I just got a call and visit from a DCF officer this morning. Stupidly (in retrospect), I talked. It was over my son being pinched. Yes, thumb + forefinger grab some skin and pinch. It was a punishment for continually dumping sand in my truck from his shoes. After many a verbal warning, he got a physical punishment. He says it left a bruise, but I'm pretty sure the bruise is from him climbing trees because it's not near where I pinched, and it's similar to other tree climbing bruises.
Regardless, his pre-Kindergarten school reported me apparently - without even talking to me about it first (another W for homeschooling) - and next thing I know CPS is calling saying they'll be at my house in 5 minutes. Which wasn't enough time to research how to handle the situation. From what little I've gleaned since, it appears that if I bar them, they could just assume the worst and take the child into protective custody (which leads to a judicial hearing w/in 24 hours). Let me reiterate - ALL FOR A PINCH. We regularly pinch each other in play fights and wrestling. But I'm sure he came in crying because he got in trouble, told a teacher I pinched him, and they went running to CPS/DCF.
From what I understand, if the school sees a mark, they're required to report it. Which is ironic given how many times we've picked him up with a busted lip or bumps and bruises and they're like "please sign the incident report; he 'walked into a door' (or something)." I'm just shell-shocked and caught completely off guard - I'm not an abusive parent. I spank from time to time as an elevated consequence, and I give thorough explanation of why the punishment is carried out.
Anon for obvious reasons. My diction probably makes me identifiable to the astute.
the story isn't surprising. whats surprising is that you havent pulled your child from that den of predators already. most people i know are already homeschooling or preparing to. you havent heard the last of those cps creeps, i suspect.
But I'm sure he came in crying because he got in trouble, told a teacher I pinched him, and they went running to CPS/DCF.
Hes a baby. He was asked and then he said what happened. I bet he didn't go in crying.
I'm sorry this happened this is a huge fear of mine. But having seen others go through these things stay calm. Stay outside.
A neighbor of mine years ago was sending her daughter to daycare while she worked, her mom called her telling her the daycare had called her ( grandmother) to tell her that the child had been taken to the hospital for an examination due to possible evidence of abuse. A bruise on the underside of her butt cheek.
Neighbor hightailed it to the hospital where the police wouldn't let her in to see the child after awhile they let the grandmother in.
Grandma .... Should have hit every fucking person involved. She took a look licked her finger and the bruise started to wipe off.
The bruise(dirt mark) was from the swing at the house and the girl was only 3 at the time.
Surprisingly the mother who was a hot headed woman kept her cool for her child and went home. Probably the best way to play it.
They indoc your kids to report you. My kid came home from 1st grade and told me that if I ever spanked her or scared her she would call 911 like the teacher told the class to do. I told her she'd have to get to the phone first and if that was her plan I was going to make sure it would be worth it for her to call the police.
I don't consider that lessons in distrust, but lessons of trust. No one else would fight like that for a child's best interest but the parents. Episodes of power and corporal punishment should be but a few instances. Definitely teach them to not take abuse from the authorities and that includes asking about your mommy and daddy. "My mommy and daddy say that you should ask them about us."
[ - ] anon 4099710 [op] 1 point 10 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:40:39 ago (+1/-0)
It's a race to the bottom in this broken system. Why are any kids in any public schools when you should only need a one-parent income to have a decent life (and the other parent to child rear)? Why do I need a fucking smartphone that I pay for to access my work computer? Why do I need a smartphone at all, or why do I call it a "phone" when that's just an app on the device that crashes half the time? Well because everyone wants you to use their app. Want your kid to play an organized sport? Oh we don't do paper registrations - get this app. Yea sign up for the field trip through the app. I'm not even sure it shifts the burden from the organization to the user - now instead of paperwork, you've got data systems and portals to maintain. Oh, and the users now have to take up space on their expensive personal devices to access the system... anyway...
He's in pre-K because that's when school starts for kids these days. All the kids that are failing and repeating grades at his future school didn't attend pre-K. Sure, maybe they're just regular dumb, but many/most passed on the second attempt, which suggests they just weren't at grade level because they missed.
