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Get a dog. Problem solved.

By design, yes. And?

You remind me of my time working as a mercenary for the Bangladeshi military. There was a young lad there who we boarded at our tent camp named "Rishi"
It was generally understood that, every day, before nightfall, he was to blow not less than three of the regiment's soldiers before receiving his cot and rations. I’d say you're his spitting image. Maybe even his swallowing image.