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I've been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I typed my symptoms into a search engine to see what I might have.

submitted by Centaurus to Jokes 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 15:45:45 ago (+26/-2)     (Jokes)

It's kids. I have kids.


24 comments block


[ - ] bobdole9 5 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 16:50:17 ago (+5/-0)

Haaaaaa.

Sometimes the little sex trophies need to learn to listen. They're little, so I don't know what I really expect, but for crying out loud stop picking your nose!

[ - ] SilentByAssociation 3 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 18:21:00 ago (+3/-0)

sex trophies

Wow. I'm going to start using this (when appropriate). All I've ever seen are sprogs as of late -- not many sex trophies in my world.

[ - ] Her0n 3 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 18:23:06 ago (+3/-0)

My little supremacist is doing great, maybe you need to look in the woods for the rare purebloods?

[ - ] paul_neri -1 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 18:49:53 ago (+0/-1)

f..king kids stick their fingers in any hole they can find. I remember visiting the breeders in my family and mum giving a plate of something to little nephew/niece and the little shit would stick its paw in and grab whatever it was and hold it out for Unca Paul and I was faced with a terrible dilemma with Mum watching me like a hawk to see if I'd take the offering and me not wanting to offend her. I stopped visiting my family.

[ - ] Ragnar 2 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 21:56:02 ago (+2/-0)

You might have murdered your mother but she still has a huge hold on you.
Good thing you don’t have kids though

[ - ] paul_neri 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 22:23:57 ago (+1/-0)

"she still has a huge hold on you." - a day doesn't go by that I don't detest her, covert narcissist that she was. Old bitch at 94, in collusion with her old c..t of a brother, concocted a story that I was threatening self-harm and sent the cops to my house 'cos I'd blocked both their tel calls because their constant calls upset the missus who is highly strung.

[ - ] Ragnar 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 11:44:44 ago (+1/-0)

You literally just described and admitted to being under her hold. She rules you from beyond the grave hahahahaha. Bad mothers are a punishment.
I’m shocked you have a wife. What kind of a sociopath hates kids and life enough to marry you?

[ - ] paul_neri 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 19:27:58 ago (+0/-0)

Ragnar! This does not sound like you. Normally you're a sweet young man! I know you're vacillating about vaccines but just take the jab (x2) and get on with your life.

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 20:52:38 ago (+0/-0)

Of course, an aussie cuck pushing for the vax

[ - ] paul_neri 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 19:31:47 ago (+0/-0)

sorry I didn't answer your question.

"What kind of a sociopath hates kids and life enough to marry you?"

You're correct. Me missus is a sociopath and indeed narcissistic. Sometimes I think there's truth in the adage that we look for our mothers in our wives.

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 20:51:40 ago (+0/-0)

Ha! That did make me chuckle. But if I were to marry anyone like my mother, I would kill myself.

[ - ] MuricaPersonified -2 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 02:22:06 ago (+1/-3)

No disrespect; I really don't give a damn about the drama around here- but you do seem to be both high strung and "not give a shit" simultaneously, paradoxically.

That preface said, I can totally relate. Mine's not dead yet, but I am supporting her with almost half of my income after a lifetime of bitching and abuse (and pissing away my inheritance). My sister's the millionaire, the one doted on. Why the fuck am I the one housing and supporting the old cunt? She treated me like shit my entire adolescence, and would drive to my house in early adulthood just to bitch at me. Whatever. I'm drunk and this topic brings out the salt.

[ - ] paul_neri 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 02:32:44 ago (+1/-0)

You are doing a very fine thing. One thing I realised when listening to my mother's gripes, indeed justified as they were, is that if you don't care for someone it's very difficult to...care. I remember wishing my father was still alive to say soothing things to her because it didn't come naturally to me. Still...she made her bed in life and ultimately came to lie in it. You put your needs/career before your kids you can't expect a bond to form.

[ - ] MuricaPersonified -2 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 02:56:57 ago (+1/-3)

We've got a bit in common. My father didn't die, though. My mom left him, and she dragged us along for the ride during my pubescent years. Immediately learned she had a problem with men and would take it out on any lead male around, which immediately became me. Long story; won't go into it. My father had a nice company going, and would still visit us for a week twice a month, then once a month, then once every few months, then seldom until I finished HS. I still traveled down and worked for him every summer in his warehouses until the recession, then I moved into one of his Miami condos and worked for him full time for several years until finding my own way.

He married his secretary ten years back and now he rarely talks to any of us. Pissed his company away too. My boomer parents had everything and literally ruined everything they built and gained, and left nothing for my sister and myself. We worked our asses off, and we PAY our parents who had every opportunity, took it, thrived off of it, then cashed out and lost. I do what I do because of a base familiar instinct, but I am very bitter about it. I send my father money regularly- a PhD holder and industry-respected publicist/translator for decades... borderline broke!

I do it because of sense of family, but it's always been broken. I do ok, but my sister is the big money maker. Why am I the one dealing with the aftermath of a squandered wealth? I didn't care much until recently; never wanted kids, and now I do. Unfortunately now I'm never in one place for long, and am away from home for months at a time. Relationships are off the menu, as are single women without other mens' brats and tattoos.

[ - ] paul_neri 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 03:20:36 ago (+0/-0)*

I can understand you being bitter. The burden of elderly parents never seems to fall equally. Still you must feel something for your father ("base familial[r] instinct") and I think that should help soften the blow of unfairness a little bit. They say you're never totally free until both your parents are dead.Good luck.

[ - ] MuricaPersonified -3 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 03:39:38 ago (+0/-3)

I do. I love him far more than my mother. I just saw him for the first time in years recently, but had been and still am talking to him a couple times a month. My mother on the otherhand, it's all about new bullshit expenses and new things to bitch about, which I need to somehow handle.

[ - ] account deleted by user 2 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 20:19:06 ago (+2/-0)*

account deleted by user

[ - ] Centaurus [op] 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 21:21:17 ago (+1/-0)

lol

[ - ] paul_neri 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 22:26:30 ago (+1/-0)

Absolutely spot on. It's a myth the kids will be there for you in old age. For a start there's a good chance they won't be on the same continent and families have falling outs...the best laid plans of mice and parents...

[ - ] paul_neri 1 point 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 18:46:03 ago (+1/-0)

eek! I'd rather have coronavirus!

[ - ] Ragnar 2 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 21:54:27 ago (+2/-0)

This is why everyone hates you

[ - ] paul_neri 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 19, 2021 22:33:13 ago (+0/-0)

everyone except @yesiknow who adores me.

Ah Ragnar. Look, I know kids can be lovely little things and if I had one of course I'd treasure it until it grew up and became awful.

The young folk next door have kids and they are very good parents but the stress of me and the missus raising their kids by default (hearing the dramas; the disciplining etc) is taking a toll on us and when I think this organised chaos is occurring in billions of families across the globe I get depressed.There is absolutely no need for it. Life doesn't have to be hard and stressful.

[ - ] paul_neri 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 01:48:12 ago (+0/-0)

just checked out your stuff hoping you'd be a girl but seems you ain't. I'm so disappointed.

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 2.6 yearsOct 20, 2021 11:34:36 ago (+0/-0)

Stop stalking me, faggot