah but it takes the attention away from your face"

[ - ] xmasskull 2 points 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 03:38:31 ago (+2/-0)

Damn! Now that is an instant classic.!

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 1 point 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 04:58:07 ago (+1/-0)

Go hard or go home.

Worked with a 50 domethubg dude in guardhouses a decade ago, liked to put his dick around a bit. Wife didnt know she knew... he would accuse him, he would look her dead in the eye and tell her "yep and it was fucking great" without flinching.

She would eye him off, and say "youre fucking full of shit" and that was usually the end of it. If pressed, he would go into details.

Theres no telling some women...

[ - ] FalseRealityCheck 1 point 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 05:55:19 ago (+1/-0)

Worked with a guy many years ago.

At a company social function he got to be talking about all the sex he was getting. (His wife was standing right next to him.)

His wife snickered and made some comment about how he was full of shit, and that he wasn’t getting laid all that often

He responded with, “I didn’t say it was with you.”

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 0 points 3.3 yearsMar 11, 2022 02:03:14 ago (+0/-0)

I just realised why 'we should let them out of the kitchen' happened.

Some prick wanted to shag his colleagues missus but couldnt talk his way into her knickers quick enough...

[ - ] 2Drunk 1 point 3.3 yearsMar 9, 2022 21:46:11 ago (+1/-0)

I'm would have gone with your sister, but that's just me.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 3 points 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 03:36:33 ago (+3/-0)

My sister is a piece of shit but she does drop some bangers sometimes.

I wrote "i wish your mum was this dirty" in dust on my car.

Bitch put a line through it and wrote "my sister"

Didnt fucking see it for days.

[ - ] Peleg 1 point 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 08:31:15 ago (+1/-0)

Rodeo sex.
You mount your wife doggie style, get a good grip, and say, "this is your sister's favorite position", and try to hang on for 8 seconds!

[ - ] thebearfromstartrack4 0 points 3.3 yearsMar 10, 2022 13:00:56 ago (+0/-0)

I don't fall into that trap at all. They can go fuck themselves. Girls are dumb.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 0 points 3.3 yearsMar 11, 2022 02:03:36 ago (+0/-0)

Yes bear. Youre a genius.