To be perfectly honest, I suck at relationships and I suck at maintaining them. I've realized that if someone says or does something hurtful or steps on a trigger spot one too many times, I have a very very difficult time actually confronting that person to set a boundary and/or wanting to keep the relationship. I have a habit of just slowing down communication, withdrawing, and eventually cutting people off. I realize this isn't healthy. And from their point of view, I can see how it's hurtful and confusing. I realize that it's on me to state and set boundaries, and actually communicate with people. Just the prospect of that is one of the things that causes so much stress. I'm working on it. Does anyone else do this, just cut people out?
It depends on your age. After around 20, you're an adult and should be focused on your own family; getting one or feeding the one you have.
The world has always had lots of unmarried aunts and uncles who lived their lives single. They had jobs or careers and a friend or two, but mostly attached themselves to one or two sibling's family's.
Children are collective minded. Some grow out of it around ten, the rest by their early twenties. Communists of course are developmentally retarded and don't grow out of it
Haven't had a friend in... 6 years or so. Only people I talk to are my boss, my immediate family, or someone I know if I happen to bump into them at a game or in the store.
The idea of a friend, or friends, sounds exhausting. And a girlfriend? Well, think of the withered wojack meme and apply that. Because that's basically where I'm at.
I do have a habit of pretty much completely withdrawing, but I do not cut them off (I guess). I still maintain contact information, I just don't contact them... Maybe that is virtually cutting them off. But they haven't contacted me either.
I don't know, maybe they just feel the same way about me. I don't see that so much as a problem to be honest. I have a very small number of friends and I don't /haven't had a problem with that yet.
EDIT: The only person that comes to mind that I have actually cut off, cut himself off by getting an attempted murder rap, so there wasn't much I needed to do there.
If you have to ask them to change their behavior the change is not genuine and their intentions could never fully b trusted from that point on.
But I am curious. Is verbally setting boundaries a real life thing? Doesn't the person get upset and then stop talking to you afterwards? Which is what the original boundaries conversation was supposed to prevent?
Not really a pattern- more like unfortunate happenstance. My core group that I've known for a little over 20yrs has stayed together through thick and thin, and all but one are fairly well redpilled and JQ aware. The other is a loveable idiot.
Now the people I've known for 30yrs+ have been falling off my radar like flies... through deaths, unreconcilable ideological difference, or simply just going separate ways.
Two of my closest early childhood friends were these two brilliant brothers who made retarded decisions. One threw everythijg away to become an oxy addict, and blew nearly $100,000 of his girlfriend's inheritance on rehab. He supposedly cleaned up his act, and we all went on vacation. He disappeared for a while, and we found him on the beach strung out of his mind. I went ballistic and kicked his ass. His brother (a lead mechanical engineer for an OEM auto parts manufacturer) pulled me off him and drove me home. That was over ten years ago. Stayed in touch with the older brother until recently. He married a kike, and I didn't mince words on how I felt about it. That friendship is toast.
Many of my other friends of just kinda went separate ways, but the core group is forever.
[ + ] yesiknow
[ - ] yesiknow 3 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 03:40:56 ago (+3/-0)
The world has always had lots of unmarried aunts and uncles who lived their lives single. They had jobs or careers and a friend or two, but mostly attached themselves to one or two sibling's family's.
Children are collective minded. Some grow out of it around ten, the rest by their early twenties. Communists of course are developmentally retarded and don't grow out of it
[ + ] PhantomXLII
[ - ] PhantomXLII 2 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 02:15:01 ago (+2/-0)
Haven't had a friend in... 6 years or so. Only people I talk to are my boss, my immediate family, or someone I know if I happen to bump into them at a game or in the store.
The idea of a friend, or friends, sounds exhausting. And a girlfriend? Well, think of the withered wojack meme and apply that. Because that's basically where I'm at.
[ + ] alacrity167
[ - ] alacrity167 [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 02:39:07 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Love240
[ - ] Love240 2 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 01:48:39 ago (+2/-0)
I don't know, maybe they just feel the same way about me. I don't see that so much as a problem to be honest. I have a very small number of friends and I don't /haven't had a problem with that yet.
EDIT: The only person that comes to mind that I have actually cut off, cut himself off by getting an attempted murder rap, so there wasn't much I needed to do there.
[ + ]deleted
[ - ] deleted 2 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 01:15:29 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Gowithit
[ - ] Gowithit 1 point 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 01:27:55 ago (+1/-0)
but had no problem hurting or confusing another person with their behavior or actions. Which is what prompts the disengaging from them.
Thats weird. Do those things actually have to be said out loud?
[ + ] alacrity167
[ - ] alacrity167 [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 02:41:41 ago (+1/-0)
Exactly.
Also I am worried that if I tell them to change their behaviour they will only use it to manipulate me better
[ + ] Gowithit
[ - ] Gowithit 2 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 02:53:50 ago (+2/-0)
But I am curious. Is verbally setting boundaries a real life thing? Doesn't the person get upset and then stop talking to you afterwards? Which is what the original boundaries conversation was supposed to prevent?
[ + ] Wolfspider
[ - ] Wolfspider 0 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 10:08:42 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] AngryWhiteKeyboardWarrior
[ - ] AngryWhiteKeyboardWarrior 0 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 06:01:27 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] MuricaPersonified
[ - ] MuricaPersonified 0 points 7 monthsOct 9, 2023 05:38:56 ago (+0/-0)*
Now the people I've known for 30yrs+ have been falling off my radar like flies... through deaths, unreconcilable ideological difference, or simply just going separate ways.
Two of my closest early childhood friends were these two brilliant brothers who made retarded decisions. One threw everythijg away to become an oxy addict, and blew nearly $100,000 of his girlfriend's inheritance on rehab. He supposedly cleaned up his act, and we all went on vacation. He disappeared for a while, and we found him on the beach strung out of his mind. I went ballistic and kicked his ass. His brother (a lead mechanical engineer for an OEM auto parts manufacturer) pulled me off him and drove me home. That was over ten years ago. Stayed in touch with the older brother until recently. He married a kike, and I didn't mince words on how I felt about it. That friendship is toast.
Many of my other friends of just kinda went separate ways, but the core group is forever.