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Are you of the sorrowful impression that the beacon of heroism dimmed into the flicker of a wet match as it beamed onto the compromised station of your life?

Is your resentment of others due to an over abundant lack of recognition and respect for your contributions to the economic growth of Kuala Lumpur and your 10% donation to the NGO that captured your heart during a commercial break on the Home Shopping Channel while tweaking your ankle bracelet when under house arrest? Do you regret not reading the instructions for the maximum intake of the "quality enhanced" Metamucil formula? Does it bother you that the savings on that bulk order of Malaysian toilet paper is far from covering the cost of the case of industrial wipes required after the glutinous consumption of synthetic gastric purgitive rendered you temporarily blind after frantically rubbing your eyes with the same fingers that the inexpensive Malaysian toilet paper failed to insulate from excretory contact when attempting to slow the subsonic scatter of viscous bowel content? Does it feel like life has dealt you a shitty hand and that all you've accomplished has been flushed down the toilet quicker than your choice of toilet paper?

There is hope. The time for your moment in the spotlight is nigh. As a tribute to all that you've done, never did and never thought of doing, you are recognized as a possible recipient of the " Alexei Grigoryevich Stakhanov" award, and as such, should you be successful in your application for this prestigious praedial paradox, your reputation as an asset to society will be amplified through the panel's decision on whether or not to accept your application for the illustrious ALEXEI STAKHANOV award.

Note...please provide proof of pic and shovel along with medical records indicating the number of broken bones, whipping scars and nutritional deficiencies.