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9

Dealing with a crazed homeless fuck

submitted by TheOriginal1Icemonkey to AskUpgoat 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 00:02:51 ago (+10/-1)     (AskUpgoat)

Trying to figure out what to do about this guy.
He’s been coming around about once every month or two.
He'll either be out in the parking lot, yelling about some shit, or, he’ll come into our store.
He usually comes in hollering about something, makes his way up to the counter and grabs a few candies out of the dish on the counter, yells about some shit and then we push him out of the store.
The nigger police know him very well.
He’s never been physically violent, but I’m just fed up with his shit.
I don’t believe in putting a beating on someone who hasn’t been a threat, but I’m about tired of his shit.
What say you?
@Peckerwoodperry


40 comments block

sort by: hot new top old low

[ - ] Sleazy 7 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 00:06:12 ago (+7/-0)

Have you told him he is not welcome? Told him not to come back?

[ - ] Sector2 4 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 00:14:00 ago (+5/-1)

Empty a whole can of pepper gel into his mouth, nose, and eyes. Do this every time he trespasses.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 23:33:24 ago (+0/-0)

you really wanna get that close to a rapey hobo?

[ - ] Sector2 0 points 7 monthsOct 31, 2024 00:23:37 ago (+0/-0)

Range is claimed to be 18 feet. Let him approach to 9 feet and give him a live stream.

[ - ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 00:15:43 ago (+4/-2)

Get Jehovas Witness pamphlets and meet him at the door every time and say: "I would like to speak with you about our dear lord, Jesus Christ". If that doesn't work then tell him you are a Nazi and looking for some recruits. Or find out if he hates fags. If he does then start hitting on him and tell him you want to lick his taint raw in a totally non gay way. Psychological warfare can be a very powerful thing. You just need to fish and figure out which angle.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 23:34:40 ago (+1/-0)

this is putting a decent effort in to things. i like it.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 6 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 00:22:07 ago (+7/-1)

find out where he lives and superglue him to something.

[ - ] ProudRebel 3 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 08:27:49 ago (+3/-0)

Found the evil genius.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:09:11 ago (+2/-0)

anyone would think im a cunt...

totally not true.

cunts have depth and warmth.

[ - ] lord_nougat 4 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 01:18:19 ago (+4/-0)

As a Lord, I hereby authorize intense and painful violent response.

[ - ] bobdole9 3 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 06:24:26 ago (+3/-0)

fires up woodchipper

Acceptable?

[ - ] lord_nougat 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 07:41:26 ago (+2/-0)

It'll do for now.

[ - ] JudyStroyer 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 08:57:42 ago (+2/-0)

Till we need more gas

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 23:30:25 ago (+0/-0)

just run it a little slower. if it gums up half way through a certain ex premier of victoria (i mean his cardboard cutout touring the uk, not the real thing obviously because im not in meinkraft) then they will just have to sit their and wait patiently while you start it up again.

"This is what happens when you shut down the petrol industry, we run out of the ability to do things quickly and with less pain... oh by the way, while we have a moment, i dont suppose you might be able to tell us whose kid you fucked to be blackmailed in to... well.. what youre here for now? dont know what im talking about? oh shit whoops just knocked the jerry can over, better go get more petrol, lucky for me i got a bunch of chinese cans from ali baba, do you know china? of course you do..."

[ - ] AntiPostmodernist 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 01:32:37 ago (+1/-0)

what does he say? can you make anything out?

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:04:12 ago (+1/-0)

Barely. Mostly screams and yells incoherently.

[ - ] Cantaloupe 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 01:54:37 ago (+2/-0)

Usually you can subtlety deal with such things if you take a wider view.

He must have a schedule. Note the times he comes in, and what kind of candies he takes. If there is a camera, where does he come from and go to?

Throw the data into ChatGPT and have it predict a schedule. Shut the door at those times.

Put out a few types of candy - two bowls, what kind does he take? Stop buying that kind.

[ - ] puremadness 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 02:27:56 ago (+1/-0)

If you dont want to hurt someone there are a number of deterrents available that do not permanently injure when deployed correctly.

Pepper spray, Taser rides, sonic pain fields (those are real).

[ - ] puremadness 3 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 02:40:32 ago (+3/-0)

You are all that stands between civil society and raving madness.

