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13

I almost had passionate sex with Helena

submitted by Anus_Expander to whatever 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 06:22:26 ago (+17/-4)     (whatever)

Motel 6, East Orlando, 2019: during my last ether binge (never again, I swear!) I slid into PWH's DMs and convinced her to drive down from Jersey to 'git jiggy wit me' (my exact words, cringe..). She arrived disheveled, reeking of Franzia. All business, she snorted a crushed Adderall and bellowed 'WHIP IT OUT, AND SHOW IT HARD, FAGGOT!!' Suddenly this seemed like a terrible idea, possibly my worst ever. Shivering, I dropped my pants. Helena pointed at my genitals and screeched 'IS THAT A FLEA BITE, NIGGER??' Crying and cursing, I pulled my pants up and left, her booming guffaws ringing in my ears. To this very day, she sends me laff emojis.


24 comments block

sort by: hot new top old low

[ - ] AngryWhiteKeyboardWarrior 0 points 5 monthsDec 24, 2024 09:06:45 ago (+0/-0)

Damn, bro hasn't had a woman laugh that hard over his tiny dick since his mom first held him.

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 0 points 5 monthsDec 24, 2024 17:03:40 ago (+0/-0)

FACT: it's still the same size

[ - ] Ragnar 3 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 23:56:48 ago (+3/-0)

Had you stayed longer she would have whipped out her hard one faggot

[ - ] Trope 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 14:08:25 ago (+0/-0)

I hope she reads this because this was fun and light-hearted.

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 18:15:08 ago (+0/-0)

She will send me 'angry red face' emojis

[ - ] boekanier 2 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 11:33:05 ago (+2/-0)

you're obsessed with her/him

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 18:15:36 ago (+0/-0)

It's the other way around actually

[ - ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic 3 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 11:25:42 ago (+3/-0)

That one downvote is the funniest thing in this thread.

[ - ] ProudRebel 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 11:19:50 ago (+0/-0)

Any stds? Some chicks you only have to get close.

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 18:17:41 ago (+0/-0)

Dunno, but she did smell like Valtrex and hydrogen peroxide

[ - ] ButtToucha9000 2 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 10:41:54 ago (+2/-0)

Man if I had a dollar for every time this happened...

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 1 point 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 18:16:40 ago (+1/-0)

...you would be a broke-ass nigger. Wait, you ARE.

[ - ] ButtToucha9000 0 points 5 monthsDec 26, 2024 11:52:49 ago (+0/-0)

NO U REEEEEE

[ - ] TheBigGuyFromQueens 1 point 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 10:05:19 ago (+3/-2)

Helena would definitely show up unannounced at your job without you ever having a prior interaction.

[ - ] observation1 6 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 09:49:19 ago (+7/-1)

Deplorablepoetry doesn't hold a candle to this fine art

[ - ] Anus_Expander [op] 2 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 09:50:14 ago (+2/-0)

Thanks for not mocking me

[ - ] Clubberlang 1 point 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 11:29:39 ago (+1/-0)

Yea his prose is gay and homosexual.

[ - ] iSnark 3 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 09:29:27 ago (+3/-0)

Son, I recommend that you consider electro-shock therapy...

[ - ] Smedleys_Butler 1 point 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 09:17:54 ago (+1/-0)

As helena's druid I can confirm this

[ - ] beece 0 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 09:10:09 ago (+0/-0)

Porn shorts

[ - ] con77 2 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 08:30:37 ago (+2/-0)

con 77 jaw agape in awe

[ - ] Peleg 4 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 08:20:34 ago (+4/-0)

You poor thing.
Bless your heart.

[ - ] bobdole9 9 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 07:04:15 ago (+9/-0)

WHIP IT OUT AND SHOW IT HARD, FAGGOT!

🤣

[ - ] dulcima 6 points 5 monthsDec 23, 2024 06:43:46 ago (+6/-0)

Thanks for sharing.