I guess I'm Lance Armstronging it. Yea, competing with PEDs is wrong, but it's either that or don't compete. Best I can do is show my kids the world and explain what's wrong, but I have to provide for them too which means I can't be stuck with them all day. Though after this my wife and I are looking more seriously at single income home schooling.
Though as I was driving home yesterday I was realizing that the fertility problem doesn't boil down to pure selfishness on the part of younger generations. That is a problem, but I think it's a symptom of the larger problem being that people are disincentivized to have children. Kids are expensive, and one income just doesn't cut it. So you what, have a kid you love and would die for just to send them away for the better part of the week while you make some suit a couple extra bucks so he can pay you not to die? Oh, and now, if the state thinks you pinched your kid a little too hard as a punishment, you get to lose custody until the court case is settled and you'd better lawyer up ($$$) if you ever want to see him again.
Oh yea, and if your wife leaves you, yea, you know the rest there.
Yea I think a WFH + Homeschool option needs serious consideration. I just don't know exactly what that would look like, but I know this isn't working.
I redshirted my second so hard like seriously kinder at 7 ( late birthday I lucked out I know) redshirted. If you don't know what homeschooling looks like (I dont either) ease yourself into it by going the ugggghhhhh dreaded k12 route. I hate it I'm not doing it next year fuck you you can't make meeee. It's a lot of nonsense busy work maybe it's my fault since it's literally baby work and he's well past it but they keep bugging me sorry HARRASING me for vaccine records that I don't have and don't even need until he's in the 2nd grade when they do state testing. (Or third, I forget) But that could be an introductory route for you and the wife.
First kid went though a mix of public/ k12 type schools for the first few years until the sixth grade. You can get kids into sports through public schools while homeschooling it's just forms also programs like band just call you dept of edu and they'll act stupid but there are forms.
I was lied to and told my oldest couldn't get her GED at 16. Flat out lied to so we waited until she was 18 and everything's been fine.
You can make it on one income even if it's practically nothing it's just a matter of how much bullshit you're willing to put up with.
Tldr; Good luck, k12 sounds like your best option, there's always a way around something.
Two hours of instruction is probably a week of indoc center instruction. Maybe two weeks. (They really only learn spitback and that is the govt measure of a smart child. Reptition in rules of math and grammar good-never having to apply it not so good.) And it does not have to be schooled between 9 am to 430 pm. There are online k-12 schools and probably schools that send actual texts and work books. Chalkboards are still amazing too. There's this other thing called Unschooling. Look into that one. Be advised, unschooling and homeschooling means you become the leader and gotta be consistent. Have some hard skills that require math like carpentry. Heck, wanna lay that cement patio? That's a week of unschooling, even planning what you need is a skill and why? Start planning secondary education for those teenage years as soon as you get comfortable with having that self-schooling dynamic. Network and find other parents to brainstorm with and cooperate. It could be a very exciting family adventure.
Not surprising. A friend had cps show up unannounced by someone calling in saying they thought the parents weren't feeding their kids nutritious food!!! Not kidding!!
Of course cps won't release who this "caller" was to confront or question. They automatically assume the parents are at fault. Apparently innocent until proven guilty does not exist with cps. And yes, cannot say enough great things for homeschooling!!!
I have many stories like this. My son broke his wrist in wrestling practice, on camera and with a full report from the coach. Some harpy from the school still reported it to CPS and I got a visit. It was traumatic for all of us. My son has autism and felt like he did something bad too. Just nod your head, cry and don't admit to anything. Kids get little bruises all the time. The pre k IS trying to jam you up. If it was the teachers family member no way would they have reported. Pull him out now, pick a different school so they dont think its sus, youre just mad, then immediately go to homeschool.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 1086399 4 points 11 hoursMay 21, 2025 13:57:57 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2493536 1 point 11 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:07:13 ago (+1/-0)
Hes a baby. He was asked and then he said what happened. I bet he didn't go in crying.
I'm sorry this happened this is a huge fear of mine. But having seen others go through these things stay calm. Stay outside.
A neighbor of mine years ago was sending her daughter to daycare while she worked, her mom called her telling her the daycare had called her ( grandmother) to tell her that the child had been taken to the hospital for an examination due to possible evidence of abuse. A bruise on the underside of her butt cheek.
