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I feel lost and am having trouble finding purpose after this year

submitted by Bottled_Tears to TellTalk 4 monthsDec 23, 2023 02:54:48 ago (+13/-1)     (TellTalk)

I was diagnosed with cancer right before age 33. It was discovered early, so it didn't spread. I have had it removed and am back to my life in some ways. But there are an infinite amount of thoughts going through my mind. I don't know whether to care anymore or keep doing well like I was beforehand.

It was just so shocking to me because I am the ONLY one in my family that didn't take the vaccine and I'm the only one that was closest to death since the situation.

I was going hard and I mean HARD on my stride of success. I am in a promising engineering career (I started late, but picking up faster than college grads) and started doing high-end serving part time to fast track retirement by age 50 and have a house sooner than too late. I had been making all my meals after vitamins, went to the gym 3-5 times a week, looked at going back to school, took a break from dating to focus on all this then bam. Suddenly cancer.

I had amazing support and tons of friend support but I know half who messaged me (I didn't make an entire FB post about my status like some psychos do) were hoping it was an exciting story from stabbing and a few of them were like oh crazy when I said no, it was cancer.

I got cancer this early in my life for no reason besides genetics and I am unsure what to do with my time knowing I could have 5 years or I could see the end further than others. Statistically, I won't make it to the end. I wanted to do so much and now I don't have the time to do it. I wanted to make enough money to retire early and direct/write these films I've been holding on to for years. I want to start a business. Just thought after thought keeps being stumped by my inner saying "Hey whoa there buddy, you won't make it maybe just relax".

On top of having a purpose, nobody is going to want to start a family with me anymore either. I don't blame them. Women are so fucking picky today, they don't want someone with the chance of death let alone the chance of passing it down so I haven't even been telling women I meet.


19 comments block

I had an ulcer under my tongue that just got worse and worse. Went to my dentist and he got everything done quicker than the hospital could.