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The Bible allows for additional wives. This is your best solution. Get a few before deciding on your favorite.

Most "pastors" are full of crap and give advice more based on popular culture than the scriptures and with at least a subconscious restraint of recognizing that these days church seats are mostly filled with women and women are the number one reason a family chooses to leave a church. Notice how even hard preaching pastors will come down hard on men during sermons but walk delicately when talking about women? And when they do they will almost always somehow imply or directly say that the things women do wrong are because of weak men? Because they know if they talk directly about women without giving them someone else to blame a large percentages of them won't come back and that means their husband's offering money won't come back.

Jesus did say: "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery" But he also made sure there was a recipe for dealing with wives.

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."

"husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel"

Stick with me and you'll understand at least some of that recipe.

First is that you just gotta realize she's a female (weaker vessel) and very few of her thoughts or words will ever matter. It's like getting mad at a toddler.

I know from personal experience how hard that can be to actually do in practice. But you can train her to respect you and the first step is not being affected by anything she does.

Never ever let her get a rise out of you. Be neutral when she's being shitty and be kind when she is not. Give her attention when she's being good and don't when she's being bad. Just like an attention-seeking toddler. But mainly be neutral when she is shitty. And be neutral and calmly assertive when other problems arise. Never let her see you fret, panic, worry, get sad, no signs of weakness. And anger is reserved for righteous anger which, if you're not sure, it isn't.

Drama whores hate apathy because it doesn't reward their rage-baiting. So she'll probably start escalating. If she's the type to destroy your important shit like old photos, take them to a trusted friend's house or rent a storage locker on a card she doesn't have access to.

In time, you can usually train them to become decent women but if not the apathy will push her away. So keep in mind the scriptures also say that if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever leaves, let them go. "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." But that's not the ideal.

The main analogy the Bible gives over and over regarding marriages is that as we are the "Bride of Christ" so our wives are unto us. Think about the difference between you and Christ and then think about what it's like for Him loving and helping us improve and be that for her as best you can.

That's what fixes hopeless marriages.

I worked with a good looking woman that continuously bad mouthed her husband.

When they finally divorced a mutual friend let me know that the woman was interested in me.

I told her I wasn't interested. When she asked why not I said that I saw how she disrespected her former husband.

The mutual friends husband exclaimed "damn! You don't play"

I love how Biblical slavery is out. Tattoo prohibitions are out. Stoning heretics is out.

But the rules surrounding marriage are still in.

Dude, if you are unhappy, and if you've made the effort (I mean legitimate effort to see this through), and you're either getting nowhere or being actively opposed by your wife, then you need to see yourself out of it as defensively as possible.

You need an authentic encounter with yourself, not you as seen through the projected stance of others. I am just going to assume you have children (you can correct me if I am wrong). Is the level of unhappiness you feel toward your marriage having an impact on the kids or not? If not, then I would encourage you to consider that the greater good might be sticking it out to give the children the most coherent and wholesome upbringing they can have. If, however, the relationship is so toxic that it's spreading its sickness to the whole household, then it could easily be making matters worse.

Men and women acted differently when they thought they might be stoned to death by the community for transgressions. We live in a different world. Men and women behave differently. It's an unfortunate fact that hardly anyone seems to grasp about male-female psychology that, once she has lost respect for you, it's gone. It's gone and she will never be able to be brought back into a healthy relationship with you again.

There are a lot of considerations. Sorry to hear you're going through it. If it's only you being sacrificed, then endure for your kids. No, it isn't fair. If it's making everyone's lives worse, get out of it as cleanly as possible.

You are not going to hell for getting a divorce, ffs. The creator of the universe is not a TMZ journalist.

Fuck the bible. Really? You're going to stay with some broad who makes you miserable because some chodes told you to? Fuck obedience.

Genesis 3:16 KJV
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Be a man and lay down the law, gently. Enough of this new age bullshit touch-feely talking. You have wants and needs. So does she. Sort it out with the understanding that failure to do so will result in the end of your marriage.

Any other approach will end up in a unfair compromise with will cause one or the other to carry resentment.

Hop a freight train West, say goodbye to everything

So your "pastor" did exactly as one would expect of a christcuck: ask you to turn the other cheek. Sure, your wife is an asshole, but turn the other cheek.

Sure, she'll continue abusing you, but turn the other cheek.

Sure, she'll take half of your shit (if not more, due to alimony), but turn the other cheek.

Sure, you'll end up homeless and without friends, but turn the other cheek.

The solution here is not to try and fix an unfixable problem. Leave the problem.

But you know what you can do before that? Fucking man up and stop asking christcucks how to fix your problems. Figure out the solutions for yourself, because only you know what will work.

Just get the divorce and move on. If she doesn’t act like a Christian then the marriage deal is off.

Are there kids in the picture or not?

Have you asked Jebus?

Matthew 19:9 is a complex verse. I see it as having 2 components required to consider divorce without infidelity as adultry.

1. Divorce without infidelity.
PLUS
2. Marrying another.

So if one divorces their wife, but does not remarry, adultry would not seem to fit.

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Sometimes, I wonder if the tried and true method applied by Catholics throughout history would work here? Just stop being married. Go get an apartment, move your stuff there. Change your bank deposits to your own account and start living your life.

Thats funny.

What did he recommend you do instead?

The Catholic perspective does not permit remarrying, but does allow for divorce (civil dissolve of the union only) if there is serious mental danger or serious difficulty created by the situation.

"Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay."

If you just gave her time and space to fuck around, might she follow through?

You talk like a woman.
No wonder she doesn't respect you.

The problem is that you have a pastor who... nay, that you have a pastor. Wrong kind of church. Where in your Bible does it say that any man is the boss over your personal life?

Your mistake is that you are pastor-centered instead of God-centered. You take shit from an ungrateful wife and turn to a bully pastor. You are doomed.

Disloyalty is grounds for me