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Holly Golightly speaking: "Health Update Paul Neri. It is my sad duty to inform you...

submitted by paul_neri to Health 3 weeksApr 4, 2024 22:27:06 ago (+11/-2)     (Health)

the bastard has nothing seriously wrong with his anus. He had his colonoscopy a few hours ago and the Specialist's Report says: "moderate hemorrhoids noted". So...no polyps, no anal caner like poor ol' Farrah Fawcett. Fawcett was diagnosed with anal cancer in 2006 and died three years later at age 62.

paul speaking: "Thanks Holly, I can take over now so why don't you run along and make us a cup of tea.".

Yes it's a big relief to know something's not eating out my backside but the irony is I'm still in significant discomfort/pain. Medical Science can't fix everything.

But one very good outcome. I learned about Picolax - a laxative. If you ever worry about being severely constipated and your stools turning to stone...get this stuff. It's explosive and liquefys your bowel contents after 30 mins. The laxatives you get at the supermarket pale into insignificance.

If there's one thing that's been brought home to me as I attended surgeries and even hung out at a major hospital (as a curious visitor), looking at all the folk with their war wounds; the elderly...it is we live on the rim of a Volcano. How fragile we are:

https://www.upgoat.net/viewpost?postid=660f5eda5130a



19 comments block


[ - ] SecretHitler 6 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 00:44:02 ago (+6/-0)

Kikes love to talk about feces and faggots love to talk about assholes

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 0 points 3 weeksApr 6, 2024 00:12:25 ago (+0/-0)

You'll never get over it, will you? She-wanted-to-make-love-with-me, dude, end of story. I know it's confronting but trust me we didn't give you much thought.

[ - ] SecretHitler 0 points 3 weeksApr 9, 2024 04:46:03 ago (+0/-0)

You already said you're afraid of and grossed out by pussy paul.

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 0 points 3 weeksApr 9, 2024 09:57:55 ago (+0/-0)

That was about eating the stuff.

[ - ] uvulectomy 4 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 00:25:27 ago (+4/-0)

KYS queeri

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 0 points 3 weeksApr 6, 2024 00:12:49 ago (+0/-0)

I love you.

[ - ] drstrangergov 2 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 01:25:43 ago (+2/-0)

No more kiestering cucumbers Mister.

[ - ] Cantaloupe 2 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 00:15:29 ago (+2/-0)

Make sure you are getting enough fiber - non-sorbate prunes.

Drink enough water, and walk.

[ - ] boekanier 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 01:13:33 ago (+0/-0)

good advice

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 02:27:05 ago (+0/-0)

I have drunk more water in the past few days (prep for procedure) than I thought possible. Felt I was drowning at times. Horrible experience.

[ - ] dingbat 2 points 3 weeksApr 4, 2024 23:51:55 ago (+2/-0)

Intermittent fasting is good, too, as a preventative. Gives your stomach time to build up the good bacteria that assists with digestion. I eat within a window of 8 hours and fast for 16.

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 02:27:57 ago (+0/-0)

Yes. I think I need a diet change. Smaller portions.

[ - ] Sector2 1 point 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 07:23:44 ago (+1/-0)

Good to hear you survived the colonoscopy. There's an above zero chance of perforation when they're poking around in there, and it would be an embareassing way to go.

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 1 point 3 weeksApr 6, 2024 00:15:25 ago (+1/-0)

Yes they warn you about that but, you know, you don't have an option. It felt like I had a massive tumour up my arse and the pain can be dreadful (7/10) but thankfully it's not always continuous.

[ - ] paul_neri [op] 1 point 3 weeksApr 6, 2024 00:20:07 ago (+1/-0)

Embarrassing? Many years ago when I went for a colonoscopy I needed to give a poo sample to a doctor's staff member. The woman quite calmly took the sample (in a tube), held it up to the light and examined it. I was mortified and asked her to put it away. But it's a different world, hospitals and doctors' surgeries. Poo etc is simply part of life.

[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 09:08:00 ago (+0/-0)

Very disappointing, but it's not to late to neck yourself

[ - ] deleted 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 01:12:53 ago (+0/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Gowithit 0 points 3 weeksApr 4, 2024 22:46:09 ago (+0/-0)

Or applecider vinegar and milk. Havent used it personally but I saw someone who was constipated for 2 weeks do it and boy did she blow afterwards.

[ - ] boekanier 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 01:14:28 ago (+0/-0)

you saw that?

[ - ] Gowithit 0 points 3 weeksApr 5, 2024 01:18:34 ago (+0/-0)

Yeah. I was in shock when she poured that much acv in the glass of milk. I thought she meant like a drop or two nohoho she poured half the damn bottle in there! Took about almost two hours. but it worked. I am not a doctor. I just got paid to watch old people do weird shit and clean up after them.