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1

I’m not a doctor, but

submitted by Deplorablepoetry to whatever 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 11:26:44 ago (+3/-2)     (whatever)

So I woke up this morning with something fucked on my arm…., kept scratching and scratching and scratching it’s no wonder it started bleeding

Tried pissing on my arm but that didn’t seem to remedy……, still bleeding and I smell of urine

Am I doing this right?


24 comments block

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[ - ] ProudRebel 6 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 11:33:07 ago (+6/-0)

Piss on it again. You know, like a booster.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 11:41:38 ago (+2/-0)

Okay…., brb……,

Damn damn double damn!

Now my nipples hurt like a motherfucker….,I’m not understanding the prescription or something…, how many aspirin does it take to …..,,wait…

[ - ] MuricaPersonified 3 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:35:50 ago (+3/-0)

You're supposed to eat 1/2lb of asparagus first.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 3 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:39:23 ago (+3/-0)

Half pound? I like asparagus but a half pound? My pee will be toxic from the smell…….., okay, boiling water…, or should they be fried?

[ - ] MuricaPersonified 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:41:29 ago (+2/-0)

Fried in butter until crispy.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:50:09 ago (+2/-0)

….just like my hookers….mmmm, yummy…NOW WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING ARM?

..I don’t even believe you are a physician…., proctologist maybe…, can you please show credentials

[ - ] 2Drunk 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:11:07 ago (+2/-0)

Ma'am, your dick might be defective. Best to cut that thing off.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:12:31 ago (+0/-0)

Too late…, already donated my penis to charity…., itching is something fierce

[ - ] con77 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 15:18:48 ago (+2/-0)

You forgot to rub dirt on it

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:18:31 ago (+0/-0)

I knew you would suggest that so that’s why I sat down in my bathtub and pooped

Now there are two turds in my tub

Inspired, I’m writing a song ‘’TWO TURDS IN MY TUB” …, Gloria Estefan just jumped in…., she looks great for someone dead for so long…

..she’s trying to eat my arm…., not sure this is gonna work

[ - ] deleted 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 15:03:20 ago (+2/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:19:28 ago (+0/-0)

I have more where that one came from….

[ - ] deleted 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:41:34 ago (+2/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 14:42:14 ago (+0/-0)

This isn’t helping…., someone should check your medical license…., you are not really a doctor….., now what do I do with these other dozen pine cones?

[ - ] iSnark 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:18:05 ago (+2/-0)

Dollar store, Bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide, $1 plus tax...

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:26:54 ago (+2/-0)

Interesting reaction with hydrogen peroxide and crazy glue…., is my arm supposed to be on fire?

..is it peroxide first or crazy glue?

…toilet cleaner tastes pretty good but I don’t think it’s helping my arm much

[ - ] AugustineOfHippo2 2 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 11:58:59 ago (+2/-0)

I think you are using the wrong bodily excretion.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 3 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 12:01:53 ago (+3/-0)

Snot? Okay…, I’ll try some snot….., ohhh that’s messy……., feels good though….thanks!

[ - ] Hobama 1 point 4 monthsDec 26, 2023 00:18:35 ago (+1/-0)

Try the hindu way and rub shit on it.

[ - ] Smedleys_Butler 1 point 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:22:13 ago (+1/-0)

You gotta mix ammonia and bleach

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:28:20 ago (+0/-0)

Oh! That’s a good plan!…, couldn’t hurt right?

[ - ] Smedleys_Butler 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 16:35:52 ago (+0/-0)

Negative

[ - ] Nerva 1 point 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 14:23:54 ago (+1/-0)

Clean and dry the area well. Next, apply granulated sugar and keep it in place with gauze or a band aide; change and repeat as needed. It sounds crazy, but it works well enough and as an added bonus you won't smell like pee.

[ - ] Deplorablepoetry [op] 0 points 4 monthsDec 25, 2023 14:37:01 ago (+0/-0)

..clean and dry…..uhm suger and a dog….no no no …no that’s not right…. I looked, I don’t even own a dog or glycerin…., I guess the neighbors cat will have to do…..brb

THAT ONLY MADE THINGS WORSE!…., stupid cat.., it’s like claws and teeth and claws and teeth…. .fuckthis I’m gonna boil a rabbit….., bing a potato or three, we can have lunch