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i cant bring it in me to ever forgive my mother in law

submitted by deleted to Rants 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 12:32:59 ago (+31/-1)     (Rants)

deleted


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[ - ] dingbat 14 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 13:24:16 ago (+15/-1)

Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear this, OP. I can’t believe I’m giving this advice as a woman, but after reading through your post a couple times, I think it first comes down to controlling your wife. It kinda sounds like she’s still stuck in a codependency with her parents. She should be loyal to you first and I personally don’t like that she aired your VERY PERSONAL, dirty laundry to her yenta mom while fully knowing how her mother is. Not cool. Sounds like some major boundary setting needs to be made with you and your wife first. Once that happens, I think with time things will settle down between you and the in-laws because your wife needs to take care of shit with her family, not you. And I don’t blame you for having the feelings you do about your wife whatsoever. Get her in line ASAP.

[ - ] dassar 7 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:40:21 ago (+7/-0)

Yea, totes concur.
My first thought was - how did she know all this ?.

An asshole might suggest to get the mother-in-law a holo-cov vax booster gift card appointment at the closest CVS Pharmacy.

Anyways Peace and blessings man.

[ - ] BlueEyedAngloMasterRaceGod 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 19:21:39 ago (+2/-1)

ugh

[ - ] HeyJames 11 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 12:59:28 ago (+11/-0)

I don't talk to people I don't like. Makes life easier.

[ - ] dassar 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:41:37 ago (+2/-0)

'Shuddup, you're not my Dad'.

[ - ] 2Drunk 4 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:35:12 ago (+4/-0)

Well not with that attitude.

[ - ] deleted 9 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 13:45:31 ago (+10/-1)*

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[ - ] Belfuro 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 19:14:05 ago (+2/-0)

As a Christian he is head of his household so must tell her that her parents are excluded from the family.

[ - ] WNwoman 9 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 12:37:11 ago (+9/-0)

Wow. She has overstepped her boundaries in a big way. What does your wife think about her behavior? I’d start with addressing that first. Tell your wife that as a consequence for the mil’s actions you will no longer be in contact with the inlaws and if they ask your wife anything about you or your family she needs to tell them it’s not up for discussion. She does not need to be relating any info about you at all.

Do you have kids?

[ - ] deleted 5 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 12:40:15 ago (+5/-0)

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[ - ] Sector2 7 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 13:44:08 ago (+7/-0)*

It's a major problem when your wife isn't on your side, and acts against you. Will she stop having contact with them, or will you have to distance yourself from her too?

Also realize you probably picked this wife in particular due to the former abuse. Hope you do whatever needed to avoid a miserable life.

[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 19, 2023 09:25:51 ago (+0/-0)

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[ - ] FacelessOne 6 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 13:32:32 ago (+6/-0)

I literally told you not to engage with her last post bro.

Should have listened to FacelessOne Wisdom.

[ - ] deleted 6 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 12:58:34 ago (+6/-0)

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[ - ] dassar 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:42:59 ago (+3/-0)

'And then slam the door in her face'

[ - ] Thought_Criminal 5 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 13:37:03 ago (+5/-0)

Mominlaw outed herself for you, saving you years of shit by revealing that she sides with your abusers.

Seems you've been holding on to/trapped by something that is not real. You want parents to love, but from what I read you don't have any- just some nightmare baggage. You cling to the criminal abusers like Stockholm syndrome, imagining and dreaming they are your family.

Forgiveness: I forgive you, goodbye, have a nice life.

No one gets through childhood abuse unscathed, you are fucked up and weird because of it, and that fucking bitch cunt Mominlaw should give you all the coddling and extra treatment of any of the fucking "specials" that everyone is expected to subjugate to.

[ - ] TheNoticing 4 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:43:54 ago (+4/-0)

Having narcissists as parents warps our perception of reality. I think and believe that I'm worthless, and constantly harken back to when I was younger and was more physically capable of things.

[ - ] Sector2 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 18:02:04 ago (+1/-0)

I think and believe that I'm worthless

If this is true, change that belief, even if you think you have proof. The NLP 'belief change' process might help, or maybe there's another modality that does the same thing. Holding onto a belief like that is going to negatively affect your decision making process. (and lead to poor outcomes)

[ - ] Hall_of_Cost 4 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:18:02 ago (+4/-0)

Sorry to hear that my goat.

I think you need to address this with your wife. This is different than my experience with shitty inlaws, but they did help tip the scale toward me leaving.

Communicate with your wife why a unified front is essential and you will always have her back and while not always necessary, in cases with her family you need her support.
You need your wife to mediate/communicate on your behalf.
I hope things get better for you bro.

[ - ] ImplicationOverReason 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:55:56 ago (+3/-0)

I come from a very abusive family

Which makes you the damaged goods and a massive liability for perpetuated abuse.

