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It is you.

Missed you, man.

If cats could talk they'd do nothing but insult their owners and their owners would still take it. They're giant murdering assholes and deserve death. RiP to the dozens of species of bird, owl, and amphibian they have extincted because dumb fucks (mostly women) have been taken over by toxoplasmosis.

Cats also make terrible intruder alarms and terrible judges of character. I'd never trust anyone who dogs don't like. But cats will try and get gibs out of literally anyone.