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They have everything to do with the religion itself.
They've defined it, in totality, for millennia.
They translated, interpreted and curated that incoherent book you are all such a fan of.
They've dictated canon and interpretation for hundreds of millions of people.
The church IS religion.
Without church, people believe whatever the hell they want to believe.
Perhaps that's your jam if you're a spiritual anarchist.
But the average European IQ is now less than 100.
Motherfuckers don't sit down to read, objectively study, and explore esoteric truths no matter what y'all claim on the internet.
They apply their subjective perspective to string together a bunch of modern ideas they think sound good in order to make their religion.
Even modern formal christian study is a pale shadow of the institution Kierkegaard so eloquently apologized for.
No matter the faith, be it christianity, Hellenism, The European pantheon, Buddhism, or American Indian shamanism - there are always those who dedicate their lives to the study and exaltation of the divine and help those that spend little of themselves in the pursuit.
The abrahamic cults are pure cancer but the choose-your-own-divinity fuckbois that profess the correctness of their unique brand of christianity are worse.

I would imagine having a dick in your ass is at the very least mildly uncomfortable

The problem they are having is the church preaching about putting dicks in their children.

I think based off neo pagan church (i still havent found a good term for them yet) behavior, there's a lot more reasons why people are exiting churches. Notice, most people are leaving churches but not necessarily Christianity.