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9

Blaspheming to annoy my wife.

submitted by PeckerwoodPerry to whatever 10 monthsJul 1, 2024 23:50:00 ago (+13/-4)     (whatever)

I have two cats, and I give them a small handful of crunchy treats every night. I got them conditioned to eat them one at a time from my hand. My new thing is to say "body of Christ" every time I give them one. My wife hates it, but I think it's hilarious. We were both raised Catholic and she still holds on to a lot of that. I'd like to think God has a sense of humor though, I mean look at the comedy gold that is down syndrome.


22 comments block

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[ - ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic 10 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:45:30 ago (+10/-0)

I wouldn't piss her off right now. She has to drive you around everywhere, no?

[ - ] Love240 7 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:00:33 ago (+7/-0)

It's a bad idea to spiritually antagonize your wife.
From multiple standpoints this is a bad idea.

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry [op] 4 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:17:03 ago (+5/-1)

It's not spiritual antagonizing, it's quite literal. She doesn't even go to church anymore and is closer to Buddhist anyway, she just doesn't know.

[ - ] Love240 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:36:56 ago (+0/-0)

I didn't say anything about church.
She hates it, you said so yourself.
That's exactly what it is.

[ - ] boekanier 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:46:39 ago (+0/-0)

"she just doesn't know"...there is hope: wisdom comes with the years

[ - ] KosherHiveKicker 3 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:14:09 ago (+3/-0)

So you are intentionally attempting to piss off the woman who cooks, cleans, does your laundry, and share a bed with?

The opportunity cost for making that joke might not be worth it.

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry [op] 7 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:20:08 ago (+7/-0)

She cooks and cleans and does my laundry? Well I'll be a son of a bitch. If I knew she was pretending to almost burn the house down every time she boils an egg I'd have let her do it herself. Don't get me started on the laundry.

[ - ] KosherHiveKicker 3 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:21:40 ago (+3/-0)

So she needs to be conditioned in "Making Sandwiches 101"?

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry [op] 5 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:25:56 ago (+5/-0)

She has kitchen anxiety, and I really enjoy cooking for us. She does other things, we play off each other's strengths.

Also, she knows I'm just fuckin around and we love each other unconditionally. You don't stay together fourteen years with someone you're incompatible with.

[ - ] MaryXmas 2 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 09:18:08 ago (+2/-0)

Yeah, people do. It's pretty sad they wouldn't use that time to improve their relationship.

[ - ] WhiteCollarCriminal 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:27:56 ago (+2/-2)

I feel sorry for any man who doesn't share the kind of relationship with his wife where he can do something like that and you both instantly appreciate it because you know each other so well.
EDIT:
Cats are gay and evil!

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry [op] 4 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:33:06 ago (+4/-0)

I don't need your pity and animals can't be evil.

[ - ] WhiteCollarCriminal 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 23:15:54 ago (+0/-0)

I wasn't giving you pity and that was a joke. Clearly I overestimated your intellect. Sorry.

[ - ] WhiteCollarCriminal 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 23:17:30 ago (+0/-0)

Yeah seriously after reading your comment again I'm amazed you really didn't get that that was a joke.

[ - ] ProudRebel 3 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 06:28:44 ago (+3/-0)

Your sobriety is gonna drive her to drink.

[ - ] con77 2 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 00:37:52 ago (+2/-0)

My brother. Blasphemy is a sin. Not funny.

[ - ] lord_nougat 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 01:05:52 ago (+1/-1)*

Unlike rape, which is hilarious!

[ - ] QuestionEverything 1 point 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 08:15:24 ago (+1/-0)

pride will lead to regret.

you're better than that.

[ - ] HelenHighwater 1 point 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 08:23:18 ago (+1/-0)

If you can train your cat to meow something that sounds like "amen" after receiving the treat, it would be hilarious.

Just don't get too carried away or that altar cat is going to start looking sexy.

[ - ] xmasskull 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 01:23:20 ago (+0/-0)

She won't go "Lorena Bobbitt" on you,will she?

[ - ] Gowithit 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 14:24:52 ago (+0/-0)

My wife hates it

The real problem is when she stops paying attention.

Then you know.

[ - ] bobdole9 0 points 10 monthsJul 2, 2024 20:06:12 ago (+0/-0)

If you end up in hell, I'll join you; that is funny!