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Hey men, how do you minimize pee splatter without sitting down to pee like a girl?

submitted by Lovemachine to AskUpgoat 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:29:07 ago (+10/-3)     (AskUpgoat)

I think pee splatter is something we can all agree is a problem.

Every time I pee barefoot I'm like, God fucking dammit. You know? And then I go sit on my couch with those feet? WTF. Not one human with a penis has solved the pee splatter problem? It's too bad only men are good at inventing things.


62 comments block

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[ - ] FreeinTX 10 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:50:55 ago (+10/-0)

Pee in the sink.

[ - ] SumerBreeze 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 19:36:37 ago (+2/-0)

Bathtub is a wider target.

[ - ] FreeinTX 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 21:16:04 ago (+1/-0)

Sink is waist high and easier to wash out.

[ - ] xmasskull 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 13, 2023 23:56:25 ago (+0/-0)

Piss outside,dawg!

[ - ] Sector7 8 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:44:06 ago (+8/-0)

Do you stand to read or browse your phone? Fearing to sit while urinating because that might 'make you a girl' is a revelation of a self-image I'd probably not want to share.

But okay, if just hanging it over the side of the bowl isn't an option, pee into a section of 3" PVC pipe as a 'lengthener', and no more splashing.

Do they make some kind paper that's sensitive to pee? The splashers might be interested to tape it around the top of the bowl to see the distribution pattern of the flying urine droplets.

[ - ] ghetto_shitlord 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:26:13 ago (+0/-0)

This reminds me of those posts, "Fellas is it gay to <normal life thing>?" Like wash your ass for example.

[ - ] PostWallHelena 7 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:42:30 ago (+8/-1)

Sit down like a girl. You know you want to. Its so relaxing. Take a load off.

[ - ] Gowithit 3 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:45:14 ago (+3/-0)

Hahaha it made more of a mess.

For some reason my son sometimes sits like spider man on the toilet and I tell him to sit and then it just goes everywhere.

Potty chairs have a pee guard for this reason but not real toilets.

[ - ] PostWallHelena 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:17:56 ago (+2/-0)

Try the Worltra invented by Koreans (almost as good as Japanese!)

https://www.amazon.com/Worltra-Device-Splash-Toilet-Lavatory/dp/B073YKS2Y7

I mean, you know, you son should try it.

I mean hey, try it yourself if you want Im not a control freak or anything.

Ok I am a control freak. But that has nothing to do with this. Good luck with spiderman.

[ - ] Gowithit 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:37:06 ago (+1/-0)

[ - ] Sector7 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:08:24 ago (+0/-0)

Shit, if I click that link it will be in my 'interested in' list forever.

$86.93 at sears. Yikes, my PVC pipe suggestion should be under $10.

Thousands of tiny urine droplets can splash back on the floor, ...

Exactly.

[ - ] lord_nougat 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:51:05 ago (+0/-0)

He's just being an impossible brat on purpose.

[ - ] Gowithit 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:52:21 ago (+1/-0)

I bet his dad puts him up to it.

[ - ] NaturalSelectionistWorker 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:18:59 ago (+1/-0)

Next time your man has to pee, go in with him and hold his dick so you can see how it aims. That'll help you figure out what your son is going through without having to awkwardly hold the penis of a man you're not married to.

[ - ] bobdole9 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 17:53:52 ago (+0/-0)

Its the shape of the bowl (standard vs elongated) plus general angle of the plumbing. If you sit and want to ensure success, got to point yourself down.

[ - ] GrayDragon 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:14:07 ago (+0/-0)*

I only stand up when there is a urinal. Drunk. At the bar. Feelin' mellow. I still get 100% in.

E: Forgot, outside, I just stand and piss on everything, intentionally. The world is my oyster.

[ - ] Vrbllpollushin 6 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:19:19 ago (+6/-0)

Grow more penis.

[ - ] Glowbright 4 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:37:03 ago (+4/-0)

Did OP just admit that he is not fully potty trained?

[ - ] ReincarnatedGoat 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 19:37:44 ago (+0/-0)

Glow it's comments like that, that make the internet go round. Lols

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 4 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:58:51 ago (+7/-3)

I really don't give a shit about splatter, my wife cleans the toilet.