I don't want anything to do with them (your parents)

That's an unresolved issue within you...no matter what others did to you.

I must be hiding something

Ask yourself what you still hold onto...resentment; revenge; guilt; shame; blame etc.?

I feel like i*m no longer attracted to my wife

This implies you permitting others to destroy your life, which is your issue...not theirs.

Whatever others did to you didn't destroy you...you destroy yourself by holding onto shit instead of growing from the loss experienced.

she went OUT OF HER WAY...

...to protect her child. Your wife...from a situation both seem to be concerned about.


[ - ] Sector2 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 18:20:38 ago (+1/-0)

Good to see you making a comment in English!

Regarding your last point, it's hard to say from this whether OPs judgement is still sound after all that abuse, or if he chose this relationship because the MIL/daughter were also warped.

If OP is crazy, then the MIL has justifiable concerns. If she's the nutcase siding with his manipulative abusers, then OP should probably limit contact for both him and his wife.

[ - ] TheNoticing 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:39:13 ago (+3/-0)

They're narcissists, cast them out of your life.

[ - ] OftenWrong 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:33:09 ago (+3/-0)

She is christian in name only and trying to use a psuedo christianity to manipulate. 1 timothy 2:11-12. Mathew 10:9-14. Bible says shake your dust off your sandals and turn your back

[ - ] ModernGuilt 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:30:57 ago (+4/-1)

Start beating them, they will only understand violence

[ - ] 2Drunk 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:38:55 ago (+2/-0)

Did you just call OP's family niggers?

[ - ] ModernGuilt -1 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 16:14:02 ago (+1/-2)

No. They are women and require the same treatment

[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:48:33 ago (+1/-1)

^

[ - ] RobertJHarsh 3 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 14:30:56 ago (+3/-0)

I can relate to OP. I can count on ONE HAND the number of people with my last name I give a shit about.

[ - ] Belfuro 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 19:14:45 ago (+2/-0)

I cannot forgive my mother, I feel ya

[ - ] NoRefunds 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 18:33:32 ago (+2/-0)

Sucks dude just cut her off, there's nothing wrong with that

[ - ] DeathTsunami 2 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 16:09:06 ago (+2/-0)

Sorry, but fuck your wife.

[ - ] AugustineOfHippo2 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 17:24:56 ago (+1/-0)

Turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, love your neighbor, etc.

These are not unconditional. You are dealing with irrational behavior, and there is no sin in protecting yourself. God wants us to be kind and forgiving people, but not doormats to be trod upon. Revenge belongs to God, but we can certainly protect and defend ourselves from others. If you confront the MIL and she refuses to amend her ways, you are perfectly within your right to shun her and cut off all contact. Your wife is in a tough predicament, as she is being told to choose between her mom and her husband, but again you are within your rights to (kindly and gently) let her know what her mom has done and expect her to cut off contact as well.

[ - ] Master_Foo 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 15:08:43 ago (+3/-2)

Whenever someone says,
"I'm a Christian, but..."
It's time to reevaluate your slave morality.

Maybe try White Nationalist Paganism on for a bit.
We don't have these kinds of problems.

[ - ] TheYiddler 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 16:28:51 ago (+2/-1)

Not this time. Family ties are tough to wrangle. They will be tough regardless of the spirituality involved.

[ - ] Master_Foo 1 point 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 17:10:19 ago (+2/-1)

Family ties are only tough to Wrangle because Jew worship makes things difficult.
It's pretty simple. Parents don't care about their own legacy, which is OP and his waifu.
At that point, OP and waifu says, "get your priorities straight or we aren't coming over for Christmas".
Instead, OP is stuck trying to square his problem with being a "good Christ-Cuck", which will only trap him in an abusive relationship with parents.

[ - ] RIGGED_ELECTION 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 19, 2023 06:09:02 ago (+0/-0)

I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out any way I could possibly forgive some people as part of the process of healing myself. I have concluded that it is not possible. No amount of rationalizing, psychedelic transcendence, MDMA talk therapy, religious prayer or contemplation has allowed me to get over my literal bloodlust, homicidal ideation, and deep PTSDesque fight or flight response in regards to the issue in question.

Forgiveness is for God, not me.

[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 20:41:23 ago (+0/-0)

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[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.4 yearsDec 19, 2023 09:42:47 ago (+0/-0)

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[ - ] NukeAmerica -1 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 17:43:25 ago (+0/-1)

Looks like you got a bad case of pussycarditis, seems like many here got it. Man the fuck up and tell that butch what you think of her and threaten her if she keeps that shit up. And then call the police for theft.

[ - ] Sleazy -1 points 1.4 yearsDec 18, 2023 17:13:36 ago (+0/-1)

let the past be, in the past