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Not so good with the reading comprehension, eh?

edit - lol, this a conspirajeet's alt. what a faggot.

THE STORY OF CONSPIROLOGIST, or WIRE YOU SUCH A FAT, HATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT?
by JAH

Once upon a time in a trailer park in the middle of some cracker hillbilly backwater, there was a neckbearded incel loser named Conspirologist. He was so fat that even pedophiles wouldn’t molest him, but he still took their candy anyway, and he used his great big mound of blubber to sit on them to keep them from molesting him. Other than that, he was a useless lump of shit who was never very good in school, and nobody really liked him, and he farted a lot because that’s what fat white cracker fucks do after they shove their face with processed carbs. His farts were so rank, several of his classmates were hospitalized from the fumes. This fat fuck was so fat, he was probably baptized in gravy! And his penis is so small, you could circumcise him with a plastic knife and not have enough penis left to create a trans-vagina out of it.

In spite of being a total failure at everything for which he blamed everybody but himself, his lifelong dream was to play the piano, but his fingers were too fat from constantly stuffing his face full of Doritos he washed down with Mountain Dew, so he could never play fewer than three keys at any given time. And he was so bad at it, it took him an hour to play the minute waltz! And being white and a great big fat fuck, he had so little sense of rhythm, he played it in 5/4 time! His constant snacking on junk made the family so poor, his mother had to turn tricks just to be able to afford the piano, and she had to sleep with a piano tuner just to afford to keep the piano in tune! Not like her tone-deaf ass would know the difference anyway.

He could never understand why women didn’t want him, even though he made no effort to do anything about his extreme morbid obesity or his grossly disgusting personal hygiene. One time, a girl pretended to be interested in him, but she was underage, and she was actually Chris Hansen engaging in the act of entrapment on behalf of the producers of To Catch a Predator, so he got caught. Before he could face accountability, he hanged himself in solitary confinement with the piece of piano wire he managed to smuggle in his fat folds. And believe it or not, the piano wire didn’t break until after he was already dead. When it snapped and his gargantuan, lifeless body hit the ground, it made a noise that reverberated throughout the prison walls and could be heard within a radius of 15 miles from the jail in any direction. For years after it, locals referred to it as “the plop heard round the world.”

Since everybody was glad that he killed himself, nobody bothered with a funeral because nobody was actually in mourning, so the prison just ground up his body and made it into sloppy joes. None of the other prisoners could tell the difference between that and the sub-Taco Bell-quality horse meat mixed with rat crap they were usually being served. Since his father hadn’t been seen since he went to the liquor store to buy a can of Schlitz malt liquor and a pack of Newport cigarettes, his mother, who was almost as fat as he was, used the funeral money earned from prostituting herself to black men to take a Carnival cruise to South America. She was so fat, the ship did not even get into international waters before it sank. And the sharks got fat.

The story was written with 0% AI and 100% genuine authentic stupidity.

THE END

I only ban spammers and insulting spammers. If you are not mentally impaired (but you are), it's not hard to understand.