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Movie Pitch: CARS – DragRace

submitted by Zinnsee to whatever 1 yearMay 8, 2023 13:48:43 ago (+10/-0)     (whatever)

This takes place in Disneys CARS universe.

At the ¼ Mile drag strip. The slowest car of the top fuel class is the main villain, a sore looser with an ugly black paintjob. Gets laughed at for being so slow and useless.
At the next race shows up with a badly mounted Porsche hull instead of his former body. Identifies as a street car now, demands to be put in street car stick shift class.

Top performer in said street car class is a Porsche girl. She‘s furious that the judges even consider letting the villain change into her class. Says it’s ridiculous, he doesn’t even have a manual gearbox. Everybody tells her not to be trans-phobic. Says the races will not be the same if he can compete with street cars. Gets told not to be race-ist. Says that black car will ruin everything. Villain responds with, so it’s just because I’m black, huh! She tries to reason and points at the difference in weight of the cars, gets told to stop fat-shaming.

Meanwhile little Timmy one day comes home from school and identifies as an EV now. Gets his tailpipe removed with an Axe from a surgeon. Surgeon isn’t even a car, but a bike. A bike with a rather long rounded front fender. The exhaust now makes horrible, embarrassing sounds. Little Timmy is mortified, realizes he will never be a true EV. Surgeon makes an axe wound to Timmys C-pillar so he can plug in the Charging cable. Timmys new charging port begins to rust and smells bad. He also has to dilate it every day.

Bonus joke: A race car fills out the form to enter the race. “Make and Model? N” everyone looks up “I” everyone gasps “double…” he gets interupted and shouted at. He looks up confused and says “what’s wrong with being a Nissan”


15 comments block


[ - ] pickingrinninspittin 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 17:11:07 ago (+1/-0)

Though it's worthwhile mentioning that any time I see a Nissan on the road chances are that a nigger's driving it.

[ - ] x0x7 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 18:15:02 ago (+1/-0)

That's because nissan offered direct from manufacturer financing that would over look any credit score.

I once on a road trip tried to sleep in a nissan. I swear they do that crap they do with homeless people to make it so you can't sleep just so no one can live out of their car. Having tried that thing is engineered that way (versa). I guess maybe since they were functioning as a creditor as well they were worried someone would lose a job, get evicted from their apartment, the car would be the next thing to be collected and they were worried people would dip, trashing it as they live in it.

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 18:57:20 ago (+0/-0)

That's why I like wagons, easy to fold down the seats and sleep in the back when camping or whatever. And it keeps the dogs safe during inclement weather, as well as other stuff like expensive mountain bikes.

[ - ] usedoilanalysis 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 15:57:39 ago (+1/-0)

Oh and make sure the villain is a tube frame chassis trying to pass off as a unibody.

[ - ] Zinnsee [op] 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 15:58:32 ago (+1/-0)

that's exactly what I had in mind. Like he wears the Porsche shell almost like a silly little hat xD

[ - ] Thyhorrorcosmic103 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 15:43:09 ago (+1/-0)

Better copyright that shit. You'll be rich in about 2 years.

[ - ] Zinnsee [op] 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 16:01:02 ago (+1/-0)

either that or in prison

[ - ] pickingrinninspittin 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 17:02:02 ago (+0/-0)

Better prison than cancelled.

[ - ] DonaldJTrump 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 14:30:58 ago (+1/-0)

Top kek. Considering the first movie starred a feminine Porsche that would be great. The third one is literally about white male replacement with spic females. Shit you not. Absolute garbage. It's a shame since the first one is kinda cute and the boys love it.

[ - ] Zinnsee [op] 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 14:51:14 ago (+0/-0)

I only ever saw the first one.

[ - ] DonaldJTrump 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 15:29:09 ago (+0/-0)

You haven't missed anything. The shorts are fun though, if you can find them. About a dozen of those they made right after the first movie.

[ - ] deleted 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 15:37:00 ago (+0/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Peleg 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 14:28:16 ago (+1/-0)

Hahahaha.
That's so funny.

"Top performer in said street car class is a beautiful brilliant White Porsche girl."

There! Fixed it.

[ - ] Zinnsee [op] 1 point 1 yearMay 8, 2023 14:50:30 ago (+1/-0)

perfect xD

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 0 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 18:58:14 ago (+0/-0)

Timmy leaks oil from his axe-wound from time to time. Bad oil, that's been mixed with other crap and left to grow stuff.

[ - ] EAT_MY_ASS_FUCKFACE -1 points 1 yearMay 8, 2023 21:11:52 ago (+0/-1)

looser. You are fucking retarded, stop posting shit.