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Well, infection rates are apparently down (THANK HEAVENS!) and more and more NYers have volunteered for the great medical experiment we refer to as vaccination. However, many shareholders and their visitors may still want to be tested regularly for Covid-19 and not only have a more accurate test result, but the added convenience of doing it at home. Luckily, I’ve devised a comprehensive plan to assist these anxiety-ridden residents in a way that will not only quell their fears, but can also be a profitable arrangement for the building.

Typically, testing samples have been collected through oral swabbing, but this hasn’t been entirely accurate and has led to many false-positive and false-negative results. However, I think that China is the vanguard of testing procedures as they swab from the anus. Still, I suspect this manner of testing—however innovative—may ultimately be lacking due to the sphincteral skin being mostly dead, keratinized tissue (However, it is only logical that deeper swabbing will cull live tissues from within the rectum).

So, I propose a dedicated self-swabbing station. Maybe it can be situated in the board office at ground level. You can work out a deal with Labcorp or a similar vendor to collect the samples and tack on a nominal service charge for the building maintaining the integrity and sterility of said station and its supplies. I imagine the testing vendor can supply bags of various sizes to collect samples. Now, if you can just permanently mount a tissue-collecting implement like this to a designated wall at varying heights, you guys should be all set:


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https://pomf2.lain.la/f/d5crhqy1.webp



Yours in continued health,

William