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WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, the CIA has replaced enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding with something even more torturous and effective: 12-hour academic lectures on intersectional feminism.


"Waterboarding has been shown to be very effective," said the anonymous source. "But that's been replaced now. Now we just pop in a tape of Robin DiAngelo, Stacey Abrams, or Joy Behar. Sometimes we'll really ramp things up and make them watch Coca-Cola's diversity training on a 12-hour loop."


Terror suspects will be subjected to lengthy lectures about cis-male privilege, heteronormative patriarchy, and microaggressive mansplaining. Sources say these lectures are 1,282% more effective than regular old waterboarding.


Critics have criticized the new interrogation method, saying that such cruel torture should be limited only to American universities.