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when the fuck was that

I made it a team-building exercise in confronting fear.

"Okay, You stand right here with the bat, while I go in with the flashlight. If he's under there, I'll grab him and drag him out, and when I tell you, you start whacking him with that bat just as hard as you can. Just be careful not to hit me, okay?"
"Ready?"

TFW it turns out there's no monster after all. Disappointment.

"Okay. Well, if he WAS there, we scared the shit out of him and he skedaddled. Bet he's never coming back. But if he ever does, we're ready for him, right?"

Turn free-floating anxiety into a plan. The seeds planted earliest grow the tallest.

1) "Never let your guard down."

2) "Speed, surprise, and violence of action usually does the job."

(There was always a lingering thought in the back of my mind: "Okay self, have you got a plan for what to do if you ever come in and find your son standing by his bed with a bloody bat in his hands, over the corpse of an actual, no-shit, monster? Because if we've already accepted the premise, then you probably should. Might need it. Better do some preventative maintenance on the wood chipper. You know, just to be sure.)