To speak is to perform. I have no desire to put on a performance. My voice is completely dead, quiet, unemotive, and has no affect at all. If I was the most attractive person in the world, it wouldn't matter. I cannot have a relationship with how I speak. On a 1 to 10 score my charisma in real life is negative. There is nothing there and no desire to become an actor in order to perform. Even if I wanted to, I have no acting ability whatsoever.
However you are imagining I act, how I really am is far, far worse. Theres nothing salvageable.
All I want is a relationship and I have no clue how to accomplish that with how I communicate.
Theres a massive disconnect with how I communicate in text and how I speak. In text, I'm interesting, engaging, curious, and high energy. I'm actually probably too overbearing in text, which can scare people off. I don't care about that though. If I find someone that is willing to engage me, I'm going to end up boldly asking them about anything and everything, I'm SUPER curious about people. But In real life all of that just evaporates and I become a retarded zombie. I feel nothing. I become a numb husk of nothing. I can carry a text conversation for hours with people barely saying 3 words between my paragraphs. But in real life I just zombify. Even If I force myself to say everything that comes to mind, firstly I think most of what I think of sounds cringe as fuck, but still it isn't even close to enough to even get carried in a conversation.
If I were to text someone on a dating site and then set up a date it would be fucking hilarious to see. They wouldn't recognize me at all because I'm so different in real life. I can't explain this strongly enough, the difference is *INSANE*
I don't think this is solvable to be honest. Thank you. White power.
Your problem is that you're neurotic because you've fallen into a negative feedback loop.
Stop dwelling on your lack of relationships and start focusing on what you can do. Go fishing, get a dog and start walking it at parks. Fix up your property. Stay active with hobbies and constructive activity.
Your mental health will be much better if you can break your self-destructive shut-in mentality.
Oh dangus. Where to start. The secret to a happier life is having more pleasant people in it. Join organisations and you'll eventually meet a like-minded soul.
A better opting is to spend some time on YouTube, look at videos of how crafty women are, and what they do to men! Video after video of girls being extreme Cunts! Better yourself in as many ways as possible, DO NOT look for a girl, live your life, When the right one comes along you will know, Also, Study up on MGTOW! even if you don't adapt that lifestyle, you will learn a lot!
"I cannot have a relationship with how I speak. On a 1 to 10 score my charisma in real life is negative. There is nothing there and no desire to become an actor in order to perform. Even if I wanted to, I have no acting ability whatsoever."
You better get a wish to become an actor because absolutely everyone who acquired social skills went through a horrible phase where they stumbled through without knowing the rules, but copied others and learned to act while they learned the skills.
The rules are in every old book on manners, courtesy and graces. Most of the examples in those books are outdated, but the rules of social exchange don't change. You learn them and don't think about them afterwards so spontaneity is possible.
You will end up guiding the idiot you're speaking to as soon as you realize they're idiots who are actually fumbling more than you. If they weren't, they'd know how to put you at your ease and draw you out, just for their own interest.
You've probably never offered them any hint or suggestion that there's a reason for them to put any effort into drawing you out.
It's your job to draw them out, and a few rules will give you the knowledge and confidence to do that
I would pay to watch someone as bad as me do this. Would be the funniest shit ever but its a good idea.... I'm wondering if I can find a tutor or something now...
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Socializing is a skill that needs to be developed. You have to practice in order to get better.
I'd recommend setting some goals and starting off small. Seek social opportunities that are of no consequence, such as speaking with people that you will never see again. That could be at a sporting event, a bar, or even on a date with someone you have no romantic interest in.
A word of advice I received when I was young was to dance with ugly girls for practice. When a hot girl came along, I'd be able to dance with her without looking complete like a fool.
It's the same concept for speaking. You'll make mistakes. It's better to quickly get past them without significant consequences if any.
It's solvable, YOU have chosen to not solve it is all. Let your brain sort through what you need to do and to be who you want to become, and your body will follow. Nobody can do it for you. Not your mother, not your brother, not me, not anyone on this board. You must be the one to effect change in yourself.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2087311 2 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 19:08:23 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] MuricaPersonified
[ - ] MuricaPersonified 2 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 18:58:55 ago (+2/-0)
Stop dwelling on your lack of relationships and start focusing on what you can do. Go fishing, get a dog and start walking it at parks. Fix up your property. Stay active with hobbies and constructive activity.
Your mental health will be much better if you can break your self-destructive shut-in mentality.
[ + ] paul_neri
[ - ] paul_neri 2 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 18:29:31 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 1102499 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 22:17:01 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 1769245 1 point 1 monthMay 13, 2024 20:27:30 ago (+1/-0)
You better get a wish to become an actor because absolutely everyone who acquired social skills went through a horrible phase where they stumbled through without knowing the rules, but copied others and learned to act while they learned the skills.
The rules are in every old book on manners, courtesy and graces. Most of the examples in those books are outdated, but the rules of social exchange don't change. You learn them and don't think about them afterwards so spontaneity is possible.
You will end up guiding the idiot you're speaking to as soon as you realize they're idiots who are actually fumbling more than you. If they weren't, they'd know how to put you at your ease and draw you out, just for their own interest.
You've probably never offered them any hint or suggestion that there's a reason for them to put any effort into drawing you out.
It's your job to draw them out, and a few rules will give you the knowledge and confidence to do that
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 9636286 1 point 1 monthMay 13, 2024 18:44:08 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 7758698 [op] 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 22:48:39 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 9636286 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 23:27:00 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 7956789 1 point 1 monthMay 13, 2024 18:25:40 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2693471 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 13:57:59 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2721220 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 01:33:44 ago (+0/-0)
I'd recommend setting some goals and starting off small. Seek social opportunities that are of no consequence, such as speaking with people that you will never see again. That could be at a sporting event, a bar, or even on a date with someone you have no romantic interest in.
A word of advice I received when I was young was to dance with ugly girls for practice. When a hot girl came along, I'd be able to dance with her without looking complete like a fool.
It's the same concept for speaking. You'll make mistakes. It's better to quickly get past them without significant consequences if any.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2922925 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 00:23:51 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2470655 0 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 20:59:06 ago (+0/-0)
Then go pick up books on social etiquette, how to make friends, any why you are the way you are.
Also, check out the rice experiment. Whether you say you're bad at socializing in person or good at socializing in person, you're right.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2734659 0 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 18:39:18 ago (+0/-0)
Think. Then act.
Good luck
Chickenshit
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 7758698 [op] 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 22:49:35 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] FreeinTX
[ - ] FreeinTX -3 points 1 monthMay 13, 2024 19:02:38 ago (+0/-3)
Canada has a plan that's right for you.
[ + ] anon
[ - ] anon 7758698 [op] 0 points 1 monthMay 14, 2024 22:50:27 ago (+0/-0)