[ - ] pickingrinninspittin 3 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:10:06 ago (+3/-0)

If you stand you're gonna splatter, there's no two ways about it.

Interestingly either you're aware of this or you are completely oblivious to the fact that not only does urine splatter around the bowl and surrounding area but that you will occasionally but invariably dribble some on the floor and leave little piss puddles at the base of the toilet. This is why I hate carpeted bathrooms, or those little mats the women love to put on the floor so that their feet don't get cold when they sit.

I had my first place when I was like 17. I like to keep things clean, always have, but I also hate cleaning so i quickly figured out that if I sit to pee then I don't need to scrub the toilet nearly as often. So sit it is. I've also heard that the bladder drains more completely but i don't know how true it is.

Unlike fecal matter, pee is not usually a carrier of disease. So some pee sloshed around is, generally, nothing worse than the lingering stench. And that's why we endlessly clever and industrious males haven't invented a solution to pee splatter yet: It's not that great of a problem. And if it bothers really bothers you you can sit.

[ - ] Reawakened 3 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:46:50 ago (+3/-0)

Piss toward the side, and hit the bowl at a tangent. If you're in the US.... just sit down.

[ - ] deleted 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 15:51:30 ago (+2/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Cantaloupe 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 14:00:16 ago (+2/-0)*

FFS - Just apply fluid dynamics.

Transient ballistic flow is governed by the Reynolds number and the Weber number.

With water particularly, surface tension is applicable as dihydrogen-monoxide is polar.

So to reduce surface tension and ejecta a piece of toilet paper skilfully place in the water is well advised, a bit of dish soap likely assists as well. Consider also the structure of the bowl and if particular zones are conducive towards your aims.

Gather this data and plot it and let us know.

This also works with poopies.

It might be possible to mix in some cornstarch and create some kind of gel, that's an area for further study, as well as flushing while peeing, as with a centrifuge ejecta should be thrust outward rather than upwards. Use Faraday's law, the related curl equation.

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 15:39:15 ago (+1/-0)

create some kind of gel

Do not do this. It will get stuck in your pipes and build up over time and clog.

[ - ] ReincarnatedGoat 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 19:43:37 ago (+1/-0)

A look into Viktor Schauberger may help is solving these pressing problems that plague us.

[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 14:10:52 ago (+0/-0)

deleted

[ - ] UncleDoug 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:23:02 ago (+2/-0)

What kind of gaffot post is this?

[ - ] Sector7 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:11:57 ago (+2/-0)

gaffot

A synonym of the term faggot and derived from the same term. First created by players of first person shooter games.

"omg stfu gaffot!!1rtfo lolol;olol

[ - ] UncleDoug 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:41:37 ago (+1/-0)*

gaffots were a bunch of autistic gaymers on a defunct forum called neogaf lead by a jew called Tyler.

This is exactly the kind of post you would see there.

Hey gaf how do I wipe my bum? Why do tranny holes smell like shit? How to piss gaf?

[ - ] Lovemachine [op] 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 14:54:24 ago (+0/-0)

Just seeing if anyone has any ideas.

[ - ] 11hrr 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 11, 2023 23:58:04 ago (+0/-0)

Just pee out the window, FAGGOT. It won't splatter all the way back up, you fucking idiot. What are you? Retarded? Use your brain for a change.

[ - ] Her0n 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 11, 2023 16:39:14 ago (+0/-0)

Simple, have a long dick. No splash when the tip is dipped.

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:13:42 ago (+1/-0)

Which is why I recommend the new and improved "Uranus 505 granular containment system", exclusively sold by
FAT ASS HABERDASHERY...here's how it works...simply set the patented segmented circular cardboard tray at the surrounding base of the toilet, insert the space aged plastic liner, a garbage bag will suffice if funds are limited, then fill with "URANUS 505" absorbent granular sand and you're all set...hell, the "URANUS 505" is so efficient that it makes using the toilet practically redundant, especially after consuming an excessive number of your favorite beverages...the "URANUS 505" is so practical that every pesky feline within miles afflicted with toxoplasmosis will want to join you...and if you're a drunken piss tank crawling on the floor the "URANUS 505" allows for the relief of one's bladder while being on one's side while spittle and mucous leaks from facial orifices.
Order now while supplies last, just $99.99 ...a sheckleberg & schlomo product.

