Twas a fine summer day in Australia. The man known as 'Queeri' to those closest to him (postmen, garbage collectors) arose from his cot (the wife left long ago, taking all the furniture), performed his morning ablutions, put on a fresh paper mask, and mounted his scooter.
Dodging beer cans thrown by his neighbors (a ritual he barely even noticed anymore) he arrived at the beach, spindly legs shaking with the effort of balancing on the ancient scooter. Spotting a group of young women, he puffed out his chest, and greeted them with a hearty 'G'DAY, SHEILAS!' The women, now alarmed, quickened their pace, veering from the parking lot to the lifeguard stand.
'OI! MISTAH LOIFGAAAHD! DIS CHEEKY FAKKA TRYIN IT ON WIF US, AYE??'
The lifeguard, a Maori with multiple felonies under his belt (child rape, mostly) made a beeline to Queeri, who had just settled into the warm sand with a bottle of Zima and a magazine (Maskers Monthly).
'OI, YOU FAKKIN KUNT! GIT DA FUCK OFFA DA BEACH, AYYYYYEEEEE?????' Queeri immediately lost all control of his bowels, and the familiar wave of shame washed over him. Sobbing loudly, he abandoned his belongings, scurrying to the scooter and making his retreat. Tears blinding him, somehow he made it back to his (grandmother's) house, flung himself on his cot, and went online to seek solace from his friends. "FAGGOT' said one, 'WEIRD OLD HOMO' said another. The verbal abuse calmed him, and he was once more in his element.
The oil in your engine will freeze. Yo-u are probably not running a sufficiently thin oil for the temperature.
If you bully your engine into starting, you can crack the engine block.
Most of you are going to have a plug in the bottom left of your grill, or tucked up near the battery.
Plug this into an extension cord. It's your "block heater", a electrical resistance heater that consumes gigawatts of electricity, but you need it to safely start your vehicle in these temperatures.
The Big Fat Dangus, desperate for a new adventure and a break from its lonely existence, decided to embark on a vacation to Thailand. Excited by the prospect of exploring a new country and its vibrant culture, the Dangus booked a flight and began to plan its trip.
Upon arriving at the airport, the Dangus was immediately faced with an obstacle. Its rotund body could barely squeeze into the airplane seat, and it found itself spilling over into the adjacent seats. The other passengers, uncomfortable with the situation, complained to the flight attendants. The Dangus, mortified and filled with shame, tried to shrink into its seat, hoping to cause as little disturbance as possible.
Eventually, after a long and humiliating flight, the Dangus arrived in Thailand. Eager to put the incident behind it, the creature ventured into the bustling streets of Bangkok, immersing itself in the sights, sounds, and smells of the city. The Dangus found solace in the chaos, its insecurities temporarily forgotten as it navigated the crowded markets and lively bars.
One evening, while exploring the city's nightlife, the Dangus stumbled upon a group of young girls chatting and laughing with tourists. The creature, in a state of inebriation, decided to join the conversation, hoping to make new friends and ease its loneliness. The Dangus was unaware that it was entering a dangerous situation, as the girls were much younger than they appeared.
As the Dangus engaged in conversation with the girls, a plainclothes police officer approached the group. The officer, noticing the creature's drunken state and the girls' ages, immediately became suspicious. The Dangus, sensing trouble, attempted to explain that it had only been seeking friendship and had no ill intentions. Its words, however, slurred and unconvincing, fell on deaf ears.
The Dangus was arrested and taken into custody, accused of engaging in inappropriate behavior with minors. The creature's worst fears had come true; its cowardice and penchant for alcohol had once again led it down a dark path. The dream of a rejuvenating vacation in Thailand had quickly turned into a nightmare.
As the Dangus sat in a cramped jail cell, it pondered the choices it had made and the unfortunate situations it had found itself in. The creature realized that its self-destructive tendencies and inability to face its fears had caused it to lose control of its life. The Dangus's story serves as a cautionary tale of the consequences of self-sabotage and the struggle to overcome one's own demons.
