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My entire life has been a nonstop carnival of cringe

I once drove my car into a fire station. A big, unmoving building.

In college once, I was so broke that I "panhandled" a pack's worth of smokes by just bumming from a series of people in a grocery store parking lot. I spent that night in the drunk tank. The low point of my life. Later, I would read the police report. When the cops arrived, finding me half-buried in a snow drift, they asked, "Are you alright?" Apparently, my response was: "I am now, officer." I've never said anything gayer in my life.

Some of the memories that will still give me pangs have to do with totally misinterpreting women. There is a "one that got away" that I still think about on occasion. Absolute knockout. 11 on a 10-scale. No business being with me. But it turns out she was into me. I invited her to the house of a friend of mine (who I thought she wanted). I was there with another pick-me girl. Some years later, a friend of "The" girl told me she had only come that night because she thought I invited her to come with me.

I told my first real crush in the 7th grade that I wanted to kiss her, and I told her where to meet me so we could do it. I was standing there alone at the designated time like a complete moron. That's when I learned that you don't ask for permission to do some things, you just gotta risk it in the moment.

Soliciting anecdotes on an anonymous website is kinda embarrassing

Where to start?

I'm sure this is nowhere near the top, but first that comes to mind. I was meeting 1 of the 3 legit lunatics I've been with in my life at a motel in bumfuck Tennessee. I was getting there way before her, so I took a shower and called her, naked and pacing around the room the whole time. While I was still on the phone, I saw blood under me. I then noticed a blood trail all over the room where I had been pacing. Apparently, I knicked my ballbag with the clippers, and it looked like a serial killer crime scene in there. It took every towel and rag to clean up, which I left blood soaked in the trash bucket.

Last might i made your mom so wet trudeau had to call in the 2nd infantry brigade to sandbag the bedroom.

I had the moment but the embarassment was hers.

I was walking along a riverside in downtown (city) with my college gf, and decided to carve the classic (my name) ♥ (her name) into the retainer wall with a quarter.

I spelled her name wrong.

TBF she had an uncommon spelling of an uncommon name. But got dayum did I wish I could disappear into thin air at that moment.

I was fuckin' yer mom and your dad walked in. I was scured at first, but then he wanted to join. Totally embarrassing cause I had to tell him to wait his turn and that I don't go that way. Awkward watching him walk out, checking his watch.

The most cringe shit I could think of is groping my high school girlfriends boob while at a party. I really should be been more of a dapper fellow.

Way back when I was 14,I had just repaired a front flat on my 20in.bike later friends & I were practicing wheelies, in the middle of a pretty good wheelie my front tire dropped off. With no balance left I dropped the wheelie,the forks grabed the asphalt a whoom-over the handle bars I went,I scrapped my chin & forehead right in front of this hot girls house. Yep,she saw the whole thing and was LHerAO...that's the last time I did wheelies in front of her house.

This one time, someone asked me how I was doing, and I said "grood". After that, I had choice, but to change my name, and go into hiding.

My "coach" dad was taking me out of a baseball game (which I regret asking my parents to sign me up for) because I was doing poorly, but my teammates begged him to let me stay. I was crying in front of my team and I'm sure the other team saw it.

I'm so glad he's a pile of ashes in a container. He should have been born sterile.