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8

Last Madness of Fall

submitted by TheodoreKent to TheosOpiumDen 4 monthsDec 8, 2024 20:36:29 ago (+8/-0)     (TheosOpiumDen)

Alone,
Alone,
Alone Again,
No Thanks Given,
Fallow Field to Amend,

Spite you Fickle Father,
Prick your Simple Face,
Let Time Flow Now,
Without your Step-Mother's Embrace,

Choose a Hill,
And Choose a Grave,
and Choose a Childhood Memory,
Over which we shall Pave,

The Road is Ridden with Whiches and Won'ts
And I have never learn't,
My Do's,
From my Don'ts

And Tonight,
is the Night,
That I will...


8 comments block


[ - ] CHIRO 3 points 4 monthsDec 8, 2024 20:58:34 ago (+3/-0)

Bravo, Theo.

I am really into this one.

A highly pretentious note: how do the last two lines of the second stanza sound to your ear when written:

and Choose a Memory
o'er which to Pave,

[ - ] TheodoreKent [op] 2 points 4 monthsDec 8, 2024 21:44:22 ago (+2/-0)

and Choose a Memory
o'er which to Pave,

Yeah that is way better, although I feel like adding apostrophes to the middle of a word is a little bit pr'tentious

[ - ] SumerBreeze 1 point 4 monthsDec 8, 2024 21:48:19 ago (+1/-0)

F’ckin hell

[ - ] CHIRO 1 point 4 monthsDec 8, 2024 22:07:47 ago (+1/-0)

Hahaha. You ain't wrong. It's super pr'tentious. I am pr'tentious. Anyway, t'was an excellent poem.

[ - ] Puller_of_Noses 1 point 4 monthsDec 9, 2024 05:51:02 ago (+1/-0)

Kipling is smattered with them.

To take your chance in the thick of a rush, with firing all about,
Is nothing so bad when you've cover to 'and, an' leave an' likin' to shout;
But to stand an' be still to the Birken'ead drill is a damn tough bullet to chew,
An' they done it, the Jollies—'Er Majesty's Jollies—soldier an' sailor too!
Their work was done when it 'adn't begun; they was younger nor me an' you;
Their choice it was plain between drownin' in 'eaps an' bein' mopped by the screw,
So they stood an' was still to the Birken'ead drill, soldier an' sailor too!

Note: "Jollies" are the Royal Marines.
Note: The Birkenhead drill is an unwritten code of conduct exclusive to White men. It means saving the women and children first.

[ - ] TheodoreKent [op] 1 point 4 monthsDec 10, 2024 19:13:32 ago (+1/-0)

Yeah, but Kipling is H-Dropping, D-Dropping, and G-Dropping in a manner that is actually consistent with colloquial spoken English at the time, and it is almost always at the beginning or end of a word, except when it is a compounded proper noun, like Birken'ead.

But I've never hear anyone actually drop the -V- in O'er, so that does not get a pass.

If that makes any s'nse.

[ - ] Puller_of_Noses 1 point 4 monthsDec 12, 2024 06:23:52 ago (+1/-0)

How about ere to denote before. It doesn't make sense, but it sounds poetic.
Or e'er instead of ever.
(Found this site while looking for correct spelling. You m'ght like)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetic_contraction

[ - ] TheodoreKent [op] 1 point 4 monthsDec 12, 2024 14:44:58 ago (+1/-0)

'Tis o'er 'Twas,
O'er th' Heav'n Ta'en De'il
Needn't th' Rh'me,
Gi' o''most R'veal