[ - ] deleted 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:46:50 ago (+1/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Spaceman84 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:34:36 ago (+2/-1)

Use Paul Neri’s mother’s mouth she’s never missed a drop

[ - ] Sleazy 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 19:53:19 ago (+0/-0)

how could you possibly allow such a hideous creature near your dick?

[ - ] voatersaredumbasses 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:30:44 ago (+2/-1)

Are you seriously that insecure that you're worried about sitting down to pee when nobody is going to see you doing it anyway? Wow!

[ - ] albatrosv15 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 11, 2023 14:49:00 ago (+0/-0)

It's about hygiene, retard. You splatter all over and then want to impress women with your smell?

[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:53:36 ago (+3/-2)

Go piss outside on a tree like God intended.
The Old Testament jews invented the toilet by God's decree so God could walk through the camps of their army without stepping on desecrated ground. However jews worship the devil, so clearly the toilet is an instrument of evil.

[ - ] NaturalSelectionistWorker 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:24:19 ago (+0/-0)

Wotan wants you to pee on trees, yahweh wants you to send your pee to a filtration plant where they can filter most of the stuff out and then put the water back into your water supply.

[ - ] 2Drunk 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:48:45 ago (+1/-0)

Aim for the side of the bowl.

[ - ] Lovemachine [op] 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:37:30 ago (+1/-0)

...I'm saying if you hooked a shop vac up to your toilet and used it like dust collection for a miter saw that might actually eliminate pee splatter. Has anyone tried this?

[ - ] Gowithit 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:41:56 ago (+1/-0)

Like to pull the stream in the toilet?

Genius

[ - ] MaryXmas 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:21:25 ago (+0/-0)

Use the miter saw on your dick, then use the shop vac to clean up the mess.

[ - ] voatersaredumbasses 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 11, 2023 01:45:56 ago (+0/-0)

[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 11, 2023 07:21:03 ago (+0/-0)

I pee out my bedroom window. It does face the street, but the neighbors are too scared of me to say anything.

[ - ] oyveyo 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 20:26:24 ago (+0/-0)

I try to write my name on the wall.

[ - ] ReincarnatedGoat 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 19:33:31 ago (+0/-0)

Piss up a rope guy.

What are your pronouns loverboy???

Just bustin yer balls champ. Ya filthy cunt.

Try hitting a tree or a wall to slow the velosity and provide the dampening effect you are looking for. It's all technique.

There is nothing wrong with sitting down just to take a wizzer; although, i hardly ever do it myself.

You could piss into a big gulp container and pour it into the commode, keeps the splash down.

If you shake it more than three times yer playin with it.



[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 17:17:06 ago (+0/-0)

deleted

[ - ] Stonkmar 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 15:30:56 ago (+0/-0)

You could always AC Slater it.

[ - ] deleted 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:33:59 ago (+0/-0)

deleted

[ - ] GrayDragon 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:12:34 ago (+0/-0)

29 comments, 2 upvotes. Top has 6. Fuck you tlol. I spray piss on all of you.

[ - ] Zyklonbeekeeper 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 13:15:37 ago (+0/-0)

@GrayDragon...well that's a shitty attitude.

[ - ] Vrbllpollushin 2 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 15:06:18 ago (+2/-0)

Yeah, he's being pissy about it.

[ - ] MicahReno 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 12:14:52 ago (+0/-0)

To the side of the toilet right at the edge of the water

[ - ] Rebooted 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:35:14 ago (+0/-0)

Aim

[ - ] Sector7 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:44:51 ago (+1/-0)

Double stream...

[ - ] Lovemachine [op] 0 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 11:39:41 ago (+0/-0)

4wt

[ - ] HelenHighwater -1 points 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 14:44:36 ago (+0/-1)

This post has way more comments than it should.

At the risk of being hypocrital and adding to the post, urine is sterile. Don't worry about your couch, unless it starts to stink of piss.

Waiting for the "How do I get piss stink out of my couch post"....

[ - ] Lovemachine [op] 1 point 1.3 yearsFeb 10, 2023 14:46:27 ago (+1/-0)

Hey fuck off Allright. Go back to hating jews or whatever it is you do here.