Many of the group here seem to support the man. I get it, but there's not a lot of people here dissecting the word "crush."
My first thought when she mentioned "crush" was that she was really young and this was a first-time, seen-him kind of thing. Given that they're both nearly 30, his reaction adds a lot more context to the situation. She's married, and has been married for a while. Saying that she has a "crush," from my perspective at least, seems to indicate more that she's still in the romantic phase and generally acts younger than her age. Crush has some different meanings. For some people, a crush is someone who kind of slipped out of our fingers in our younger years, and becomes that sort of idea of the person that we really never really got to know in the capacity that we wanted to know them. For others, it could be someone that we were immediately attracted to but never really knew long enough to realize some determining factor that would have crossed them out as potential partners going forwards. However you want to think about it, "crush" implies nostalgia.
In the way that it's presented here, I do really agree with his reaction, but there's not a lot of ways that someone, even if the gender roles were reversed, could back down the idea that having a crush on someone outside of the marriage was okay. Really, it means that you've spent a lot of time looking at other people, regardless of how much direct interaction you've had with them. That's not exactly a great comfort to longevity in marriage, but more than that, it's kind of like admitting that you're looking for something else.
People change over time, that's one thing that you have to look forwards to in marriage. To deny that everything is not working out is just inflicting pain. The guy in this post probably thought that she was admitting that she's more interested in other men. While she probably could have handled the situation better, she didn't go directly to mentioning that she was attracted to another guy, but instead used the word "crush." She kind of set up a minefield for herself here; there's not really an easy way out when she used that kind of language to describe someone else that she barely seems to have known. It could be that her husband really did love her, but he knew her enough to know that if she was having these kinds of feelings now, it would probably just get worse later on.
While I do think that it is kind of overreacting to end a marriage over a conversation vs. a direct action, it's nonetheless up to really the couple themselves whether or not they choose to remain together. I don't think that if she stayed quiet, the situation would have changed at all. There's a lot of times where people we know seem to pivot fast on some minor things that they're dealing with. This definitely was not one of them. It's obvious that she does care a lot about her husband, but she's probably not aware that she's wandering too far away mentally. If I were her, I'd pray and then leave this to God's hands. I don't think that she needs to punish herself with staying silent, but she might want to review whether or not she was going too far when it comes to describing others that she doesn't know.
AlexanderMorose13 1 points 2.0 years ago
This one got lively.
Many of the group here seem to support the man. I get it, but there's not a lot of people here dissecting the word "crush."
My first thought when she mentioned "crush" was that she was really young and this was a first-time, seen-him kind of thing. Given that they're both nearly 30, his reaction adds a lot more context to the situation. She's married, and has been married for a while. Saying that she has a "crush," from my perspective at least, seems to indicate more that she's still in the romantic phase and generally acts younger than her age. Crush has some different meanings. For some people, a crush is someone who kind of slipped out of our fingers in our younger years, and becomes that sort of idea of the person that we really never really got to know in the capacity that we wanted to know them. For others, it could be someone that we were immediately attracted to but never really knew long enough to realize some determining factor that would have crossed them out as potential partners going forwards. However you want to think about it, "crush" implies nostalgia.
In the way that it's presented here, I do really agree with his reaction, but there's not a lot of ways that someone, even if the gender roles were reversed, could back down the idea that having a crush on someone outside of the marriage was okay. Really, it means that you've spent a lot of time looking at other people, regardless of how much direct interaction you've had with them. That's not exactly a great comfort to longevity in marriage, but more than that, it's kind of like admitting that you're looking for something else.
People change over time, that's one thing that you have to look forwards to in marriage. To deny that everything is not working out is just inflicting pain. The guy in this post probably thought that she was admitting that she's more interested in other men. While she probably could have handled the situation better, she didn't go directly to mentioning that she was attracted to another guy, but instead used the word "crush." She kind of set up a minefield for herself here; there's not really an easy way out when she used that kind of language to describe someone else that she barely seems to have known. It could be that her husband really did love her, but he knew her enough to know that if she was having these kinds of feelings now, it would probably just get worse later on.
While I do think that it is kind of overreacting to end a marriage over a conversation vs. a direct action, it's nonetheless up to really the couple themselves whether or not they choose to remain together. I don't think that if she stayed quiet, the situation would have changed at all. There's a lot of times where people we know seem to pivot fast on some minor things that they're dealing with. This definitely was not one of them. It's obvious that she does care a lot about her husband, but she's probably not aware that she's wandering too far away mentally. If I were her, I'd pray and then leave this to God's hands. I don't think that she needs to punish herself with staying silent, but she might want to review whether or not she was going too far when it comes to describing others that she doesn't know.