Neighbor hightailed it to the hospital where the police wouldn't let her in to see the child after awhile they let the grandmother in.
Grandma .... Should have hit every fucking person involved. She took a look licked her finger and the bruise started to wipe off.
The bruise(dirt mark) was from the swing at the house and the girl was only 3 at the time.
Surprisingly the mother who was a hot headed woman kept her cool for her child and went home. Probably the best way to play it.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3308285 2 points 11 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:07:28 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 2493536 1 point 11 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:11:01 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3308285 4 points 10 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:31:53 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 2493536 2 points 10 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:38:15 ago (+2/-0)
Get to your kids before they do. You may think "these topics are too mature" no they are not. I instill distrust in them young.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3308285 0 points 6 hoursMay 21, 2025 19:00:10 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 4099710 [op] 1 point 10 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:40:39 ago (+1/-0)
He's in pre-K because that's when school starts for kids these days. All the kids that are failing and repeating grades at his future school didn't attend pre-K. Sure, maybe they're just regular dumb, but many/most passed on the second attempt, which suggests they just weren't at grade level because they missed.
I guess I'm Lance Armstronging it. Yea, competing with PEDs is wrong, but it's either that or don't compete. Best I can do is show my kids the world and explain what's wrong, but I have to provide for them too which means I can't be stuck with them all day. Though after this my wife and I are looking more seriously at single income home schooling.
Though as I was driving home yesterday I was realizing that the fertility problem doesn't boil down to pure selfishness on the part of younger generations. That is a problem, but I think it's a symptom of the larger problem being that people are disincentivized to have children. Kids are expensive, and one income just doesn't cut it. So you what, have a kid you love and would die for just to send them away for the better part of the week while you make some suit a couple extra bucks so he can pay you not to die? Oh, and now, if the state thinks you pinched your kid a little too hard as a punishment, you get to lose custody until the court case is settled and you'd better lawyer up ($$$) if you ever want to see him again.
Oh yea, and if your wife leaves you, yea, you know the rest there.
Yea I think a WFH + Homeschool option needs serious consideration. I just don't know exactly what that would look like, but I know this isn't working.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 2493536 1 point 9 hoursMay 21, 2025 15:18:02 ago (+1/-0)
I redshirted my second so hard like seriously kinder at 7 ( late birthday I lucked out I know) redshirted. If you don't know what homeschooling looks like (I dont either) ease yourself into it by going the ugggghhhhh dreaded k12 route. I hate it I'm not doing it next year fuck you you can't make meeee. It's a lot of nonsense busy work maybe it's my fault since it's literally baby work and he's well past it but they keep bugging me sorry HARRASING me for vaccine records that I don't have and don't even need until he's in the 2nd grade when they do state testing. (Or third, I forget) But that could be an introductory route for you and the wife.
First kid went though a mix of public/ k12 type schools for the first few years until the sixth grade. You can get kids into sports through public schools while homeschooling it's just forms also programs like band just call you dept of edu and they'll act stupid but there are forms.
I was lied to and told my oldest couldn't get her GED at 16. Flat out lied to so we waited until she was 18 and everything's been fine.
You can make it on one income even if it's practically nothing it's just a matter of how much bullshit you're willing to put up with.
Tldr; Good luck, k12 sounds like your best option, there's always a way around something.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 3308285 0 points 6 hoursMay 21, 2025 19:08:03 ago (+0/-0)
Start planning secondary education for those teenage years as soon as you get comfortable with having that self-schooling dynamic. Network and find other parents to brainstorm with and cooperate. It could be a very exciting family adventure.
I hope all goes well the tyke.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2079459 2 points 10 hoursMay 21, 2025 14:35:10 ago (+2/-0)
Not kidding!!
Of course cps won't release who this "caller" was to confront or question. They automatically assume the parents are at fault. Apparently innocent until proven guilty does not exist with cps.
And yes, cannot say enough great things for homeschooling!!!
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 1909743 0 points 3 hoursMay 21, 2025 22:11:11 ago (+0/-0)