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White knuckling
Frozen in bed
Like the deer and I's staring contest
Last I drank in the woods
Wires like vines grow over me
Smell of onion or vinegar
In the parts neglected
Even a Marine bath
Teeth fuzzy like moss
Entropy - waiting for nature to reclaim me
In the mysteries of her immortal processes

Days spent longing for darkness
If this mattress could sail
To the eternal comfort of Alaska

Waves of memories
Some chaos some calm
Flood my senses
Piecing together
What feels like parallel lives
As the years catch up to me

Guess I always felt old
Or wanted to be
Still some youthful look
Besides a few stray greys

The last of us born
Before this Sci Fi world
I couldn't wait for
- Now it scares the hell out of me
And what it holds for those who will inherit
The things and things to come
We take for granted each day

Why should jealousy, wrath and envy
In this state hold me
When I know
I've already held myself back

I've snowballed into this situation
Now to find a place to melt
As I've said before
I'll climb out of this mess
As I always do

Smedley Ex Machina
You may become
my only offspring

*Started before rehab