You do not need our permission.

but but but WHO DECIDES?

You decide. That's who.
Don't fuck up.

[ - ] boekanier 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 02:58:52 ago (+0/-0)

that is a problem that a government agency should take care of. Certainly not you.

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:03:00 ago (+1/-0)

Really? So I have a problem and I call the police. Now I have two problems. Btw, the police are who handles this crap in this particular town.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 23:36:35 ago (+1/-0)*

thats what happens when you try and report your dealer for selling you short.

...

set up camera. buy a cigarette of him for a buck but be sketchy as fuck about it and dont let the camera see the smoke. wait till hes asleep. plant a bag of weed on him. call cops.... uh maybe wear a hoodie when you buy the smoke.

'hey i heard you pulled a dealer, heres a vid of him doing it'

[ - ] x0x7 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 04:06:25 ago (+0/-0)

lol

[ - ] GreenSaint 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 03:43:37 ago (+1/-0)

Just hit him a little bit just a little

[ - ] x0x7 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 06:46:20 ago (+2/-0)

The lazy use zog to solve their problems. Of all the mean things you could do to deter him from the store the police are the ones who could do him real harm.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 23:41:02 ago (+0/-0)

youre just not trying hard enough.

from what ive heard security guards arent allowed to be trained the shit that i learned. pain compliance is useful. because it hurts.

[ - ] GreenSaint 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 03:43:52 ago (+1/-0)

Can’t you trespass him or something

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey [op] 0 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:01:58 ago (+0/-0)

I’m considering that.

[ - ] x0x7 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 04:05:51 ago (+2/-0)

Spray him with a hose. If you only get a chance to interact with him indoors use a spray bottle like he was a cat. Add a very small amount of ammonia to the bottle. It's not harmful but it is unpleasant. Don't add enough to alarm police.

[ - ] bobdole9 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 06:25:33 ago (+1/-0)

Is spraying Windex assault?

[ - ] x0x7 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 06:43:20 ago (+2/-0)

Technically yes. Technically even the plain water is.

Oh forget my comment about ammonia. Add sugar to it. Make that MFer sticky. Something that isn't alarming but makes that guy think "I don't want to go there and get sticky again." Ok, water, sugar, corn syrup, ammonia. That's your best mix.

[ - ] Hobama 0 points 7 monthsOct 31, 2024 12:45:17 ago (+0/-0)

Dont forget to add some ethyl alcohol to that ammonia

[ - ] Nalbarcam 4 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 06:15:22 ago (+4/-0)

Stop him at the door to your business and attempt to have a normal chat with him. Doesn't work. Nah, sorry, you're not coming in.

On your property / parking lot? Just take a walk outside, stand within speaking range and just hold ground. If said hobo gets aggro: say nothing, simply record (evidence if violence occurs)

Point is, he's annoying you? Just be around the fella and either talk or vibe him out. If neither works then calmly by the elbow and walk him off your property in the politest way possible (again while filming helps in case). If he aggros, you have footage. You have the face to pass on, and you have your own frame to instruct your other fellas how to handle it.

Otherwise just mace / pepper his knees or lower torso. Should send a strong enough message

[ - ] Sheitstrom 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 07:44:02 ago (+2/-0)

Establish a steering group to mediate a meaningful discussion on climate change and its disproportionate negative affect on the homeless population.

[ - ] ProudRebel 5 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 08:27:10 ago (+5/-0)

Mental illness is a bitch. If he's White then love and tolerance is our code.

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey [op] 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:00:28 ago (+2/-0)

He’s a halfbreed or a quadroon. It’s hard to tell.

[ - ] fritz_maurentod 2 points 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 10:23:21 ago (+2/-0)

Buy him a one way ticket to California and convince him of all the benefits over there plus the good weather.

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey [op] 0 points 7 monthsOct 31, 2024 01:16:35 ago (+0/-0)

I’m in California. Why do you think I have this problem?

[ - ] letsgetit 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 12:23:55 ago (+1/-0)

Throw a couple stink bombs in the area, he'll clear out

[ - ] Panic 1 point 7 monthsOct 30, 2024 17:41:54 ago (+1/-0)

What kind of candy does he go for? If chocolate, replace the candy with shaped laxatives.